


I Carry You (In my Heart)

by RemyJane



Series: The Best by Far is You [3]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Family, Found Family, Hanna Backstrom, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-05-09 12:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 71,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemyJane/pseuds/RemyJane
Summary: Alex felt a twist of sadness; this was all fleeting. Hanna was growing so quickly. Soon, she wouldn’t need them like this. By the end of the season, she’d be a year old already. Time felt like it was moving too fast. But here, in her nursery at 3AM, time was as slow as he wanted it to be———Hanna grows up. Nicky and Alex grow together.





	1. October

**Author's Note:**

> Month-by-month of Hanna growing up and Alex and Nicky building their relationship together.

Alex’s first thought when he woke up was that he still felt exhausted. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. He was on the couch, his neck aching where it butted up against the arm rest. His second thought was that he didn’t know where Nicky was. 

There was a throw blanket pooled on the floor beside where the Swede had fallen asleep, but his spot was empty. Alex stretched, catching sight of the clock. It was 3AM. He groaned and sat up slowly, joints popping and muscles protesting enough that he felt absolutely ancient. 

He trudged up the stairs, pausing when he heard a soft lullaby from the nursery. He pushed the door open further and stilled, enchanted by the scene before him. Nicky was rocking Hanna, blond locks falling across his face. Hanna was snuggled close, drinking her bottle with her lovey clutched in one arm. 

“Hi.” Alex said, breaking the trance. 

Nicky looked up, offering a soft smile. “Good morning.” He said, a wry twist to his lips.

Alex settled on the floor beside them, brushing his finger over Hanna’s hand and letting her grab hold tight. “Hi, solnyshko.” He cooed. “Why are you awake?”

Nicky yawned, shrugging one shoulder. “She’s started doing this lately. She wakes up crying. I don’t know if she’s just hungry or…” he yawned again. “Or if it’s something else.”

“Maybe misses you.” Alex shrugged. “Or maybe growing and needs more food.” 

“I don’t know.” Nicky said softly. His face was openly fond. Alex loved how he looked like this, warm and cozy like home. He loved the bags under his eyes and the tangles in his hair. He loved the way Hanna’s eyes fluttered open occasionally to stare up at him. She looked intelligent beyond her six months, her eyes blue like a deep lake. 

Alex felt a twist of sadness; this was all fleeting. Hanna was growing so quickly. Soon, she wouldn’t need them like this. By the end of the season, she’d be a year old already. Time felt like it was moving too fast. But here, in her nursery at 3AM, time was as slow as he wanted it to be. 

Nicky hummed a few bars of the lullaby, slowly standing and carrying Hanna over to the changing table. Alex stood too, coming to lean over Nicky’s shoulder and blow kisses to Hanna. He melted when she smiled at him, showing off her two teeth. 

Nicky finished changing her diaper and kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams, alskling.” He whispered. 

Alex kissed her too. “Sleep, solnyshko.” 

She settled down quietly in the crib and they crept out of the room together, shutting the door gingerly behind them. Alex grinned at Nicky. “She wake up in three hours, you think?”

Nicky sighed, breathing out a faint laugh. “Oh god, probably.” He smiled. 

“Ok, bed while we can.” Alex decided. “C’mon.” 

Alex definitely was less well-rested since he started dating Nicky, but he didn’t care. He’d never had a relationship that felt so natural, never had such bone-deep contentment. Nicky loved him, Hanna loved him; it was intoxicating. 

He woke at seven in the morning to sounds of Hanna babbling through the baby monitor and Nicky starting to move. “I get.”

“Are you sure?” Nicky asked, blinking at him through squinted eyes. 

“You get tomorrow.” He bargained, sliding out from under the covers. 

Hanna made a happy sounding chirp at him when he came into view. “You are best baby.” Alex declared, scooping her up. “We go eat, ok?” 

Downstairs, he settled on the couch and helped Hanna hold the bottle, propping her up in the crook of his elbow. She was almost done when Nicky sleepily descended the stairs, collapsing on the couch beside them. 

“You can sleep more.” Alex offered. 

Nicky shook his head, running his fingers over Hanna’s hair to flatten it down. “I’m awake.” That was debatable, but Alex let it slide. “She has a doctor’s appointment later. At 11.” 

“Just for check up?” Alex asked. 

“Yeah. She’s due for vaccinations, too.” Nicky poured himself a mug of coffee, taking a long sip. “You don’t have to go.” He offered. 

Alex snorted, wondering what Nicky thought he could possibly have to do that was more important than him and Hanna. “No, I go. We can out to lunch after.” He suggested. 

Nicky shook his head. “Usually, shots make her grumpy. We can pick something up on the way home, though.”

“Wonder where she learn grumpy from.” Alex teased, tongue poking out from between his teeth as he smiled. Nicky laughed and glanced downward, cheeks pink and dimpled. Alex pulled him closer and kissed him tenderly. 

“What was that for?” Nicky asked, voice soft, eyes staring into Alex’s. 

“Wanted to.” Alex shrugged. “Kind of like you.”

“Yeah, I kinda like you too.” Nicky said, a lopsided grin on his face. He scraped his fingertips through Alex’s hair. 

“Good. Otherwise, this all awkward.” Alex joked, just to see Nicky laugh again. 

Hanna was amiable with the car ride, babbling and cooing to herself. Nicky always acted as though she’d contributed to the conversation when she shrieked from the backseat. “You’re right Hanna, until we know which goaltender Pittsburgh is starting, it’s hard to decide about faceoff strategies.” Alex gave Nicky a sideways glance and caught him looking amused with himself. 

“Maybe Hanna come coach team.” Alex laughed. “Smartest baby.” 

“Only 6 months old.” Nicky said. “She could retire before kindergarten.”

Alex didn’t want to think about Hanna growing up and going to kindergarten. She laughed as Nicky turned in his seat and rattled the toy clutched in her hand. 

In the waiting room, Alex distracted Hanna by making faces and blowing her kisses while Nicky filled out paperwork. She smiled widely at him, flapping her hands when he did something particularly funny. Soon, they were called back. Hanna was weighed and measured before she was handed back to Alex. She was still content, but she looked concerned, unsure about this strange place her Papa had brought her. 

Alex’s eyes widened when the nurse set two syringes on the table. Nicky smiled at him, calm and reassuring. “They’re just vaccinations.” 

Alex nodded. “Big needles for a baby.” 

“I know. You weren’t there when they had to start an IV at the hospital.” Nicky shook his head. “Only then, she was so sick she barely cried.” 

Alex stroked Hanna’s head protectively. “Poor baby. I give you lots of kisses, promise.” He blew a raspberry against her skin and she laughed, kicking her feet. 

“Hopefully you’re not too scared of needles, because we need to get the flu shot too.” He fidgeted with his phone. “For Hanna.” He added. 

Alex remembered how scared Nicky had been, how scared he himself had been, when Hanna was in the hospital. There was a nebulizer tucked away in her closet that Alex didn’t want to use ever again. “For Hanna, ok.” Alex agreed easily. 

He wasn’t scared of needles, but it was hard to watch the nurse administer the shots. His chest ached as Hanna cried. The nurse glanced between the two of them. “Who wants to hold her?”

Nicky scooped her into his arms, reassuring her with gentle Swedish. She pressed her face into his chest, calming when he started to sing. By the time the doctor entered, Hanna was quiet and content to snuggle, one hand curled around the collar of Nicky’s shirt. Even so, she eyed the doctor with a distrustful gaze. It warmed Alex’s heart to see that the ‘murder eyes’ had been passed on to the next generation. 

The doctor examined her and talked to Nicky for a while about how she was doing at home before declaring that she appeared to be in excellent health. 

“She’s starting to get scared of people she doesn’t know.” Nicky began, settling Hanna on his hip. “Is that normal?”

The doctor smiled at him. “Unfortunately, yes. Luckily, it’s just a phase and most babies will grow out of it at their own pace.” 

Nicky nodded. “Ok. Thank you.” 

When they were alone, Alex glanced at Nicky smiling. “Guess Family Skate won’t be so fun for her tomorrow.” He said. 

Nicky hummed, nodding. “I know. I’d hoped...it would be nice if she wasn’t scared of the boys.” 

“Maybe other kids there, that helps.” Alex offered. 

Other kids did not help, it turned out. Alex thought it was kind of funny that the famously introverted Nicklas Backstrom had a daughter that liked people as much as he did- which was to say, not at all. 

Andre was tolerated, mostly because he would speak Swedish to her. She eyed Tom warily, but would let him hold her and eventually she’d be distracted by his goofy efforts to make her laugh. Evgeny was a nonstarter. 

“That’s not nice.” He protested as Hanna wailed in his arms. 

“Can’t blame her for not liking that mug.” Tom teased. 

Evgeny bounced her, cooing and trying to calm her, but to no avail. “It’s ok, Hanna. It’s ok.” He muttered. 

“Maybe you should learn Swedish.” Andre suggested, stifling a laugh. 

When Alex came into view, she reached for him, whimpering pitifully. “What you do to best baby?” Alex teased, cradling her in his arms with ease. 

“She doesn’t like me.” Evgeny said. “Which is bul-bologna because I’m at least as good as Tom.” He was still laughing though, cheeks red from his near slip-up. 

“Is ok. She is fussy like Nicky.” Alex wiped a stray tear from her face. “Learns it from him.” Glancing over his shoulder, he found Nicky in the milling crowd, in the corner of the rink with TJ and his youngest. 

He skated over, depositing the baby in his arms. “Your daughter not like Kuzy.” 

“Oh, so it runs in the family.” TJ laughed, holding Leni’s hands so she wouldn’t fall. Nicky’s mouth twisted as he tried not to smile. 

“She doesn’t like other people right now.” Nicky explained. 

TJ nodded. “Lyla did that. She only wanted Lauren to hold her for, I don’t know, it felt like forever but it was probably just a few months.”

“Is there anything to do about it?” Nicky asked. 

TJ shook his head. “The baby books said you should kinda practice, like talk to a lot of different people while you’re holding her. But, we tried everything and it didn’t work. Now, she’s fine. See?” He pointed towards center ice, where his older daughter was playing with some other Caps kids and talking to anyone who strayed close enough. 

Nicky nodded. “Well, at least she likes you too.” He said, smiling at Alex. 

“Of course, I’m best.” He teased. 

“Ok, Hanna. Let’s go practice not hating people.” Nicky said. It would’ve been more convincing if he could’ve said it without grimacing, but Alex didn’t know when children learned to recognize lies, so maybe they were in the clear. 

Hanna did not, it turned out, like people with beards at all. She buried her face against Nicky’s chest when he skated up to Brayden Holtby. 

“Is she ok?” Brayden asked, brows furrowing. 

Nicky sighed, bouncing her gently. “She’s scared of strangers.” He explained. 

“Belle did that too.” He sympathized. “Does she like other kids?” 

“I don’t know.” Nicky admitted. 

Brayden grinned. “Well, let’s see.” He scooped up his daughter from by his feet. “Belle, look at the baby. Can you say hi?”

The toddler looked delighted. “Hi! Hi, baby.” She paused, looking up at her Dad. “What’s her name?”

Nicky smiled. “Her name is Hanna. She’s a little shy.”

“Hi, Hanna!” Belle chirped, smiling. Hanna looked at the toddler curiously before hiding her face again, making Brayden laugh. 

By the end of family skate, Alex found Nicky and Hanna in the trainers room. Hanna was focused on her bottle, her lovey clutched tight in one hand. Nicky smiled when the door opened. “You found us.”

Alex laughed. “She tired of people?”

“Just tired, I think.” Nicky said gently. “It’s getting close to nap time.” He barely stifled a yawn. 

Alex stood beside him, kissing the top of his head. “Nap time for everyone, yes?”

“Maybe.” Nicky admitted. He leaned into Alex’s torso relaxing as Alex looped an arm around him. 

“Your other kid looking for you.” He teased. 

“Andre? Or Tom?” 

“Well, both.” Alex laughed. “Think they miss their papa. Told them now they have to share.” He carded his hand through Nicky’s hair. 

Nicky hummed, smiling. “Can you text them, tell them I’m still here?” 

“I can go get them.” Alex offered. 

“That works.” 

Alex reappeared a minute later with both young players in tow. “Do you want to come get lunch?” Andre asked. 

Nicky shook his head. “It’s almost naptime, sorry. If you want to bring over food, we could eat at home.” 

“Sure.” Andre agreed easily. He sat down beside Nicky, leaning over to watch Hanna eat. “She’s getting so big.”

“Mhm.” Nicky nodded, adjusting her slightly in his arms. “I think she’s going to start crawling soon.” 

Andre smiled and squeezed her foot tenderly. “Skating next, right?” He teased. 

Nicky snorted. “You sound like Alex.” 

Hanna fell asleep on the ride home, barely waking when Alex carefully picked her up out of her car seat. He shushed her gently when she whimpered. “It’s ok, solnyshko.” He whispered. 

He caught a glimpse of Nicky out of the corner of his eye, the blond watching him with fond eyes. Alex smiled back at him as Hanna rubbed at her eyes and melted against his chest. 

She settled in her crib easily and Nicky watched from the doorway. “You’re good at that.” Nicky said, his voice low. 

Alex turned on the sound machine and pulled the door shut behind him. “Best.” He grinned. “Like holding bomb, though.” 

Nicky grinned, a quiet chuckle escaping. “Yeah.” They started to walk downstairs together. “When she was a newborn, I disconnected the doorbell.” He admitted. 

“Why?”

“She was sleeping in the living room, in her bassinet and someone rang the bell. It was a door to door person, it was nothing.” Nicky paused. “She woke up screaming. I was so mad.” 

“You kill door to door person?” Alex asked, slinging an arm around Nicky’s shoulders. 

Nicky smiled serenely. “I thought about it.” Alex laughed, kissing him. He pulled Nicky towards the couch, but he resisted. “I should clean up before they get here with lunch.” 

“Not so messy. Come here.” Alex wheedled, tugging again. 

Nicky sighed. “Yeah, ok.” He agreed, allowing Alex to pull him into his arms. Nicky tilted his head back, kissing Alex lazily and sliding his fingers under his shirt. 

Alex kissed back without urgency, content to live in the moment, with Nicky’s lips sliding under his. He was sucking a hickey onto his neck when someone knocked at the door. “Maybe they come back for dinner.” Alex growled. 

Nicky laughed, pulling away. He tugged his collar up, trying to cover the fresh mark before he reached the door. Alex really should’ve made him fix his hair, judging by the way Andre’s eyes went big and darted back and forth between the two of them. 

“Are we interrupting something?” Tom asked, eyes twinkling with amusement. 

Nicky rolled his eyes and took the bags of take-out as they stepped in and took their shoes off. “Nicky was saying how he almost kill last person who woke Hanna.” Alex said. “So, shhh.” 

“Only almost?” Tom asked. 

Nicky smirked. “I thought it would be a bad example to set. For Hanna.” 

“Good, yeah. That makes sense.” Tom said, smiling. “So, should we come back in a few years, or…?”

“Just don’t yell.” Alex said. “She likes sleep like her Papa.” 

“Got it.” 

They ate lunch in the kitchen, chatting about the new season, about the home opener the next night, and the roster. When they moved to the living room, Hanna’s quiet babbling filtered through the monitor, awake but not yet upset. 

“I’ll be right back.” Nicky said, disappearing upstairs. He returned a few minutes later with his daughter, holding her so she could see their guests. She shook her head and whined, trying to wiggle and turn around in his arms. 

“Such a people person.” Tom teased. “Can I hold her?” 

Nicky kissed the top of her head and deposited her in his lap. Hanna frowned at Tom, whining. Tom made a face back. “You are too much like your papa.” He told her, standing her up in his lap. 

She liked standing, and she did like Tom, even if it took her a couple minutes to warm up to him. Soon, she was bouncing and laughing as he made faces and funny noises at her. She squealed with delight when he tickled her. Eventually, Tom passed her to Andre and she smiled widely at him when he spoke Swedish to her. 

“That’s adorable.” Tom said, grinning. “She’s a pretty happy baby, even though you’re her dad.” He teased. 

Nicky rolled his eyes. “I’m happy.” 

Alex laughed at that. “Hanna happy on the outside. Nicky only happy on the inside.” 

“I’m happy, I just don’t make a fuss about it.” Nicky protested mildly. 

“You don’t even smile when you score goals.” Tom pointed out. “Like, you’re just like this.” He imitated Nicky’s blank-faced expression, raising his arms in triumph 

“Maybe I’m tired of doing all the work.” Nicky teased, settling into the corner of the couch with his legs over Alex’s lap. 

Hanna glanced at him when he spoke, reaching one grabby hand towards him. Nicky waved at her and she made a frustrated sound. Andre said something else to her in Swedish, playing with her hands and she was briefly mollified until she heard Nicky’s voice again. 

The second time, Andre delivered her back to Nicky, smiling as she cuddled up against his chest and immediately began to play with his hoody strings. “She’s got separation anxiety.” Nicky explained. “The doctor said it’s a phase.” 

“That’s going to make road trips hard.” Andre said. 

“Hopefully it’ll be ok. She really likes Alex’s mom, so hopefully it’s good.”

Alex tickled Hanna’s toes. “Everyone likes babushka.” 

“Still, you guys are gonna miss her.” Tom said. “My brother and his wife didn’t even go out for date night until their kid was 6 months old.”

Nicky glanced at Alex. “We should probably do that.” He said softly. Alex squeezed his ankle, nodding. 

Tom frowned. “Wait, really? You haven’t gone on a date?” 

Nicky shrugged. “I have to leave her during the season enough.”

“Still though, just one night.” Tom said. Nicky looked down, cheeks tinged pink, uncomfortable and ill at ease. 

“Go out, have to wear pants.” Alex pointed out, deliberately derailing the conversation. “Home, no pants.” Nicky laughed and rolled his eyes. 

“I didn’t need that visual, thanks.” Tom said with a grimace. “It’s bad enough in the locker room.” 

After Tom and Andre left, Nicky looked up from playing on the floor with Hanna. “We should go out. Like a trial run for this season.” 

Alex plopped down beside him, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Get a hotel?” He asked. 

Nicky nodded. “Sure.” 

Alex squeezed a hand around Nicky’s wrist, just a shade too tight. “Maybe somewhere with headboard?” He grinned, watching color flood his cheeks. 

“I doubt they advertise that.” Nicky said, biting his lip as he glanced up at Alex. His pupils were wide, his expression a bit hungry. Alex smirked at him, satisfied with himself. 

“I know people.” Alex assured him, squeezing once more before he let go.

They’d been together for 5 months; Alex decided Nicky deserved an actual night out, dinner without thinking about bottles, sex without thinking of being quiet. 

Alex’s mother was immediately onboard. _“You haven’t gone on a date? That poor boy.”_ She chided Alex as she sliced vegetables. _“Babies are exhausting, but it’s so hard to leave them.”_

 _“It’s just one night.”_ Alex shook his head. 

She smiled at him, fondly exasperated like he hadn’t really heard what she said. _“When I first had your brother, we didn’t leave him until he was 5 or 6 months old. It was before cell phones, you know. I called my sister on a pay phone to check in on him. Twice.”_ She chuckled. _“You, we only waited 2 months.”_

_“Oh, thanks.”_ He laughed. 

_“It’s easier with the second, even easier with the third.”_ She said. _“But the first...you try so hard to keep this little person alive, you don’t want to miss a second of it.”_

Alex nodded thoughtfully. _“But I should still take him out, right?”_

Tatiana set down the knife, fixing him in a stern stare. _“Yes, of course.”_

Alex quickly made plans. After their first game, which they won, he found Nicky in the locker room after he’d showered. “Tomorrow, date night. I pick you up at 6.” 

Nicky dried his hair, looking up at him curiously. “Won’t you already be over?” 

Alex grinned. “Have to pick you up for date.” He teased. 

Nicky rolled his eyes. “What if I wanted to pick you up?” 

“I don’t have so many baby toys in my car.” Alex pointed out. 

Nicky tipped his head in acknowledgment, laughing softly. “Ok, that’s actually a good point.” He looked at Alex. “What is the plan for Hanna, then?”

“Mama come pick her up earlier. So you can get ready without having baby drool on nice shirt.” Alex explained. 

Nicky hummed, nodding. “How nice of a shirt?” He asked, glancing sideways at Alex as he continued getting dressed. 

Alex shrugged. “I’m wearing blue suit.” He said. “Hard to look as good as me, but try. Maybe brush hair.”

“Fuck you.” Nicky laughed, shoving at his arm playfully. “I’m going to leave my hair like this.” His curls were tangled and disheveled, flat on one side and frizzy on the other. 

“Still beautiful.” Alex said, pecking a kiss on his cheek.

“Gross.” Evgeny said, wrinkling his nose at them. “Get a room.”

Alex grinned wickedly and Nicky ducked his head, preemptively embarrassed. “Already did. Nice headboard too.”

Evgeny groaned. “Oh my god, I did not need to know that.”

Alex laughed, feeling light and happy. Nothing could touch him. Nicky drove them home and Tatiana was holding Hanna on the couch, a half-empty bottle on the coffee table. 

“Everything ok?” Nicky asked. 

Tatiana smiled. “Missed her papa, I think. She’s ok now.” Carefully, she transferred the sleeping babe to Nicky’s arms. His face softened and he kissed her forehead tenderly. “She was very good. Very happy baby.” She said, squeezing Nicky’s arm. 

“Thanks.” Nicky whispered, eyes fixed on his daughter. Alex couldn’t stop looking at him; he loved to watch everything else melt away, leaving behind only Nicky’s barest core- sweet, tender, and loving. 

“Go put to bed.” Alex suggested. “I need snack.” After a game, a snack could range anywhere from a granola bar to a pot of pasta. 

“Can you make me some too?” Nicky asked, distracted. 

“Yes, yes. I feed you.” Alex promised. His mother might’ve disowned him if she’d stayed and realized he fed Nicky cereal and milk. 

The next day, Alex felt strangely nervous as he knocked on Nicky’s door. He fidgeted with his sleeves, with his tie, dropping his hands when he heard the knob turn. He forgot to breathe, a little, when the door opened. 

Nicky smiled at him, eyes twinkling. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit, a deep blue shirt underneath. His hair was combed, falling in loose curls behind his ears. “Hi.” Nicky said, cheeks turning pink. 

“Hi.” Alex fumbled. 

Nicky laughed. “Are you- you’ve known me for ten years...are you nervous?” He asked, cocking his head. 

“Little bit. Pretty boys, always make me nervous.” Alex teased, finding his feet. “Bag?” Nicky picked up his bag from beside the door, not fighting Alex when he took it. 

“Where are we going?” Nicky asked. 

Alex opened the passenger door for him with a flourish, giving a toothy grin when Nicky rolled his eyes. “So impatient.” He teased. 

Alex had reservations at a nice restaurant, a place with an extensive wine cellar and phenomenal steaks. If anyone asked, they were celebrating the beginning of the season; but it wasn’t the kind of place where anyone would ask. 

Nicky made a pleased sound as they pulled up in front of the restaurant, the valet taking Alex’s keys without appearing to recognize him. “I’ve heard this place is good.” Nicky said.

“Best.” Alex agreed. 

Nicky looked over the wine list with the same focus afforded to face offs, though he ultimately went with the recommendation from the sommelier. There was an odd silence after they were left alone, broken when Nicky smiled and chuckled. “I don’t know what to talk about besides Hanna.” He admitted. 

Alex laughed. “She is best. But, whole night, just us.”

“Of course.” Nicky nodded. “I’m glad we’re getting to do this.”

Alex wished he could intertwine their fingers or brush the stray curl off Nicky’s forehead. Instead, he took a sip of wine. “What do you do for first date?”

“Nothing crazy.” Nicky shrugged. “There haven’t been that many.”

“Hmm. Boring.” Alex teased. 

Nicky shrugged. “If the weather isn’t bad, I like to walk along the waterfront.” He admitted. 

Alex smiled at him. “So sweet. Cheesy, but sweet.” 

“Yeah, well…” Nicky blushed, shifting in his seat. “I would guess you have some kind of routine.”

“Nice dinner, wine, sometimes dancing. Sometime, go home.” Alex bumped their feet together under the table. “Tonight, walk on waterfront maybe. Then, nightcap at nice bar.”

“That sounds nice.” Nicky smiled. 

Alex was proud of himself for orchestrating the perfect date. By the time they reached the hotel, Nicky was a bit loose limbed from a couple drinks, his hands straying to touch Alex any chance he got. 

“That is a nice headboard.” Nicky said, pausing at the foot of the bed. He glanced at Alex, biting his lip thoughtfully. 

Alex hung their coats up by the door, shedding his jacket and working his tie loose. “You want me to tie you up?” He asked. Nicky nodded, almost imperceptibly. “Good.” He wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist, biting his neck just enough to feel him shiver. 

“Usually, I don’t put out on the first date.” Nicky said, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards. “Just so you know.” Alex huffed a gentle laugh against the side of his neck, starting to undress him. 

Nicky looked beautiful sprawled out on the bed. His skin was pink against the creamy white comforter, his hair golden under the warm lights. Alex pulled two soft ropes from his bag, the ties from a pair of bathrobes at his house. “You sure?” He asked. 

Nicky nodded, half solemn and half eager, holding still obediently as Alex carefully tied the knots. He tested them after he was done, looking up at Alex with a smile. They’d never done anything like this before, but Alex loved how Nicky looked pinned down by his hands. “Are you sure?” Nicky echoed him. 

Alex kissed him, running his hands through his hair. “Very.” He promised. “You want me stop, you say something, ok?” 

“Ok.” Nicky said breathlessly, leaning his head to expose the long, elegant line of his neck. 

Alex took his time, until he’d covered Nicky in kisses, until his hands had caressed almost every bit of him. Nicky’s cock, untouched, was red and hard, bobbing when he shifted restlessly. “So beautiful.” Alex whispered to him. “So perfect.” He bit down on his shoulder, hard enough to leave an imperfect set of teeth marks. 

Nicky squirmed, gasping, tugging against the restraints. Alex carded one hand through his hair, pulling. “You like that?” He asked, smiling. 

“Y-Yeah.” Nicky managed. “Don’t tease.” He leveled Alex with as stern a look as he could muster. 

Alex laughed, sliding down to suck hard on Nicky’s nipples. He ground his cock against Nicky’s thick thigh, swallowing a groan. He wanted to take Nicky apart, piece by piece. 

He poured lube onto his fingers and carefully inserted one inside Nicky, smiling as Nicky tried to chase the sensation. He slid a second finger in alongside it, slowly beginning to finger him open. Nicky was breathing heavily, shifting his hips and trying to get more. 

Alex lowered his mouth over Nicky’s cock, bobbing in time with his fingers. Nicky’s breath caught in his throat, ragged and thick. Alex slung his arm over Nicky’s hips, pinning him down against the mattress. He could feel the strength coursing through his muscles; Alex liked not having to hold back, not having to be gentle. Nicky wasn’t small, wasn’t breakable. 

Nicky wasn’t unwilling, either. “Fuck, Sasha…” he gasped as Alex added a third finger. “Oh, fuck.” He pulled against the restraints, the headboard groaning against his weight. 

Alex wondered if there would be red marks on his wrists, his dick twitching at the thought. As Nicky got close to the edge, Alex pulled away, biting harsh kisses along his hip. He pushed himself up, surveying the blond with his fingers still in his ass. Nicky was flushed down to his stomach, panting, his skin glistening with a sheen of sweat. His pupils were wide, fixed on Alex’s face and hungry. 

“If you don’t fuck me, I’ll never pass to you again.” Nicky threatened, his voice lower and raspier than normal. 

Alex laughed, spreading his fingers and watching as Nicky surrendered to his touch. “So bossy.” He teased. “Good thing I like.” 

Alex took half a second to spread more lube on his dick before slowly, painstakingly, sliding inside Nicky. “C’mon…” Nicky goaded him. “I need…” 

“What you need?” Alex asked, sliding almost out before fucking back into him. Nicky swallowed hard, trying to compose himself. Absently, Alex rubbed a finger over his nipples, hard beneath his finger tips. 

“Fuck me. Please.” Nicky asked, closing his eyes. “Don’t tease.”

“I take care of you.” Alex promised, running a hand through Nicky’s hair, peeling locks off his forehead and out of his eyes. 

Nicky felt like heaven around him, tight and hot and wanting. The sight of Nicky’s devilish hands tied up was pornographic on its own, let alone his naked body, littered with red beard burn and bite marks. Alex snapped his hips forward again and again, until Nicky was finally making noises. He gasped and groaned, tugging at his restraints and twisting his hips desperately. 

Alex could feel his orgasm coiling low in his stomach, flooding his veins with hot desire. He leaned over and covered Nicky’s mouth in a messy kiss, slipping one hand between them and jerking him off. Nicky whined, a keening noise that Alex swallowed like ambrosia. 

When Nicky came, it was with a gasp. His body pulled taut like a string before he went slack. Alex thrust into him a few more times before cumming. Panting and spent, he slumped to the side. After catching his breath, he pushed himself up and carefully undid the knots holding Nicky’s wrists. 

He traced the red chaffed marks, kissing each wrist. Nicky blinked at him thickly, looking exhausted. “You ok?” Alex asked, cupping his cheek and kissing his lips. 

“Yeah.” Nicky whispered, closing his eyes.

Alex smiled. “Always fall asleep. Like bad movie.” 

Nicky chuckled, humming. “I don’t get to sleep anymore.” He argued. 

“I know. Rough life.” Alex got a warm washcloth and cleaned him up gently, rubbing his side when Nicky shivered at the touch. “C’mon, get dressed.” 

Nicky cracked his eyes open. “What if I want to sleep naked?” He asked, if only to be contrary. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Never. Sleep in socks and long-sleeves.” He sometimes wished Nicky slept naked so he could wake up to an armful of warm bare skin to kiss, but Nicky wasn’t like that. Ever since Alex had met him he was never comfortable being exposed. 

Nicky groaned and slowly sat up, taking a moment to brush his fingers over the scattered love bites on his body. “Good thing we told the boys.” He said, smiling ruefully. 

Alex helped him get dressed, handing him pajamas from his bag and one of Alex’s t-shirts. Nicky looked good with Alex’s name across his back. 

Nicky looked up at Alex, blinking owlishly. “You don’t want...I don’t think I could do a second round.” He admitted. 

Alex laughed. “Not 18 anymore.” He teased. “No, we sleep.”

“Ok. Good.” Nicky nodded. 

Alex pulled on shorts and slid into bed behind Nicky, wrapping his arms around him. He kissed the back of his neck, feeling the Swede shiver. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“I love you too.”

Nicky didn’t wake up until almost 10AM the next day, and even then it was because Alex sat down beside him. “Have to wake up for food.” He said, shaking his shoulder gently. 

Nicky blinked blearily at him, sniffing. “Breakfast in bed?” 

“Soon, it will be lunch.” Alex teased. 

Nicky sat up and rubbed his eyes. “This looks good.” He said after a minute. “Coffee?”

“Of course.”

A few days later, they had their first road trip. They traveled up the coast to play in Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. After the first game, against the Pens, Alex found Nicky in the locker room. “Going to dinner with Zhenya. You come?”

Nicky shook his head. “No, thanks.”

“You sure? Good for you, be social.” 

“Just tired. You should, though.” Nicky said. Alex suspected that something was wrong, but if Nicky wanted to hide it, he would. He knew he could tell Alex anything, when he was ready. 

Nicky was asleep on top of the covers, the bedside lamp on, when Alex returned. He undressed quietly and then tried to gently coax the blond under the covers without jarring him too much. Nicky blinked at him, bloodshot eyes a little wet. “You ok?”

“Yeah.” Nicky shrugged, pulling away slightly. 

“Miss Hanna?”

“Yeah.” He admitted. Tatiana had sent a few pictures, and a video of Hanna eating (mostly playing with) sweet potato. It made Alex’s ribs feel too tight, his arms felt too empty without her. 

“Me too.” Alex kissed the top of his head. “Next time you sad, you tell me, ok?”

“Ok.” Nicky breathed, falling asleep with an arm thrown across Alex’s stomach. 

The next day they tried to video chat with Hanna and Tatiana, but she threw a fit when she heard her father’s voice but he couldn’t pick her up. Nicky looked like he’d been punched in the gut, his face paler and blinking at the screen. Alex wrapped him in a hug. 

“She’s ok. Just mad. My mama will take good care of her.”

“I know.” Nicky said. “I just...sometimes, I wonder if I’m doing the right things.” He admitted. 

“Lots of parents travel for work.” Alex said, rubbing his back. “Their kids do ok.”

“Right. You’re right.” Nicky swallowed hard, closing his eyes. 

“Maybe you talk to Oshie.” Alex suggested. “See if he has ideas.”

The road trip was hard not because they played poorly (they won both games), but because it was emotionally draining. Alex had expected Nicky to struggle with missing his daughter and he had done his best to try to keep him occupied whenever they had downtime. He hadn’t been prepared for how much he missed Hanna. He missed waking up in the morning with her, missed the way her entire face would light up when she saw him. 

When they returned home, Hanna shrieked when they came into view, lunging towards Nicky with such enthusiasm that Tatiana struggled to keep ahold of her. 

Nicky hugged her tight. “I missed you too, alskling.” He assured her. “Was she ok?” 

“Very good. She eats good. Sleeps, eh, ok. Woke up in the night, but she goes back to sleep.”

Nicky nodded. “She just started doing that. I don’t know why.”

Tatiana shrugged. “Maybe hungry, maybe teeth, maybe likes to be rocked.” She looked at Alex. “Sasha cry for first two months, every night. Drive everyone crazy.” 

Alex grinned. “Still drive everyone crazy.”

“But you sleep better.” Tatiana said, patting his cheek fondly. 

Alex drove them home. That night, when he awoke at 3 in the morning, he didn’t have to guess where Nicky was. He stumbled across the hall to the nursery, stopping to lean against the doorway and listen to Nicky’s gentle lullaby. 

“Did we wake you?” Nicky asked, looking up. 

“No, just awake.” Alex came to sit beside the rocking chair, leaning against the dresser as Nicky went back to singing. In his arms, Hanna was making small sounds, her hands clenched tight to her lovey. 

It took another lullaby before she was quiet. Nicky settled her in her crib, carefully brushing brown curls back out of her face. Alex stood beside him, smiling down at her. She was perfect, her small face set in an expression of peacefulness. Alex kissed Nicky’s temple, hugging him. “Back to bed.”

“I know.” Nicky said. They both knew Hanna would wake them early in the morning, no worse for the wear from her late night cuddle session.


	2. November

“Sasha?” Nicky called from the living room. “Come look at this.” 

Alex came in from the kitchen, glass in hand. Nicky was sitting on the floor with Hanna and she was- Alex wouldn’t quite call it crawling, but it was definitely some form of movement. She was more on her belly than her hands and knees, but she’d managed to army crawl towards a far-flung toy. 

“Crawling?” Alex asked, tilting his head. 

“Sort of.” Nicky shrugged, finding his phone and taking a short video. It concluded when Hanna decided she’d had enough, rolling onto her back and whining in frustration. 

“Definitely your kid.” Alex snorted, picking her up. “You are so big! Best baby.” He praised, smiling when she offered him a drooling grin. He handed her to Nicky, watching as the blond pressed a kiss to her forehead and she snuggled against his chest. 

“That was a lot of work, huh?” Nicky commiserated quietly. “Let’s go watch Sasha cook.”

Hanna sat in Nicky’s lap at the breakfast bar, gnawing on a slice of avocado with definite Backstrom-esque determination while Alex made tacos. Most of it even appeared to get into her mouth. “She’s good at that now.” Alex said. 

Nicky made a skeptical face, picking up a chunk of avocado that his daughter had dropped in his lap. “She’s getting better.” Then he smiled a little mischievously. “Let her try some lime.” 

Alex laughed, cutting off a small lime wedge and handing it to Nicky. They both watched as Hanna immediately grabbed for the green fruit, shoving it into her mouth before sputtering and spitting it out. Alex turned away to hide his laughter as her whole face wrinkled and she frowned at Nicky. 

Nicky lifted her up and kissed her cheeks, heedless of the stickiness. “That didn’t taste good, did it?” He asked, settling her on the counter facing him. “Here, more avocado will help.” He offered her another slice and she eagerly mashed it into her mouth, smearing it against her cheeks. 

“She likes to eat. That’s good.” Alex said, distracted from cooking by the sight of Nicky’s soft smile, his eyes fixed on Hanna. “Here, picture.” Alex snapped a quick picture on his phone before either of them could move. 

Hanna sat in her clip-on high chair at the table with them while they ate. She had avocado in front of her, but she kept reaching for Alex’s plate. Finally, he dropped a piece of chicken on her mat. “Here, you try.” He said. She picked it up and shoved her whole hand into her mouth, kicking her feet and making what Alex assumed to be happy noises. “Not picky.” Alex said, looking at Nicky.

“Not yet.” Nicky agreed. “I should make her some Swedish food, I guess.”

“Meatballs?” Alex suggested.

“We don’t just eat meatballs.” Nicky sighed, still smiling. 

“No, but taste good. Better than weird fish.” Alex made a face and Hanna laughed at him. 

“It’s not weird fish.” Nicky protested mildly. “It’s traditional.”

“Tradition is for weirdest foods.” 

Nicky tipped his head in agreement. “That’s true.” He admitted. 

They had an afternoon game on a Sunday and Alex had an idea. “My mama can bring Hanna to game.” He suggested, while they lay in bed together. Nicky wasn’t yet asleep, but he also hadn’t gotten up to put on clothes, either. His head was resting against Alex’s chest as Alex combed his fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t know…” Nicky moved, laying his head on his own pillow so they were face to face. 

“She’s big now, maybe fun for her to go to a game.” Alex shrugged. “See all the boys again, see you.”

“She won’t know what’s happening.” Nicky chuckled, “and she doesn’t like anyone.”

“New place though. Want her to be use to the rink.” 

Nicky shrugged. “Ok. But she needs ear protectors.”

Alex thought he’d already seen the cutest thing ever, but he was wrong, because he’d never seen Hanna wearing the bright red ear protectors TJ had given Nicky. Hanna scowled at Alex, her small nose wrinkled. “Oh god, so cute.” Alex said, a hand on his chest. “Hanna, you look so cute.” 

Nicky fought back a smile. “She does not like them very much.” He admitted. Nicky removed the ear protectors and Hanna rubbed her ears and shook her head. 

Beside them, Tatiana shook her head. “Ok, I take baby, you go get dressed.” She decided. “Nicklas, need picture of you and Hanna with uniform.” 

“Thank you.” Nicky said sincerely, kissing Hanna on the head before handing her over. As much as Hanna seemed to hate most other people, she loved her Babushka.

Alex wondered what it said about him that his mother and him fawning over Nicky and Hanna didn’t raise any eyebrows. One of the people who ran the Caps Twitter account even asked if Alex and Nick would pose for a picture together with Hanna. Nicky looked suitably inconvenienced by all the fuss, but he did genuinely smile for the picture. Alex previewed it and couldn’t help but smile. “So cute.” He proclaimed. 

Nicky rolled his eyes. “Talking about yourself?” He teased. 

“I’m always cute.” Alex proclaimed. “Right, mama?”

Tatiana looked fondly amused by her son’s antics. “Eh, sometimes.” She said, which made Nicky laugh loudly. Hanna laughed too. 

Tatiana took Hanna so they could go get situated in their seats. Nicky and Alex ate a pregame snack, listened attentively at the team meeting, and finally took the ice for their pregame warm up. 

Tatiana and Hanna were along the glass and Hanna looked unimpressed by the team in a distinctively Backstrom way. Alex loved it. Nicky skated up to them and it only took a moment for her to recognize him with his helmet on. She smiled and pressed her hands against the glass. Nicky blew her a kiss and Alex tried to keep from turning to goo.

“You’re so gross.” Evgeny teased, circling Alex. “Put those heart eyes away.”

“Jealous no one make heart eyes for you.” Alex retorted, breaking his gaze as Hanna tried to smoosh her face against the glass; he could not handle the amount of cuteness in front of him. 

“Whatever. Better win or Hanna will become a Pens fan.” 

Alex pretended to look offended. “She would never.” He said, with mock aghast. 

They did win, so Hanna’s team loyalty wouldn’t be questioned. After the media left, and everyone was more or less decent, Nicky brought Hanna into the locker room. Almost immediately, Andre and Tom were at his side. 

Nicky passed Hanna to Andre and she smiled, captivated, while he spoke Swedish to her and babbled incoherently back at him. Tom played peekaboo. Evgeny dared to show his face and she frowned, lip wobbling. 

“Kuzy, go away, you’re scaring her.” Tom said, holding Hanna in his arms and bouncing her a little. 

TJ moved closer, smiling and waving at Hanna with his youngest in his arms. “Leni, say hi.” He encouraged. His daughter waved and giggled, smiling when Hanna laughed. 

Alex threw an arm around Nicky’s shoulders. The blond was tense, watching Hanna carefully. “You want baby back?” Alex asked in undertones. 

“She’s doing ok.” Nicky shrugged. Alex knew Nicky wanted Hanna to overcome her fear of the team, but he also knew the rush of joy at being one of the only people she trusted; did Nicky feel that slipping away too?

“Gonna get tired of Willy soon.” 

“Maybe.” Nicky’s eyes flicked downward, his hands clenched around his hoody sleeves; anxious, Alex realized. 

“Ok, best baby has to go home now.” Alex decided loudly, clapping his hands and smiling as he interrupted. “Needs bottle soon. Gets cranky. Don’t know where she learn.” He said playfully, glancing at Nicky in time to see him chortle and roll his eyes. Tom handed Hanna over without complaint and Alex kissed her cheek loudly before handing her to Nicky. 

Nicky settled her on his hip, avoiding eye contact by smoothing out a rogue curl in Hanna’s hair. 

At home, Hanna eagerly took her bottle, finishing most of it before falling asleep in Nicky’s arms. Alex took a picture; Hanna, passed out in her Backstrom jersey, drooling slightly on Nicky’s shirt. “Big day.” Alex said, sitting down beside Nicky. “Mama said she was good at the game.”

“That’s good.” Nicky wiggled the bottle slightly, trying to wake her up to finish it. “She’s going to have to go to a few more in her life.” 

“Maybe she play.”

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “I don’t want her to get hurt.” He adjusted his hold on her, smiling when she finally opened her eyes. “Hi there. Finish this or you’re not going to so sleep well.” He explained. Hanna accepted the bottle and started to suck again. 

“Best baby.” Alex praised. “Game made her sleepy.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky yawned. “Lots to take in.” 

“You sleepy too?”

Nicky shrugged. “A little.” He bit his lip, looking away pointedly. “I have a headache.” 

Alex frowned. “Headache like just need aspirin, or headache like migraine?” 

“Not sure.” Nicky admitted. “It might be nothing.” He glanced over at Alex, a wrinkle between his eyebrows. 

“You go lay down, I can finish feeding Hanna.” Alex offered. 

“It’s ok. Not that bad.” Yet. 

Alex kept an eye on Nicky after Hanna settled in her crib. Nicky stayed quiet. Alex thought he looked pale, but Nicky never looked particularly tan to begin with. When Nicky finally gave in and laid his head in Alex’s lap as they sat on the couch, Alex turned the volume of the TV down. “Migraine?” He guessed. 

“Yeah.” Nicky let out a slow, deliberate breath. Alex frowned, gently carding his fingers through his hair. 

“What do you need?” He asked. 

“I’m ok.” 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Medicine?” Nicky hummed, shrugging. “Bed?”

“Bed would be good.” Nicky whispered. Alex helped him down the hall, heart clenching in his chest at the way Nicky leaned against him, trusting him to support his weight. Alex helped him slide his jeans down his legs, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before Nicky collapsed into his pillow. Alex positioned a trash bin within reach and a glass of water on the nightstand. 

“You want me to leave you alone?” Alex asked.

“You don’t have to.” Nicky said. That meant ‘no’, coming from Nicky. Alex slid into bed behind him, a careful arm around his middle. 

Alex wondered if Nicky told him he had a headache because he wasn’t hiding things from him or if it was because it would’ve been impossible to hide. Once, Nicky had played the rest of a game after getting a concussion; two games with a broken finger. He wasn’t known for talking about things that bothered him. When he and David had broken up, he hadn’t said anything for at least a week. Alex didn’t know Nicky was adopting a baby until he met Hanna. 

Alex kissed the back of his neck. It wasn’t that Nicky didn’t trust people, it was that he didn’t like the attention, he reminded himself. Nicky sighed, sinking back against him and melting under Alex’s touch. Alex kissed him again, gently, just above the collar of his shirt. 

They stayed there until Hanna woke, babbling to herself without urgency. Nicky moved to get up and Alex shook his head. “I get. You rest.”

“Are you sure?” Nicky asked, hardly able to keep his eyes open. 

“Don’t be dumb.” He ruffled Nicky’s hair. “Be right back.”

It had been a little earlier than Hanna’s normal bed time when she’d gone to sleep, but the game had changed up her routine for the day. She was content to be held, but wouldn’t fall back to sleep. Finally, Alex carried her back to Nicky’s bed. 

“Is she ok?” Nicky asked, eyes closed. 

“Sleepy but not sleeping.” Alex said, settling against the headboard. 

“Gimme.” Nicky said, rolling onto his back carefully, pressing against Alex. Alex settled Hanna on his chest, her lovey clutched tight under her arm. Nicky smiled at her, kissing the top of her head and whispering to her in Swedish. 

Alex soon worked out, based on the lilting rise and fall of Nicky’s voice, that he was listening to a bedtime story. Hanna fell asleep by the time it ended; or maybe it ended because she’d fallen asleep. 

“You want me to move her?” Alex whispered. 

“Not yet.” Nicky closed his eyes, hands on Hanna’s back. “S’nice.”

When Alex had been little, he’d asked how you know you’re in love; there’d been a girl in his kindergarten class who’d shared her crayons with him. His mother had smiled at him and assured him he would just know. Alex loved hockey, and he loved his team, and he loved his friends. He’d thought he’d loved so many different people, but nothing compared to the way he felt with Nicky cuddled against his side. He smiled to himself, pressing a kiss to Nicky’s cheek. Once Nicky was well and truly asleep, he gently moved Hanna and returned her to her crib. 

Then, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He made dinner, setting aside half in case Nicky got hungry. Afterwards, he settled on the couch with the baby monitor beside him, watching game highlights. 

He was just getting bored when he heard the toilet flush upstairs. Quietly, he climbed the stairs and pushed open the bedroom door, frowning at the sight of Nicky hunched over on the edge of the bed. “You ok?” He asked, trying to keep his voice low. 

Nicky shrugged, head in his hands. His shirt was sticking to his skin, his hair damp with sweat. 

“Shower?” Alex asked. 

“Not a good idea.” Nicky swallowed hard, letting out a carefully measured breath. His voice was hoarse and soft, exhausted. 

Alex sat beside him, rubbing his hand up and down his back. Nicky leaned into his side. “Poor Nicky…” Alex kissed the top of his head. “Medicine?” 

Nicky shook his head, muscles tense. “Tried.” 

“Oh.” Alex kept moving his hand. “Lay down again?”

Nicky shrugged. “You don’t have to stay.” He said, closing his eyes. As if Alex would ever leave him like this. 

“I know don’t have to.” Alex whispered. “Kinda like you, though.”

Nicky smiled faintly, his lips barely quirking upwards. “You’re ok too, I guess.”

“Always so emotional.” Alex teased, shifting to adjust the blankets and straightening out the pillows, flipping Nicky’s over to the cool side. “Lay down.” 

Nicky moved slowly, gingerly, like his whole body ached. He checked that the trash bin was still within reach before groaning and sinking into the mattress. Alex stretched out beside him, playing on his phone and enjoying the quiet. 

Nicky was still squinting and sick when they left for a road trip in the morning while Hanna was distracted by her breakfast bottle. Alex drove carefully, picking his way over the potholes and trying to avoid jarring his pale passenger. “Maybe you eat, that helps?” Alex suggested. 

“I don’t think so.” Nicky said, one hand gripped tight to the door. “I’ll be fine.” He managed a shaky smile. 

Nicky disappeared while Alex made sure their bags were placed with the other luggage and their gear with everyone else’s. He looked worse for the wear when Alex finally went to find him, washing his face in the bathroom. 

“Almost time to go.” He said, crossing his arms. “You get sick?”

“Yeah.” Nicky grimaced a bit when he caught the light in his eye. “Not like there’s anything left to throw up.” 

Alex chuckled. “I have sunglasses.” He offered. 

“I hate your sunglasses.” Nicky said, slowly following Alex out of the room. He kept his gaze focused downward. 

“You wear, you don’t see them.” Alex pointed out. 

Nicky hummed, considering it. When they stepped outside, he balked at the bright sunlight. Wordlessly, Alex passed him the sunglasses and Nicky donned them without protest. 

“Wow, those are terrible.” Tom said cheerfully to Nicky as they boarded the bus. “Those are Ovi’s, right?” 

“Tell him I’ll throw up on him.” Nicky murmured, closing his eyes once he’d settled in his seat. 

Alex snorted. “Best glasses.” He threw an arm around Nicky’s shoulders, pleased when the blond leaned against him and relaxed. Nicky dozed on the way to the airport and pulled on his sleeping mask as soon as they boarded.

“Is Papa ok?” Andre asked, sitting across the aisle from Alex and Nicky. 

“I’m fine.” Nicky grumbled, lifting the edge of his mask to frown at him. “Go to sleep.” 

“Grumpy.” Andre said, sulking in his seat but falling quiet. Alex couldn’t fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but much of the team could (or they were out too late the night before, he didn’t really want to know). The plane was quiet much of the flight and he played games on his phone until Nicky woke up as they started their descent into Las Vegas 

“Still?” Alex asked.

“Getting better.” Nicky murmured softly. He pushed the sleep mask up his forehead, curls smashed underneath. “I want pasta.” 

Alex smiled; the return of Nicky’s appetite boded well. “You want to go out for lunch?” 

“Nothing crazy.”

Alex shrugged. “Vegas, maybe always crazy.” He said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

Nicky shook his head. “You know what I mean.”

“No strippers?” Alex pretended to pout. 

That, of course, caught Tom’s attention. “Strippers?” He asked, perking up.

Nicky rolled his eyes. “That would be the only thing he heard.” He said in undertones, so Alex was fighting back laughter. 

“So, do you...do you like strippers?” Tom asked, half tentative, though he’d never found a subject too awkward to stick his nose into. 

Nicky huffed, smirking. “There are male strippers too.” He pointed out. Alex watched as Tom tried to school his expressions, though his cheeks flushed under Nicky’s unwavering gaze. “Oh, do you want to go to lunch with us?” Nicky asked, a benign smile on his lips.

“Uh, no, that’s- that’s ok.” Tom said quickly. “But, uh, thanks anyway.”

Alex covered his mouth to hide his smile. “So mean, Nicky.”

Nicky glanced at him with a sly, self-satisfied grin. “He deserves worse.” Alex leaned close enough to press a kiss to cheek.

“Love you when you’re evil.” 

TJ joined them for lunch, because he was wise enough not to say anything when Nicky ordered chicken alfredo and no salad. Alex enjoyed TJ’s company, he seemed to adapt to any situation with total nonchalance. 

Nicky was quiet while Alex and TJ discussed where they should go on their off day after the game. Alex bumped their feet together under the table. “You ok, Nicky?” 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Just tired.” 

TJ smiled. “Is Hanna sleeping better?”

“Mostly. She keeps waking up at 3AM.” He shrugged. “But it’s not too bad.”

“Yeah. If they wake up and go back to sleep, that’s ok.” TJ laughed, eyes crinkling. “Lyla would wake up and cry for, like, half an hour.” 

Nicky nodded. “Luckily she doesn’t do that right now.”

“Yeah. Lyla was a terrible sleeper. Leni started sleeping through the night at...I think 2 months? We woke up and she was still asleep and we were too scared to go check on her.” Nicky nodded knowingly. 

“Scared?” Alex asked, frowning.

TJ laughed. “She was either dead or still asleep.”

They ate in silence, more or less. Nicky still looked like he was mulling over something, or maybe his headache was still bothering him. 

“You miss your girls?” Alex asked TJ. 

TJ nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He chuckled. “I mean, usually. Sometimes I don’t, you know.” Nicky nodded slowly. “When they’re bigger, you can call them and they understand it better, so that really helps. When they’re little you just want to hold them all the time.” 

“Does it get easier?” Nicky asked softly. 

TJ smiled at him. “Yeah, I think so. I was a mess after Lyla was born. I thought about quitting, even.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, sure.” TJ shrugged. “Lauren told me I could, but I didn’t have to.”

Later, alone, with Nicky’s head on his shoulder, Alex cleared his throat. “Did you...you want to stop playing?”

Nicky didn’t look up at him. “Not anymore.” He admitted. 

“You think about it though?”

“Yeah. After Hanna was born, and we lost...and then she got so sick…” Nicky shrugged. 

“Why didn’t you?”

Nicky blushed, face hot against Alex’s bare skin. “We’re gonna win a cup someday. You and me.” He said quietly but certainly. Alex kissed him, had to, cupping his cheek in his hand.

“Nicky…”

“I love you.” Nicky said softly. “I know this isn’t how people usually...you know, not usually how relationships happen but…”

“Little bit weird, good for us.” Alex said, watching Nicky relax when he didn’t have to explain himself further. 

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Exactly.”

They won, which was multiplied by the fact that they were in Las Vegas. Winning in Vegas was Alex’s new favorite thing, second only to the look on Nicky’s face when he handed him a pair of shots. 

“What happens in Vegas?” Alex said, through laughter. 

Nicky rolled his eyes but accepted the glasses, throwing back one and then the other in quick succession. He raised his eyebrows. “These are weak.” He said flatly, breaking into a grin when Alex laughed even harder at him. 

“I find better ones.” Alex promised. Then, he leaned over and punched Tom’s arm. “Willy! Shots!”

“Good ones.” Nicky added, leaning against Alex’s side and melting against him. Alex couldn’t remember the last time Nicky had really been drunk- it might've been before Hanna was born. 

After several more shots and Nicky was well and truly drunk. He was leaning into Alex’s space, handsy, and pretty fucking vulgar. “I wanna blow you.” Nicky muttered under his breath. 

“What?” Alex raised his eyebrows, not sure he heard correctly. Did Nicky say-

“I want to blow you.” Nicky said, a bit louder. Beside him, Andre sputtered and started coughing, turning red in the face. “Bathroom.” Nicky offered. Andre looked like he might die, if someone could die of eavesdropping. 

Alex’s mouth was half-open. He never expected having to be the responsible one. “Too old for that.”

Nicky looked annoyed. “You’re too old to get your dick sucked?” His voice was raspy and low, his hand tracing the inseam of Alex’s jeans, which were starting to feel unusually tight. 

“Your knees too old.” Alex teased. 

Nicky tilted his head to the side, licking his lips. Alex shifted in his seat. He was too old to be this turned on in front of all his teammates, for God’s sake. “So, take me back to the hotel.” He said calmly, as heat poured off his body. 

“Yeah, ok.” He nodded. “Burky-“ 

“I’m moving.” Andre was only too eager to slide out of the booth and let them slip away. 

Nicky stole a shot from Christian Djoos’s hand on the way out. “You’re too young.” He scolded. 

“I’m 24!” Christian protested as Nicky threw back the drink. 

Nicky laughed, handing him back the empty glass and patting his cheek. Christian looked at Alex helplessly. Alex shrugged and grabbed Nicky’s wrist, pulling him outside. 

Nicky was beyond drunk. He pinned Alex against the hotel door as soon as they were inside, shoving his hands up under his shirt. “Fuck, Sasha, your hands.” He muttered between kisses. He undid the button of Alex’s pants and eased the zipper down, falling to his knees. 

Nicky was going to be the death of Alex. Alex was going to die half-naked and held up against a door, with a raging erection. It wasn’t the most dignified exit, but sacrifices had to be made. Alex swallowed back a moan as Nicky took him in his mouth, deep enough that his dick hit the back of his throat. 

It took only a few moments for Nicky to develop a rhythm, setting a ruthless pace. Alex grabbed handfuls of Nicky’s hair and tugged, feeling a moan that reverberated in his bones. Nicky dug his fingers into Alex’s ass, closing his eyes as he took Alex as deep as he could. 

“Nicky, gonna- oh shit.” Alex tried to warn him. Nicky let one hand slide, until one of his thick fingers was pressing at Alex’s entrance and he came down his throat with a wordless shout. Nicky swallowed around him and he shuddered again. 

Alex’s brain still wasn’t working when Nicky sank back on his heels, lips red and swollen. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes half-hooded and Alex didn’t know Nicky could do that and Alex couldn’t think. “Holy shit.” Alex panted. “Oh my god.” 

Nicky smiled at him, pleased with himself and smug. “Yeah.” He agreed. 

“Brat.” Alex laughed, pulling him up. He pushed Nicky into the wall, kissing him and tasting himself on his tongue. Nicky sighed into the kiss, going pliant under his hands. Alex pulled Nicky’s shirt off and shoved his pants down without ceremony. Nicky was hard, his cock leaking from the tip. It wasn’t going to take much to undo him, Alex realized. 

Alex shoved his thigh in between Nicky’s legs, feeling the grind of his dick over the muscle. He bit down over Nicky’s shoulder, sucking a love bite into his pale skin. Nicky gasped, hips jerking. Alex did it again- and again. Nicky made beautiful noises and Alex couldn’t stop himself. He kissed him until Nicky came across his skin, a punched out noise straight from his gut. Nicky blinked at him dazedly, his eyes hazy. 

“Shower.” Alex decided. Nicky didn’t argue. 

Afterwards, Nicky fell asleep with his head on Alex’s chest, wet hair and all. 

Alex woke in the morning not hungover, but not feeling his best. He lay in bed a few moments before the night came back to him as a rush of heat. To his side, Nicky was still asleep, violet bruises peeking out from under the collar of his shirt. 

“Nicky, wake up.”

“Why?” Nicky groaned, covering his face. Alex kissed him gently. 

“Hungover?” He asked, smiling. 

“I’m fine, just dying.” Nicky squinted at him. “Never let me take shots again.” His voice was hoarse. 

“But so cute when you’re drunk.” Alex teased, sliding his hand under Nicky’s shirt and across his stomach. Nicky groaned again. “You remember you scar Burky for life?”

“I wasn’t that loud.” 

Alex snorted. “Little bit loud.” He teased, slipping his fingers under the waistband of Nicky’s sweats. 

“I wasn’t- oh.” Nicky cut off his protest when Alex wrapped his hand around his cock, already half-hard. 

“You gonna be loud now?” Alex leaned in to kiss him, biting his lip. Nicky’s eyes slid closed. 

“No.” He said stubbornly. 

Alex chuckled. “We’ll see.” He promised. 

Nicky was fun to dismantle, Alex thought. Away in a hotel, with no baby monitor to interrupt, Alex could take his time. He kissed up and down his well-muscled body, jacking him slowly. It wasn’t enough to make him cum, but it was enough to make him squirm. Impatient, Nicky shifted restlessly. He tried to fuck into Alex’s hand, tried to gain more friction. 

“Don’t move.” Alex growled, relishing the shiver that went straight through Nicky. 

“Don’t tease.” Nicky retorted, eyes half-lidded. 

Alex grinned. “Gonna make you loud.” He promised, pushing Nicky’s legs apart and settling between them. 

“All talk.” Nicky grinned, smiling warmly at him. 

Alex smirked, leaning down and kissing Nicky’s hip. “Roll over.” He said, smacking the smooth skin he had just kissed. Nicky grumbled and rolled over, settling a pillow under his arms and resting his head on it. 

Alex couldn’t resist sinking his teeth into one pale ass cheek, leaving a bright red mark. Nicky gasped but stayed quiet. Alex kissed the mark gently before spreading Nicky’s cheeks and licking his entrance. Above him, Nicky jolted, barely restraining a moan. 

Alex lost himself for a while, licking and kissing Nicky’s hole and nibbling at the rim. Nicky’s skin was hot and sweaty under his hands, soft noises caught in his throat. 

Alex slipped one spit-slicked finger into Nicky’s ass and the blond stiffened all over, his voice muffled. Alex paused, looking up to watch Nicky press his face into the pillow. “You can be loud.” He said. 

“Don’t stop.” Nicky’s voice was strained and unfamiliar. 

Alex lowered his mouth back down, tonguing Nicky’s hole open and kissing him deeply. Nicky shuddered, back arching and pressing back against Alex’s touch. Nicky whined, low in his throat and needy, a sound that went straight to Alex’s cock; he felt like he’d been hard for as long as he could remember, since the beginning of time. 

Alex slid a second finger into him, feeling the tight muscles quiver around him. Nicky buried his face into his pillow, gasping and panting. Alex scissored his fingers apart and thrust his tongue into the space between them. Nicky’s hands clenched tight in the pillow and he moaned wordlessly. 

Alex twisted his fingers and Nicky came all at once with a cry, his body going slack. Alex sat up, not able to get a hand on himself fast enough. Only a few strokes later, he was cumming across Nicky’s back, white streaks glistening over his pale skin. 

Alex took a moment to catch his breath. “Nicky?” He asked, realizing the blond had yet to move. “Nicky?” Nicky shivered and turned his face away. Alex grabbed tissues from the nightstand and cleaned Nicky’s back off before rolling him over, pliant limbs tangled and warm. “Nicky, you ok?”

Nicky blinked at him thickly, his gaze hazy and unfocused. Worry pooled in Alex’s gut for a half-second before Nicky managed a smile. “You…” he swallowed. “That was...good.” 

“Just good?” Alex grinned, wiping Nicky clean and helping to strip his dirty clothes off. 

“Really good.” Nicky closed his eyes again. 

“You need shower. And greasy breakfast.” Alex liked almost every side of Nicky, but he could really get use to pliant, fucked-out Nicky. Nicky let Alex wash his hair, eyes closed and head tilted back. 

Nicky didn’t seem to even have bones until they were in the hotel lobby and Tom and Andre were bickering quietly over their phones. Nicky walked up behind Andre, blowing in his ear and mussing his hair. “Hey!” Andre swatted at him while Tom laughed and Nicky smiled mischievously. 

“We’re gonna go get food once Kuzy gets down here.” Tom said, chewing at his lip while he scrolled through his phone. “You guys wanna come with?”

“Sure.” Alex said. 

“No.” Nicky said at the same time, shaking his head at Alex. 

“No.” Alex corrected himself, smiling. 

Tom rolled his eyes. “Ok, weirdos. Have fun, then.” 

Alex and Nicky walked to a nearby diner, a greasy spoon filled with people either hungover or still drunk from the night before. Nicky settled into a booth in the corner, ordering coffee and an omelette. Once the server was gone, Nicky slouched in his seat. “You...no one’s ever...done that.” He said, cheeks flushing. Alex knew what he meant immediately. 

“No one?” Alex asked incredulously. 

Nicky shifted, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears. “There haven’t been that many.” He reminded him quietly. 

“You like it?” Alex bumped their feet together under the table. 

“I didn’t think I would.” Nicky said to the table. “But, yeah.” 

Alex let his knee come to rest against Nicky’s. “I like it too.” 

Nicky smiled at him. “Good.” He swallowed hard. “I, uh, I…”

“What?”

Nicky shrugged. “Can I tell you later?” He asked, falling quiet when their coffees arrived. 

“Sure.”

By the time they got back to the hotel that night, Alex hadn’t forgotten Nicky had something to say. Alex changed into his pajamas and flopped onto the bed. Alex’s mom had sent pictures and videos of Hanna and Nicky watched them on his tablet, smiling to himself. Finally, Nicky set it aside and came to lay beside Alex. 

“So.” Alex started, prompting him. 

Nicky nodded. “I...I like being with you. But, I feel...I don’t know, guilty?”

Alex rolled onto his side to look at him more carefully. “Guilty?”

“When I decided to adopt, I knew it would be hard to date. I figured...I don’t know. I was ok with that.” Nicky shrugged, fidgeting with his shirt sleeve. 

“Single parents date.” Alex slipped his hand into Nicky’s, stopping him from pulling a loose thread on his shirt. 

“I know. But...our schedule is hectic.” 

“What’s the matter?” 

Nicky sighed. “I feel like I should be focused on Hanna more.” 

Alex felt a little cold, worry welling up behind his sternum. “You want to break up?”

Nicky’s eyes flew to his face. “What? No! No, of course not.” Nicky looked shocked. “No, I don’t. I just...I feel like if I’m focusing on me, I’m not focusing on Hanna.” 

“Should be happy, though.” Alex said. “Good for Hanna if you’re happy.”

“I know you’re right. It’s just...it’s different than I pictured.”

Alex read between the lines. “Didn’t think you date again?” He guessed. 

“Not for a long time. Maybe ever.” Nicky admitted quietly, tracing his fingers over the back of Alex’s hand. Alex kissed him on the forehead. He tried to imagine how lonely Nicky must’ve felt; he’d had no idea his last relationship had ended so badly. 

“I can...we can have less time together. More space.” Alex offered. 

“I don’t want that.” Nicky hugged him, head on his chest; face out of sight so Alex couldn’t see his expression. “I feel selfish. I have Hanna, I have you…”

“I am pretty great.” Alex teased. 

Nicky chuckled. “You are. It seems...it’s so much more than I thought I’d get.”

Alex squeezed Nicky tight in his arms. “You too.” 

The rest of the west coast road trip was exhausting. Alex accumulated bruises like trading cards and Nicky tallied assist after assist without flair. The team won more than they lost and Alex couldn’t complain about that. The black eye, that he could. 

“Wow, that looks terrible.” Nicky said mildly, pressing an ice pack into his hand. “Are you ok?”

“No concussion.” Alex promised, smiling despite the aching in his face. Even with one eye closed, he could see the tension drain from Nicky’s shoulders. 

“Good.” Nicky smiled at him, hopping up to sit beside him on the exam table. Alex hooked his foot behind Nicky’s, swinging their feet together. “So, I was thinking.” Nicky started. 

“Mhm.”

“American Thanksgiving is soon.” 

“The turkey day, yes?”

“Yeah, that one.” Nicky nodded. “We should have some people over. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving but...Hanna probably will. She should know about it, anyway.”

“I like.” 

“Good.” Nicky looked down at their feet, still locked together. “Obviously, your parents are invited.” He added quietly. 

“I tell them.” Alex promised. 

When they returned home the next day, Hanna took one look at Alex’s eye and buried her face against Nicky’s chest, crying. Nicky bounced her, turning so she could see him. “It’s ok, alskling, Sasha’s ok.” He assured her. 

Tatiana patted Alex’s arm. “You scream when your uncle Vladimir grow beard.” She smiled at the memory. “Scream so much he shave.” 

Nicky looked delighted by that fact, eyes sparkling and amused.

Hanna warmed up to Alex when they returned home and Nicky passed Alex her bottle. “She scream.” Alex said, hesitating. 

“She’ll be ok. I want to shower.” Alex suspected Nicky was lying, but Hanna was passed to him quickly before Nicky went upstairs (almost ran upstairs) and he had to give her her bottle before she got too upset. 

She spent the first half of the bottle watching him with a distrusting face before she decided he was tolerable and relaxed against his chest. Nicky returned downstairs in sweats, t-shirt in hand; there were still bite marks over his chest and Alex felt proud of them. 

“See, she's ok.” He said, tugging on his shirt and sitting down beside them. 

“She give me murder eyes for a while. Like father, like daughter.” Nicky laughed, squeezing Hanna’s hand and smiling at Alex. 

Because hosting a holiday dinner wasn’t stressful enough, Hanna decided on Thanksgiving Day that Nicky was the only person she wanted and if he put her down, she would scream. She woke up from her (short) nap with a fever. Nicky gave her Tylenol, she sobbed, and neither of them were particularly happy. 

Even Alex was not an acceptable substitute. Hanna didn’t cry, but she fussed and whimpered in his arms. He passed her to Tatiana, and Hanna continued to be discontent. Alex found the baby sling and brought it to Nicky, along with Hanna’s lovey. Hanna grabbed her lovey tight and pressed it to her face. 

Christian Djoos and Evgeny volunteered to do dishes and Andre helped clean up in the kitchen while Nicky rocked Hanna in his arms until she fell asleep. He was stuck on the couch after that, not wanting to risk disturbing her. 

Tatiana sat down beside him after dinner. “She is sick?” She asked. 

“Yeah. Hopefully not as sick as last time.” Nicky rubbed his daughter’s back as she cuddled against his chest. 

“She is more big now.” Tatiana patted his arm. “You are good for her.” 

“Thank you.” Nicky smiled. “I really appreciate all of your help.” 

Tatiana nodded. “It’s nothing. Is...family. Know you long time.” 

“It’s good that Hanna has family here too.” 

She looked at him thoughtfully, measuring her words. “What about your parents?” She asked. 

Nicky shrugged. “They don’t like to travel.” He looked down at Hanna. 

“They don’t visit baby?”

“They came over the summer.” He swallowed hard. “They thought...they thought adopting her was a bad idea.” He said quietly. 

Alex was unabashedly eavesdropping at that point. Tatiana made a disapproving noise. “Hanna is perfect. Why?”

Nicky shrugged. “I’m not married. I’m not...this is not what they expected from me.”

Alex was a little surprised at how angry his mother looked in that moment, her mouth twisted into a frown. “Stupid. You are good man, good papa for Hanna. Good for Sasha.” Nicky must have made a sound. “They don’t like you date men?” She guessed. 

“They’ve never said.” Nicky said quietly. Then, curious. “Were you upset that Sasha- that Alex…”

“What could Hanna do, make you not love her so much?” She asked. 

“Nothing.” Nicky answered immediately. 

Tatiana nodded. “Yes, of course. When Sasha little, I think he maybe a doctor, marry nice woman, have babies. Instead, he plays hockey, dates nice boy. It’s...all I want for him is to be happy.” She shrugged. “In Russia, it would be hard for him, but he’s not in Russia. He’s happy, make me happy.” 

“I’ll bring her to visit them over the summer, when she’s bigger.” Nicky said. His voice sounded thick and Alex finally approached, one hand coming to land on Nicky’s shoulder. “They’re...getting use to it.”

“Can come visit Russia, if you want.” Tatiana offered. ‘If you need to’, she meant. “I will miss Hanna after season.” She added. 

“I’m sure she’ll miss you too.” Nicky said. Alex didn’t know what to do with the anger that boiled up in his stomach, how could anyone not love Hanna? How could anyone not love Nicky? He couldn’t fall asleep that night, angry and sad simultaneously. 

Nicky’s birthday was coming up; Alex had known Nicky for over a decade, so he had bought him gifts before. But, it was different now that they were dating and it was different than other new relationships, because he did know Nicky so well and he couldn’t get away with buying something shiny and expensive and hoping that would work. 

For his part, Nicklas was far from helpful. 

“I don’t need anything.” He said, sprawled on the floor while Hanna played with his hair. “Ow, hey, that hurts, please don’t.” He said, wincing away from her hands when she pulled too hard. 

“Not about what you need.” Alex explained, sitting down across from them. “About what you want.”

“I have everything I want.” Nicky said, rolling onto his back and picked Hanna up, holding her over his face. 

“So difficult.” Alex said, shaking his head. Discreetly, he snapped a photo of Nicky and Hanna playing. “Luckily, very cute.”

Nicky turned his head to smile at Alex at the same time a glob of drool dropped from Hanna’s mouth onto his cheek. He screwed up his face, somewhere between disgust and laughter. “Thank you, alskling.” He said, setting her down on his stomach and wiping his face with his sleeve. Hanna laughed, delighted, clapping her hands. 

Alex scrolled through his phone at his growing collection of pictures and came up with an idea. 

Two days later, after Nicky had put Hanna to bed, Alex came and guided him downstairs. “Ok, close your eyes.” 

“Why?” Nicky asked, crossing his arms. 

“Because, I asked nicely.” Alex said. “So, close eyes.” 

“Ok, ok.” Nicky conceded, closing his eyes and covering them with one hand. 

“Good.” Alex guided him into the kitchen. “Ok, now you look.”

Nicky opened his eyes, face softening from apprehension to fondness. “Oh, Sasha…” he said quietly. On the table, Alex had a pair of cupcakes. The lights were turned down low and Alex had lit candles. In between the cupcakes, was a book. 

Alex held his breath as Nicky picked up the book. On the cover was a picture Alex had taken the first day he’d met Hanna at the hospital, with her full name printed out. Nicky leafed through the pages, showing a progression of pictures and notes Alex had written. First night at home, first smile, first food. Alex watched as Nicky’s eyes watered, gleaming in the candlelit. 

“You like?” Alex asked, one arm around Nicky’s waist. 

“It’s perfect. It’s- I love it. Thank you.” Nicky set the book aside and hugged Alex tight, though Alex suspected it was partially so he wouldn’t see him cry. 

“Happy birthday.” Alex said, kissing his cheek and squeezing him tighter. “Lots of blank pages in baby book. Can take lots more pictures.”

“Thank you


	3. December

Hanna mastered crawling the same time Nicky put up his Christmas tree. Alex helped string lights, hang ornaments, and take turns fetching the highly mobile baby who alternated between crawling out of sight and trying to tear the bottom branches off the tree. 

After the tree was set up, Alex watched from the couch as Nicky tried to take a picture of Hanna in front of it, though she kept crawling towards him instead of staying still. Alex took a stealthy video, thrilled he’d managed to catch Nicky’s fond laughter before he scooped Hanna up and peppered her with kisses. “We’ll just send everyone a video of you crawling.” Nicky decided softly. 

Alex stopped recording. “I take picture of both of you. Hold still.” He said, rolling off the couch and ambling over. 

Nicky stood beside the tree, Hanna frowning at Alex’s phone. Alex took a picture, if only to add to his growing collection of photos of her ‘murder eyes’. “Ok, now Hanna look happy, ok? People like Christmas.” 

Nicky smiled. In his arms, Hanna reached for an ornament, her face cast in a warm glow by the Christmas lights. Nicky looked so happy and content as he watched her, distracted. Alex snapped a few more pictures. “Best.” He decided. 

“You got one?” 

“Best picture.” Alex assured him. 

“Thanks.” 

Hanna whined to be put down, and then took off towards the kitchen, where there were drawers to open and pots to bang. Nicky was more or less content to let her explore, under a watchful eye of course. 

“Those are for cooking.” He told Hanna when she pointed to the pans. “Oh, this is nice.” He said, finally seeing the picture Alex had sent him. “Thank you.” 

Alex took a pot from Hanna so he could make dinner. “You’re sending to family?” It had been a week, and he hadn’t been able to bring up Nicky’s family without feeling angry. How could they not want to know Hanna? How could they not support Nicky?

Nicky shrugged. “I thought if I kept sending them updates, they would get use to it.” He admitted quietly. “If they’re still upset over the summer...I guess we’ll deal with it then.” 

“Sad they don’t want to see best baby.” 

“Yeah. She is pretty great.” Nicky looked up, taking a deep breath. “They didn’t know I was gay. I never felt like I could tell them.” 

“Why?” In Russia, it was dangerous, but Alex always assumed Sweden was different. 

“They’re fine with it, you know, in theory.” Nicky shrugged. “But not really.” 

“What do you mean?” Alex asked, glancing over his shoulder at him, but Nicky was inscrutable. 

“They say they’re ok with...with gay marriage and everything, but when they actually talk about people...I don’t know. I can tell they aren’t.” Nicky looked down and picked at an imagined piece of lint. “I never felt like I could tell them anything.” 

Alex nodded but he didn’t really understand; his mother had strong opinions, but Alex hadn’t worried when they clashed over things because he knew she loved him. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok.” Nicky shook his head. “I mean, it’s not, but it’s done. That’s not how I want Hanna to feel, ever.” 

“Good.” 

They had dinner. Hanna gnawed happily at green beans, holding a spoon in one hand and eating with the other. Alex tried to show her how to use it and Nicky shook his head. “It’s ok. She can’t use it yet.” He explained. “This is good.” 

“This is good?” Alex raised his eyebrows. 

“How their brains develop, she doesn’t really have the coordination yet.” Nicky shrugged. “So, this is good for now. She can watch us use ours.” 

“Ah. Ok.” 

Nicky grinned, somewhat shy. “I had to do a lot of child development stuff before I adopted her. It was like school again.”

“You’re a good student, though. Good at English.”

Nicky blushed, caught. “Not so good at reading it. Or writing.” He admitted. 

“No?”

“No.” Nicky laughed. “My spelling is terrible, apparently.”

“English is terrible.” Alex said agreeably. 

In December, they played Detroit. The timing worked out so that the Red Wings would be in town the day after the game, and Nicky invited Mike to stay with them. The game ended up going to overtime, and then to a shootout before Alex managed to clinch the victory. 

His reward was driving home while Nicky dozed in the passenger seat, exhausted. Tatiana left soon after they got home, Hanna was in her crib, and Nicky collapsed onto the couch. 

“Greenie still coming over?” Alex asked, getting them both glasses of water from the kitchen. 

Nicky fumbled with his phone and it slipped from his hands; he didn’t bother picking it up again. “Yeah.” He yawned. 

“You want I text him, tell him to wait until tomorrow?” Alex offered. 

“No.” Nicky shifted to allow Alex to sit beside him before he laid his head in his lap. “Haven’t seen him in a long time.” 

“Eyes closed, not gonna see him tonight.” Alex teased, scratching his fingers through Nicky’s hair and smiling as the blond let out a sigh and relaxed. 

“I’m awake.” He mumbled. 

“So awake. Life of the party.” 

“Fuck you.” Nicky frowned at him. 

“Not if Greenie is here.” Alex grinned and Nicky blushed. 

Nicky was completely asleep by the time Mike arrived; Alex texted him to let himself in, accompanied by a picture to illustrate why he couldn’t come to the door. Mike crept in, breaking into a fond smile. “Aw, poor guy.” He met Alex’s eye. “Don’t move, I’m gonna go get a bowl of warm water.” 

“I hate you.” Nicky murmured, squinting up at him. 

“I shouldn’t even hang out with you guys after that game.” Mike wandered into the kitchen, making space in the fridge for a six-pack of beer. “That was brutal.” 

“Good game.” Alex agreed. Mike came back with two beers, passing one to Alex. “Thanks.”

“What if I wanted one?” Nicky asked, just to be difficult. 

Mike snorted. “Then you’d be totally out.” Mike patted Nicky’s leg. “It’s ok. You have a baby, it’s a good excuse.” 

“She actually slept all night last night.” Nicky sat up, yawning again. “But I still woke up at 3.” 

“Did you miss it?” Mike asked, grinning. 

“I did.” Nicky admitted slowly. “She’s been sleeping better since she started crawling.”

“When Axel first slept through the night, I thought it was awesome. But then I kinda started to miss getting up and cuddling with him.” Mike ran a hand through his hair, laughing at himself. “I’m sure whenever we have another one, I’ll forget I use to miss waking up like that.” 

They chatted a while longer, until Nicky was yawning more than he contributed. He slumped against Alex, dozing off while his friends lowered their voices to keep from disturbing him. 

“You guys doing ok?” Mike asked. 

“Best.” Alex assured him. 

“Good. Good.” Mike nodded, peeling the label off his bottle. “I’m glad.” 

Alex took a long drink of his beer. “Easy to make him happy.” He shrugged. “I’m lucky.” 

Mike smiled at him. “Yeah, you are.” He chuckled. “I’m glad...I’m glad you guys figured your shit out.” 

Alex made a curious hum. 

“He was so hung up on you when we were younger. And then you got engaged, and he started dating that asshole.” 

“David?”

“Yeah, that asshole.” Mike took a swig of beer. “And he wasn’t happy and then that douche cheated on him...I thought about flying down to kick his ass.” Mike said, a bit of menace creeping into his words. 

“You meet him?”

“What? No, no, I just heard about it all from Nick.” Mike gestured with his bottle towards the sleeping blond. “I was kinda worried when he said he was adopting a baby, but...he’s so happy now. And he’s got you.” 

Alex looked at Nicky, feeling warm and protective. Carefully, he laid him down in his lap, combing his fingers through his hair. “I get him.” 

“Yeah.” Mike smiled. “You want more beer?” 

“Sure.” 

Mike took their empties and returned moments later. He handed one to Alex and sank back down on the couch, pulling his feet up. When they’d been younger, Nicky and Mike had been practically joined at the hip. Alex had been surprised when Greenie started hanging out with the quiet Swedish kid, who he barely heard talk. 

Alex clicked on the TV and switched it to a random movie, just to have something as background noise. 

He and Mike chatted a while longer, gossiping about former teammates and any people they knew. Eventually, Nicky opened his eyes, though it was a stretch to say he was awake. 

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Mike asked, nudging him with his foot.

Nicky shrugged. “I don’t know. Anything you want to do?” 

Mike rolled his eyes. “I just wanted to see you and the kid.” 

“You baby-sit, we go out.” Alex joked, laughing. 

Nicky shook his head. “We should go to that sushi place.” He turned his head to look at Mike. “It’s really good.”

“Sure, sounds good.” 

They had breakfast at home the next day, Nicky making omelettes while Alex and Mike watched Hanna eat some banana. In turn, Hanna watched Mike warily, unsure of the new person joining them for breakfast. 

When they all ate together, Hanna reached for Nicky’s plate, trying to grab some new food. Calmly, he pushed her hands back and tore off some small pieces of his omelette to place in front of her. 

“She likes food a lot, huh?” Mike grinned, watching. 

“Yeah.” Nicky watched as Hanna kicked her feet happily as she ate. 

After breakfast, they went to the National Mall. The weather was overcast but not too cold and Hanna did not like her stocking cap. She whined and fussed with it until Nicky finally took it off and pulled up the hood on her coat. “You have to stay warm.” He told her, one hand on her back. 

“Do you not have a stroller?” Mike asked. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “I don’t like it.” He admitted. “It’s too big.” 

Mike laughed, “Ok, sorry. Well, if you get tired of carrying her, I wouldn’t mind.” 

They’d been walking around for an hour when Nicky finally relinquished his hold on Hanna, passing her to Mike wordlessly. Mike smiled widely and Hanna’s face crumpled. “Papapapapapa.” She whined. Mike laughed, stopping when Alex’s eyes jumped to Nicky’s face. The blond was frozen, eyes wide, before he broke into a smile and quickly took her from Mike’s arms again. 

“It’s ok. He doesn’t have to hold you.” Nicky assured her, glancing at Mike for a second, still smiling. “You are so smart.” He told her, rocking side to side. 

“She's never said that before?” Mike guessed. 

“No.” Alex answered, feeling a flow of pride in his chest. “Best baby!” He laughed, pressing a loud kiss to her cheek. Hanna laughed, hiding her face against Nicky’s shoulder and turning her head to smile at Alex. 

Mike laughed, clapping a hand on Nicky’s shoulder. “That’s awesome!” He grinned. 

Nicky settled Hanna back in the baby carrier on his chest, checking to make sure her pants didn’t ride up and expose her ankles. “Can you say ‘papa’?” He asked, totally absorbed. “Papa?”

“Papapapapa.” Hanna said, gripping his collar in one hand. 

“Such a smart girl.” Nicky smiled, dimples barely showing. “Good job, Hanna.” 

Hanna fell asleep in Nicky’s arms as they kept walking, her head resting just under his chin. Alex took a couple discrete pictures, smiling to himself. 

They had lunch at the sushi restaurant and the server brought Hanna avocado to eat. Afterwards, Nicky gave her her bottle and they sat in the booth a while longer, chatting. During a lull in the conversation, Mike started to laugh. 

“What?” Nicky asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. 

“I was just thinking...Remember when I dared you to drink all that Fireball?”

Nicky groaned, smiling anyway. “I wish I didn’t.” He said. 

Alex looked between the two of them. “What happen?” Alex didn’t remember this story. Nicky looked at Mike and nodded, indicating he should continue. 

Mike looked delighted. “He took, like, I don’t know 7 or 8 shots?” Nicky shrugged. “Anyway, it was a lot and he ended up skinny dipping in your pool.” 

Nicky rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “You did too, so.”

“Where was I?” Alex asked, laughing.

“I think you were hooking up with someone inside.” Mike said, shrugging. “It was way too cold to be in the water. We were just really drunk.”

“What made you think of that?” Nicky asked, glancing down to watch Hanna work on her bottle. 

“I don’t know. Everyone thinks you’re so quiet and responsible now, it’s funny to remember when you weren’t.” 

“Not quiet.” Alex teased, watching as color flooded Nicky’s cheeks. 

“You’re married and have a kid.” Nicky pointed out, ignoring Alex. “And usually you were the one coming up with all those ideas.”

“I know, I know.” Mike sighed. “It’s nice, though. Seeing you with Hanna, I mean. It’s a good look for you.” 

“Thanks.” Nicky smiled and then made a face. “I really should stay away from shots.”

Alex laughed and Mike leaned forward. “Is this a good story? I want to hear it.”

“Nicky take too many shots in Vegas, scar the children for life.” Alex explained. 

“You don’t want to know.” Nicky added quickly. 

“I think I already know too much.” Mike said, leaning back in his seat. 

Alex lowered his voice, giving a dangerous grin. “What happens in Vegas…”

“Won’t happen again if you bring it up.” Nicky said with a sly smirk. 

Alex mimed zipping his lips and Mike let out a heavy sigh. “Ok, let’s talk about anything else.” He said with exasperated fondness. 

Even though it was December, it didn’t feel like winter. Alex dreamed of snowmen and sledding, and instead got freezing rain and sleet. He frowned out the living room window overlooking Nicky’s backyard while the Swede sat on the couch giving Hanna her bottle and taking it easy. He didn’t have to say anything for Alex to know his hip was acting up. He was moving slowly and the bags under his eyes looked more pronounced. Alex sighed, leaning his forehead against the window and letting his breath fog it up. 

“What’s the matter?” Nicky asked quietly. 

“Weather is gross.” Alex gestured towards the glass. “Want to show Hanna snow.” 

Nicky smiled warmly at him. “She’ll learn.” He said, patient on and off the ice, especially if Alex wasn’t. “Besides, she can’t really do much with it now.” 

“I know, but still cute.” Alex flopped down beside them, throwing an arm around Nicky and pressing an exaggerated kiss to his cheek. Hanna giggled before turning her attention back to her meal. 

“Yeah. I wish I could take her home to see the snow.” Nicky said quietly. “When I was young, I didn’t realize there wasn’t always snow everywhere, all winter.”

“Me too.” Alex agreed. “Lots of snow, ponds always frozen. Very nice.”

“Less nice walking to school in a meter of snow.” Nicky snorted. 

“Ok, fair. And cleaning off ponds all the time.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky hummed. “Maybe after we retire…” Alex’s eyes snapped to Nicky’s face in time to see him flush and his eyes go wide. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“Shh.” Alex shushed him. “I like it. After we retire, take Hanna to see all the snow.” He kissed him on the lips, savoring the sweetness with which Nicky kissed, the gentle slide of their lips together. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Nicky agreed, lips shiny and pink, looking a little bit dazed even if it was objectively one of the least sexy kisses they’d ever shared. “You should move in.” He said abruptly. 

Alex laughed, pausing when a flash of hurt crossed Nicky’s eyes. “Nicky…I’m here every night, almost. For months.” He reassured him. 

“I know. But...I want you to move in.” He said quietly, looking down at Hanna so Alex couldn’t see his face. There was always more between Nicky’s words than there appeared on the surface, Alex had learned. Nicky wanted it to be acknowledged and discussed, wanted it to be official. 

“Ok. I move in all my shoes, that sound good?” Alex teased, mostly to watch Nicky’s cheeks rise in a smile. 

“I don’t know if I have that much room.” Nicky said dryly. He cleared his throat. “We can reorganize the closet, maybe get a dresser.” He offered. 

“Ok.” Alex agreed, feeling warm down to his toes at the idea of Nicky’s and his clothes mingled in one space, the sheer domesticity of it something he never imagined he would crave. 

Freezing rain gave way to just enough snow overnight to weigh down tree branches and knock out the power.

“Mama says no power there either.” Alex said, holding his phone by his ear. 

“The roads are probably too icy to drive anyway.” Nicky said, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and cuddling Hanna to his chest. They’d woken a little after 2AM to a crying baby and a freezing cold house. Downstairs, the gas fireplace provided enough heat to stay camped out in the living room.

Alex sat down on the couch beside them, pulling another blanket over the three of them. “Now what?” 

Nicky shrugged. “Hanna’s pack-and-play is in the basement, we can put it in here.” He sighed. “I can sleep on the floor if you want the couch.”

“Floor bad for hip.” Alex pointed out. 

“Bad for everything, really.” Nicky chuckled. “You can stay in here if you want and I can sleep upstairs.”

“Too cold upstairs.” Alex shook his head. “We both fit on couch. We cuddle.” 

“We can try.” Nicky yawned. “Here, hold her. I’ll go get the crib.” Nicky stumbled and barely caught himself. 

Hanna was generally content to be held. Alex stood, pacing the room to stave off the chill and she started to drowse against his chest in a matter of minutes. She was all the way asleep by the time Nicky had assembled the crib.

Alex laid her down gently and she let out a contented sigh without stirring otherwise. Nicky settled on the couch beside her. 

“Here, like this.” Alex pulled Nicky close, the blond half on top of him. “Keeps warm, yes?”

“Yeah.” Nicky adjusted the blankets. “Don’t push me off the edge.”

“Never. Need my center.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Nicky’s chapped lips. 

When Alex woke in the morning, the house was dark and quiet. Hanna was talking quietly to herself, strings of vowels that sounded happy. Nicky, despite his reticence, was wrapped around Alex like an octopus, his face pressed against his neck. 

Slowly, carefully, Alex extricated himself from his grip and picked Hanna up from her crib. She blew a spit bubble at him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a loose hug. 

“Ok. Now, we wake up Papa.” He whispered. 

“Papapapa.” Hanna repeated. 

“Yes, exactly.” 

Nicky smiled when Alex laid Hanna on his chest, his hands coming up to hold her. “Good morning, alskling.” He said sleepily. “Is the power still out?” 

“Yeah.” Alex nodded, sitting on the couch by Nicky’s feet. “Sleep ok?”

“Yeah. You?” Nicky sat up, moving a little gingerly. Someone else may have missed it, but Alex knew him too well. 

“Best. I had best blanket.” 

Nicky rolled his eyes, still grinning. “I’m sure.” He set Hanna down and she took off crawling towards the Christmas tree. “I’m going to go make her a bottle.” 

“I watch her.” Alex promised. 

Nicky returned a bit later and Hanna made a happy noise when she saw the bottle, holding her arms up to be picked up. Nicky smiled indulgently and scooped her up. She could hold the bottle on her own, but Nicky didn’t seem to want to miss out on feeding her. 

“I texted TJ, they have power there. He said we can come over if we want.” Nicky said, smiling down at Hanna. 

“You want?”

“I think it’ll be better for Hanna.” Nicky shrugged. “If the roads aren’t too bad. I don’t know how much longer the power will be out.” 

“I can drive.” Alex offered. 

The drive to the Oshie residence wasn’t long and his daughters were still in their pajamas when TJ opened the door. “Hey, happy snow day, guys.” He laughed. “We made pancakes, I hope you’re hungry.” 

Hanna was unsure about TJ, but she seemed to love his daughters. Soon, she was exploring the living room while Lyla and Leni showed her toys and played with her. TJ, Nicky, and Alex watched from the sofa. 

“She’s crawling really well.” TJ smiled. 

“She is.” Nicky took a sip of coffee. “She was just...I thought it would take her longer.”

“With Lyla, it was like one day everything just clicked.” TJ shrugged. “She went from 0 to 60 like that.” He said, snapping his fingers. 

“Hanna start crawling after you put up Christmas tree.” Alex pointed out. “Needed something to go destroy.”

Nicky laughed. “All the ornaments have been moved up.” He nodded. 

“Yeah, we have to have all the fragile ones all the way at the top.” TJ grinned. “Girls, be gentle. Hanna’s still a baby.” He said, watching as his oldest picked up the infant and set her on a play chair. 

“But daddy, she likes it.” Lyla said, pointing at Hanna while she laughed. 

“I know, sweetie. But we still have to be careful. Just like when Leni was little.” TJ explained. 

They talked about the team, the weather, the rest of the season all while keeping an ear open listening to the three girls playing together. Finally, Hanna hit her limit, letting out a tired wail. “Papapapapa.” She cried, crawling towards him and then burying her face in the rug dramatically. 

“Oh, is it that bad?” Nicky smiled bemusedly. “Come here, alskling.” He spoke to her in gentle Swedish and she rallied enough effort to crawl the rest of the way to him. He picked her up and she rested her head against his chest. 

“She can use Leni’s crib if you want.” TJ offered. “She doesn’t do a morning nap anymore.” 

“This is ok.” Nicky said quietly, getting up to go get her lovey from the diaper bag, rocking her in his arms. Lovey in hand, Hanna fell asleep quickly. Nicky settled back on the couch, leaning into Alex’s side. 

“Is the baby sleeping?” Lyla asked in hushed tones, staring at Nicky with wide eyes. 

“Yes. It’s her nap time.”

“Oh.” Lyla nodded slowly. “Do you want a blankie?” She offered one that was pink and looked well-loved. 

“I think she’d like that, thank you.” Alex had to smile at Nicky’s patient tone, so different than Alex had known over the last decade. 

TJ laughed too. “I wish you sounded like that when you talked to the team.” He teased. 

“I wish I could.” Nicky smirked. 

Alex kissed his temple. “Mean Lars.” He chided. 

“Realistic.” Nicky suggested. 

“Ruthless.” TJ corrected. Nicky rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Hanna’s face, features relaxed in slumber. 

By the next day, the roads were clear enough to get to morning skate without problems. Alex kept an eye on Nicky; something seemed off, a half-step difference he could feel in their line but couldn’t put his finger on. 

Afterwards, he waited until the blond had showered and dressed before he asked. “You ok?” He asked. 

Nicky smiled. “Yeah.” He cocked his head. “Why?” He looked pale, his face tense. 

Alex shrugged. “Hip ok?” He asked quietly. 

Nicky looked up at him from packing his things into his bag. “It’s just sore.” He assured him. “Don’t you get sore sometimes?”

“Just checking.” Alex shrugged. “Sometimes, you don’t say.” 

Nicky shrugged. “I know. I’m...I don’t want to hide things from you.” He started. “But it's just a little sore.” He promised. 

“Take hot bath.” Alex suggested. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “I’d rather take a longer nap.” He said. The bags under his eyes were prominent and purple, but it was December and everyone was starting to look worn down. 

“Tired?” Alex asked. 

Nicky laughed lightly. “Since Hanna was born, yeah.” He slung his bag over his shoulder. “Ready?” 

Alex followed him out to the parking lot, thinking. He called his mother on the way home, speaking to her in Russian while Nicky leaned his head against the window. He hung up as he turned to go to Nicky’s home. 

“Aren’t we picking up Hanna?” Nicky asked, sitting up a bit straighter. 

Alex smiled. “Mama is going to keep her until tomorrow.” 

“Oh.” Nicky blinked. “Why?”

Alex chuckled. “So you can sleep. And, I think they are making Christmas gifts.” 

“I don’t want to bother-“

“She’s not bothered.” Alex promised. “She tells me all the time how I should take care of you. Think she thinks you too good for me.” He joked. 

“I-“

“Tomorrow and the next day, both off, and we’ll do something fun with Hanna.” 

“There’s an optional scheduled.”

“She can come too.” Alex shrugged. “We go home now, take bath together and nap.”

“Ok.”

Nicky had a huge soaking tub in his bathroom; Alex didn’t understand his reluctance to use it. It was big enough that they both fit, Nicky’s back pressed up against Alex’s chest, with hot water up almost all the way to their shoulders. 

“See? Nice.” 

“Mhm.” Nicky hummed, closing his eyes. Alex had the water as hot as he could stand it. Nicky was pink in the face from the steam. 

Alex rubbed his fingers over Nicky’s hip, over the nearly invisible scars from his surgery. “Should tell me when something bothers you.” He said gently. Last year he’d ignored all the signs that Nicky was stretched too thin, until Nicky had actually broken apart. Only later did he find out Nicky had thought of leaving the team then; he wasn’t going to let him down again.

“It’s nothing.”

“Tired, sore, not nothing.” Alex chided gently. 

Nicky stayed quiet for a long moment before he cleared his throat. “Is it my playing? Am I not-“

“No!” Alex startled both of them. “Nicky, no. No. Best center ever, I promise.” Alex rubbed his arm. 

“Ok.”

Alex kissed him. “I like to take care of you.” He whispered. “Ok?”

“Thank you.” 

When they were pruney and the water starting to lose its heat, Alex decided it was time to eat. He made pasta and Nicky ate the whole bowl. Afterwards, Alex ushered him upstairs, pulling the curtains and curling up in bed with him. Nicky was asleep within minutes and Alex read on his phone for an hour until he, too, could fall asleep. 

Nicky ended up sleeping for four hours. He woke on his own, rolling over and pressing his face against Alex’s chest with a groan. 

“Sleep ok?” Alex teased. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Only four hours.” 

“Fuck. Thank you.” Nicky yawned, stretching. “I feel better.” 

The game was amazing. Nicky had a goal and three assists, one of which was a beautiful tight pass through heavy traffic. Alex had been able to bury it in the back of the net with ease and launch himself into Nicky’s arms. 

Afterwards, when a reporter asked what was different about the game, he smiled to himself. “Sometimes Backy wakes up on right side of the bed.” He answered playfully. 

Nicky slid up alongside him on the bench after he’d gotten dressed. “We should go out with the boys for a bit.” He said, a half smile playing across his lips and sparkling in his eyes. 

“Yeah?” Alex raised his eyebrows. “You want some shots?”

Nicky’s whole face scrunched up at that. “God, no. Never again.” 

“Too bad. Such a cute drunk.” Alex wrapped an arm around his shoulder, leaning his head against Nicky’s. “Ok. Let’s go.” 

Alex lost track of Nicky almost as soon as they got to the bar. Last he saw him, Andre had pulled him into a booth and whatever he was saying made him laugh. Alex got stuck at the bar listening to Brooks Orpik explain the merits of juicing (not the tasty kind of juice, it turned out). 

Tom rescued him inadvertently, by bumping into Brooks and spilling his drink. Tom took his seat while the older man went to go clean up. “Was he still talking about carrot juice?” Tom asked. 

“Yes, thank you for saving me.” Alex said, grinning when Tom laughed. 

“No problem.” Tom kicked his feet into Alex’s barstool, chatting about whatever crossed his mind. Alex let it all wash over him as he nursed his beer. “Hey, where’s your other half?” He finally asked. 

“Don’t know. Burky steal him.” Alex shrugged. Glancing over his shoulder, he searched the bar but couldn’t find the burst of blond hair in the crowd. 

“Oh. He just texted me, hold on.” Tom unlocked his phone, face confused for a second and then smiling, bathed in the blue light of his screen. “They’re at the gyro place across the street. Let’s go, I’m starving.” 

They snagged Evgeny on the way out. The gyro restaurant was quieter than the bar, but not empty. The three hockey players picked their way through a maze of chairs laden with winter coats and tables to reach the booth Nicky and Andre had claimed in the back corner. 

Nicky beamed at Alex when he came into view. “Hey.” He said, scooting over to give him room. 

“Hey.” Alex easily threw his arm around the back of the bench and Nicky relaxed against his side. 

“Congrats on the 4 points.” Evgeny said, nodding his head at Nicky. 

Nicky shrugged. “Everyone played really well.” 

Alex snorted. “So modest.” He chirped him. He squeezed Nicky’s shoulder. “One point for every hour of nap.”

Andre’s mouth dropped. “You slept for four hours?” He asked incredulously. 

Nicky frowned at Alex and Andre. “Why are we talking about this?” He asked. 

“Nicky is most sleepy.” Alex teased. 

“Apparently.” Andre said. 

Nicky narrowed his eyes at his compatriot. “You can watch Hanna, if you want.”

“No, no, that’s ok.” Andre said quickly. 

They ate and had to leave when the restaurant started to close for the night. Nicky was quiet, not talking even after they reached the car. He bit his lip, deep in thought. They were halfway home before he spoke. “What do should we do tomorrow?” 

“Zoo?”

Nicky shrugged. “If it’s not too cold.”

They went straight to bed after arriving home. Alex woke up in the morning to his phone ringing and Nicky wrapped around him, one leg tangled in between Alex’s. 

“Hello?” He managed, barely opening his eyes. 

_“Good morning.”_ His mother said cheerfully. _“When are you coming for breakfast?”_

Lifting his head, Alex caught a glimpse of the clock at saw it was already 9:30AM. _“Oh, soon.”_ He promised. 

Tatiana laughed. _“You were still sleeping, I take it?”_

 _“Yes.”_ Alex admitted. In the background he could hear Hanna babbling happily to herself. _“How is Hanna?”_

 _“Good, she’s eating. I haven’t found anything she won’t eat.”_ Tatiana said. 

_“She’s a good eater.”_ Alex agreed with a yawn. 

_“Yes. Now, you two come over for breakfast. Don’t tell Nicklas, but Hanna cried for him last night before bed.” _She said. Alex felt his heart squeeze extra tight in his chest.__

____

____

_“Be there soon. I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

He hung up and kissed Nicky’s forehead. “Mama is making breakfast, wants to feed us.” 

Nicky groaned and blinked awake at him. “What?” He asked, confused. 

Alex kissed him again. “Breakfast at mama’s.” 

“Ok.” Nicky closed his eyes again. “When?”

Alex chuckled. “Now. You are like….like sloth.” There was a sloth in one of Hanna’s books. 

Nicky squinted at him. “Not a sloth.” He grumbled, slowly untangling himself from Alex. 

Alex took a quick shower and by the time he returned, Nicky was getting dressed. He wore jeans and a dark green Henley, and Alex was briefly distracted by how the soft fabric pulled across his shoulders. Nicky offered him a slow smile as he pulled a stocking cap on over his hair; if Nicky could get away with not brushing his hair, he would. 

“Ready?” Nicky asked. 

Tatiana made fried eggs and syrniki, a cottage cheese fritter. Alex felt a rush of nostalgia as he ate, listening to his parents talking back and forth about errands and to do lists. To his other side, Nicky was talking to Hanna in Swedish. Alex felt like he was bursting with happiness, unable to stop smiling. 

After breakfast, Nicky and Alex did the dishes together while Tatiana cleaned Hanna’s sticky face and hands. Nicky smiled when she cried for him, but didn’t go get her until Tatiana proclaimed she was done. 

Hanna looped her arms around Nicky’s neck, holding tight to him. Nicky patted her back and closed his eyes as he ducked his nose down to the top of her head. Hanna always smelled like lotion and baby shampoo, and whatever else it was that made babies smell good. 

“Was she good?” Nicky asked. 

“Very good.” Tatiana promised. “Yesterday, very sunny, we go to playground. She likes swing.” 

Nicky smiled. “Thank you. I really appreciate all your help.”

“You are family, Nicklas. Is what we do.” She assured him. 

They decided on the zoo. Alex offered to carry her; he liked the weight of her on his chest. Nicky helped him adjust the carrier and Hanna fell asleep after they’d been there about half an hour. 

“Your dad seemed...happy today.” Nicky said, passing Alex a cup of coffee. They had found a quiet spot inside to let Hanna finish her morning nap. 

“He was not sure about this before.” Alex said, shrugging. “Mama said she has been talking to him about it.”

“He’s ok with it now?” Nicky asked. 

Alex nodded. “Yeah. Said...said he likes to see me so happy.” 

Nicky smiled. “Oh. Good.”

“Plus, he loves babies. Mama said he is going to spoil Hanna.” Alex laughed. “Likes being grandfather, I think.” 

Nicky nodded. “Good.” He looked down at his coffee. “I like that they’re helping. I think it’s good for Hanna. It’s good to have family around.” 

Alex watched Nicky’s fingers fidget with his napkin. “You talk to your family?” Alex asked. 

Nicky forced a smile. “I talked to my mom after my birthday. She didn’t even ask about Hanna.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky shrugged. “She didn’t ask about you, either. She wanted to know if I still planned to come home this summer.” 

“Do you?” 

“My cousin is getting married. I want to go to that.” Nicky was looking anywhere but Alex’s face. “But...I don’t know.” He admitted. 

Alex hated not being able to kiss away the worried line between Nicky’s eyebrows, being unable to hold his hand. Nicky looked quietly miserable and Alex couldn’t do anything about it. “Don’t have to. Just because they are family, you don’t have to see them.”

“I know. Kris wants to meet Hanna. He has two kids and we want them to meet.” Nicky bit at his lip. “I don’t know what he thinks about…us.” 

“Wants to meet baby, so that’s good.” Alex tried to be positive. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. “It’s good.” He agreed softly. 

Christmas, it turned out, was Nicky’s favorite holiday. The tree had been up since the end of November and a constant loop of Christmas music had been playing at the house the last two weeks. Alex didn’t know if Nicky was throwing himself into the festivities to ignore his family or if he was like this every year. 

Two days before Christmas, Alex came home from a PR event to find Nicky making Christmas cookies with bloodshot, tearful eyes. “Nicky? You ok?” Alex asked quietly. 

Hanna was upstairs sleeping, cheery Christmas music was playing, there was a Christmas movie playing on the TV, the kitchen was littered with red and green sprinkles, and Nicky looked moments away from crying. 

Nicky shrugged, gesturing towards a small box on the table, pressing his lips together and going back to making cookies. Alex moved closer to investigate. The box was plain, but the return address was in Sweden. Picking it up, Alex’s heart sank when he realized it was only addressed to Nicklas, not to the Backstrom family. 

He lifted the flaps and the box was empty. “They send empty box?” He asked, starting to feel angry. 

“No.” Nicky didn’t look up. Looking around, Alex caught sight of a Christmas ornament, shaped like a hockey stick. 

“Send you little stick?” He asked, confused. He was missing something. 

“My family always does a special ornament for the kids for their first Christmas.” He explained. “They’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember.” 

“This not the ornament?” Alex said, stomach sinking. 

“No.” Nicky shook his head. “It usually- I have mine. I’ll show you.” He frowned at the counter in front of him. “I thought- but they didn’t even include her on the address.” He said quietly. 

“I’m sorry, Nicky.” Alex wrapped him in a hug. “I’m sorry.” 

Nicky remained tense for a moment before he melted into Alex’s chest, hands clenching tight around fistfuls of Alex’s shirt. Alex swayed them both back and forth, kissing Nicky’s cheek and wishing he knew what to say. 

Despite his family, or perhaps in spite of them, Nicky made Christmas for Hanna. Hanna was just old enough to appreciate ripping wrapping paper, and just young enough that she didn’t care what was inside. 

Alex managed to get a video of her opening a gift and laughing with delight at the sound of the paper tearing. 

Hanna’s laugh made Nicky laugh, and Nicky’s laugh made Alex laugh. The house was cozy and warm and brimming with happiness. Nicky gave Alex a new watch and a key to the house, which was mostly ceremonial given that they primarily came and went through the garage. It meant more than that, though. It meant the start of something, it meant Nicky wanted Alex to know how much he was wanted, even if he didn’t know how to say it. 

If Alex teared up, Nicky pretended not to notice. 

Alex gave Nicky a shirt that said ‘papa bear’ and one for Hanna that said ‘baby bear’, both adorned with the silhouette of a bear. Hanna didn’t look impressed but Nicky smiled. “Cute. Thank you.” 

Alex also gave him a new stocking cap and framed photos of Nicky and Hanna, and one with the three of them. 

Afterwards, Nicky insisted they watch the Donald Duck Christmas Special, which Alex had not realized was a Thing, but was apparently very important. They ate Christmas cookies and Nicky kept tapping Alex’s arm to make sure he was paying attention. 

“I’m watch.” He promised after the fourth time. 

“This is my favorite part.” Nicky said, ignoring the fact that it was in Swedish. Still, Hanna was enthralled hearing the cartoons speak like her papa did, and Alex could sacrifice an hour to watch the two of them watch it together for the first time. 

Alex’s parents came over later and they exchanged gifts again. Most were for Hanna, but Nicky also received a small box. Inside, it contained an ornament with Hanna’s handprint on it and the year carefully written in meticulous handwriting. Nicky made sure to hang it on the tree, right in front. 

Afterwards, they made a big lunch together. Nicky made meatballs and Hanna fell in love with them, happily eating at the counter and humming with every bite.

“Can you say babushka?” Alex asked her between bites. 

“Ba.” 

“Yes, babushka.” He encouraged. 

“Ba!” Hanna said emphatically. 

“Babushka.” 

“Babah!” 

“Smartest girl.” Alex said, kissing her. “Can you say papa?”

“Papapapa!” That one she was good at. Nicky looked up at his name and smiled at her. 

“Yes, so good!” Alex praised. “So smart.”


	4. January

Alex kissed Nicky on New Years for the second time in their lives. Alex did not find that joke as funny as Nicky did, but he had also not had as much champagne as the Swede. Nicky giggled when he told Alex, eyes sparkling with delight. 

TJ and his wife had hosted a New Year’s Eve party and Hanna had gone to sleep easily upstairs, sharing a room with their youngest. Downstairs, Nicky was tucked in alongside Alex and starting to fall asleep by 1AM. 

“Were you guys together last year?” TJ asked. 

“No.” Nicky answered, voice heavy with sleep. “Sasha’s just a tease.” TJ gave a surprised bark of a laugh. 

Alex snorted, ruffling Nicky’s hair fondly. “Long time ago.” Alex answered. 

TJ nodded. Slowly, people started to filter out except for Alex, who was trapped underneath his sleeping partner. “You can stay here tonight.” TJ offered. “The guest room is made up.” 

“Thank you.” Alex said. He shook Nicky’s shoulder. “Up. Gonna stay here, ok?” Nicky groaned and let Alex guide him to the guest room. 

TJ laughed quietly. “Night, guys.” 

In the morning, Alex woke up and was surprised to find that Nicky wasn’t beside him. He pulled on his jeans from the night before and opened the door, following the sound of voices upstairs to the kitchen. 

Lyla was the first to greet him. “Do you like waffles?” She asked.

“Love waffles.” Alex agreed with enthusiasm. 

“Good! I haven’t had waffles ALL YEAR.” She said, laughing at her own joke. Alex laughed with her, sharing a smile with TJ. Nicky was seated at the table with Hanna in his arms, taking her bottle eagerly. 

“You get up early.” Alex said, settling down next to him. 

“I just woke up.” Nicky shrugged, avoiding eye contact. Alex glanced over his shoulder, to where TJ was at least pretending convincingly to not eavesdrop. 

“What time?” Alex asked. Nicky shifted restlessly. “Nicky?”

“4.” He admitted quietly. “I couldn’t fall back to sleep.” 

“Why?”

“Just...thinking.” Nicky said quietly. 

Alex nodded, letting it slide. They had breakfast with the Oshie family and then went home. Hanna went down for her morning nap and Alex waited for the right moment to ask what was on his mind. 

“Can you keep an eye on her?” The blond asked, handing Alex the baby monitor before he could open his mouth. “I need to make a phone call.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Alex agreed. 

He didn’t mean to eavesdrop. He had been sitting on the couch, texting Malkin about dinner when the Pens were in D.C next week, but Nicky was in the kitchen and didn’t seem to realize how loud he was. It was all in Swedish, but Alex had never heard Nicky sound so angry. His voice was wet and emotional, biting and mean. Alex slouched lower in his seat as Nicky raised his voice. 

Nicky made a frustrated sound and Alex heard something skitter across the floor. He waited a moment and then slowly approached him, finding Nicky with his head in his arms, hunched over the breakfast bar. His phone was on the other side of the room, under a cabinet. 

“Didn’t sound so good.” Alex said slowly. He settled on the barstool beside him, rubbing his back gently. 

Nicky huffed, a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Sorry.”

“Who make you so mad?” Alex asked. 

Nicky turned his head to look at him, red in the face. “My dad.” He said quietly. 

“What did he say?”

“I sent them some pictures from Christmas and he said it was...it was unfair to my mom because your parents were here with Hanna.” Nicky’s hands clenched into tight fists. 

“They don’t come visit. Don’t even call.” Alex said, angering quickly. 

“I told him that. They never ask about her, they never ask if I’m doing ok.” His face softened. “I just want...I want them to like her. And you.” Nicky swallowed. “And me.” 

Alex was made of weak mortal flesh and he wrapped Nicky in a hug even though the blond’s skin was still hot with anger and he looked like he was liable to explode. “Most important thing, Hanna loves you.” Alex assured him. 

“I know. But-“

“I know. Not the same.” Alex squeezed him tighter. “He say anything else?”

“No. I...I yelled at him.” Nicky said, seemingly just now realizing it. “I told him if they didn’t want to be part of Hanna’s life, they didn’t want to be part of mine.” 

“Oh, Nicky…” Alex kissed the top of his head. 

“I’m not sorry I said it.” Nicky shrugged. He straightened, his eyes fierce with love. “I told him when they were ready, Hanna would be lucky to have a second pair of grandparents.” 

Alex winced but smiled. “Mean Lars, huh?”

Nicky laughed sheepishly, ducking his head. “I guess.”

“Maybe this summer.” Alex said optimistically. “This summer Kris meets Hanna, maybe parents will too.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky looked up at him. “You should come with us.” He said suddenly. 

“You sure?”

“I’ll feel better if you’re there.” Nicky admitted softly. 

Who was Alex to say no to that? “Of course, I go.” He promised. 

“Afterwards, we can go visit your parents.” 

“You sure?” Alex asked again. 

Nicky laughed, rubbing his eyes. “If my family is really bad, maybe we can just run away to an island.” He suggested. 

“Ok, sounds like good plan.” 

Hanna celebrated the new year by learning how to pull herself up on things. One minute Alex was on the phone and the next, Hanna had managed to pull an entire glass of ice water off the coffee table and onto herself. She plopped down on her bottom and screamed because she was abruptly wet and cold. 

Nicky poked his head around the corner and Hanna caught sight of him. “Papapapa!” She pleaded, crawling towards him and collapsing midway to cry harder. “Papa!” 

Nicky picked her up, brushing away ice cubes that had gotten caught in her onesie. “What happened?” He asked her. She rested her head on his shoulder, hiccuping. 

“She pull up on coffee table.” Alex explained, gesturing to the empty glass and the coaster on the floor. “I get towels.” 

Nicky smiled at her and carried her to her room, a steady tide of Swedish washing over her. Alex dried the floor and went to check on Hanna. 

Nicky had just finished stripping off her wet clothes and changing her diaper. Alex stood back as Nicky dressed her in pajamas, the kind with feet and a zipper up the front. They were decorated with frogs and lily pads. 

“Growing up is very hard.” Nicky said conversationally. “But it doesn’t have to be this hard.” He added when Hanna whined at him. He combed his fingers through her hair, her curls longer and more unruly than ever. Alex wanted to clip them back with a barrette but Hanna always pulled them out and tried to eat them. 

“Messy hair, looks like her papa.” Alex teased. 

Nicky smiled at him over his shoulder, settling Hanna on his hip. “It’s not that messy.”

“Uh huh, sure.” Alex teased. Hanna may not have inherited Nicky’s curls, but she certainly shared his general distaste for combs. 

They returned to the living room and Hanna pulled up on the coffee table again, undeterred by previous events. “Good job, Hanna.” Nicky praised her. 

“So strong!” Alex cheered. 

Hanna plopped back down and crawled into Nicky’s lap, unimpressed. He patted her back and she snuggled up against him. 

They played a Sunday afternoon game against the Penguins and Alex’s parents brought Hanna with them to the game. Alex would never get used to how his heart fluttered in his chest at the sight of Hanna in her Backstrom jersey. Maybe it wasn’t actually the jersey, but how Nicky melted around the edges, going soft and fond in a way Alex had never seen until Hanna was born. 

Alex was always able to dig a little bit deeper when his parents were in the crowd. He scored on 2-on-1 rush with Nicky feeding him a perfect pass. As he raised his arms in celebration, he realized the crowd didn’t sound as loud as usual. As he circled back around, he dropped his arms and rushed towards the cluster of grappling hockey players. 

There was blood on the ice and Nicky wasn’t standing, was one of the players that was sandwiched along the boards as everyone leaped to join into the fray. Alex was going to kill someone, once he figured out who was responsible. 

He was distracted from that mission because Nicky managed to free himself from the pile of players and Alex immediately helped him to his feet, eyes widening at the blood running down his face. 

“You ok?”

“Fine.” Nicky huffed, shaking off his gloves and covering the laceration on his cheek. “Fuck. Does it need stitches?” He asked without much hope as Alex helped steer him towards the bench. 

“Oh, yeah.” Alex laughed. 

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” Nicky said, frowning at him sternly. “I’m serious.” 

“Nothing stupid.” Alex promised, though he and Nicky had differing definitions of stupid. 

“Hanna’s watching.” Nicky reminded him as he got to the gate and a trainer grabbed him by the elbow. 

Alex didn’t want to fight in front of Hanna, and he also didn’t know for certain who had hurt Nicky, though he suspected he did. With only a few minutes left in the period, he was mostly intent on hitting everyone. After the horn sounded, he hurried down the tunnel to the medical room. 

He lingered in the doorway while Nicky finished getting stitched up. Alex winced sympathetically; the gash was across his cheekbone, just underneath his eye. It was already starting to bruise. 

“You ok?”

“I’m fine.” Nicky promised. 

“Eye ok?”

“It’s fine.”

“Who hit you?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Nicky said quickly. 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “It was Zhenya, yes?” Nicky stayed quiet. “I can watch replay, Nicky.” 

“It was.” He looked up. “It’s not a big deal.”

Alex was going to have to watch the replay and then he was going to kill Malkin. Which was a shame, because it was his turn to buy dinner. 

“You think it’s best kill him before dinner or after?” Alex asked jokingly, one hand on Nicky’s hip and the other tracing the swollen edge of bruising under his eye. 

“Before.” Nicky answered. “Fewer witnesses.”

“Of course.” Alex smiled. He pressed his forehead to Nicky’s, the training staff ignoring them. “You ok for third?”

“I’m fine.” Nicky rolled his eyes and ducked away from him. “It’s just a little cut.”

“Not little.” Alex argued. “You sure not hit head too hard?” 

Nicky sighed and gently pushed him aside so he could get up. “I’m fine. 

After the game, Nicky changed and taped gauze over his stitches before Hanna could see it. She didn’t seem to pay attention to the plain bandage, too busy babbling at him. 

“She’s pretty talkative.” Tom said, popping up behind Nicky to play peekaboo. “She definitely doesn’t get that from her Papa.” 

“Papa!” Hanna said with a smile. 

Tom grinned at her. “Yeah. He’s my papa too, ok? We have to share.” 

Nicky shook his head, laughing fondly. “You don’t have to share.” He reassured Hanna. “Willy can put together his own IKEA furniture now.” 

“It was one time!” Tom protested. “We asked for help one time.” 

“One time?” Nicky said, raising his eyebrows. 

“Well, one time for that round of stuff...I mean, obviously we needed help with the bed frame later.” 

“Obviously.” Nicky repeated. 

“Whatever.” Tom said dismissively. “Can I hold Hanna?” 

Nicky handed her over and Tom spent the next few minutes making faces at Hanna until she finally laughed at him. 

Alex still planned to go to dinner with Evgeni, inviting Nicky. “I’m not going.” Nicky said quickly. 

Alex glanced at him. In the passenger seat, Nicky already looked tired. “Why? Feel ok?”

“Hanna’s going to go to bed soon.” Nicky shrugged. “And...I don’t want to go.”

“Mad because he break face?” Alex guessed. 

Nicky chuckled. “Not broken. And no, I just...does he know about us?”

“Don’t think so.” Alex shrugged. “Wouldn’t say to anyone though. Keeps secrets good.” 

“I don’t want to pretend we aren’t together, if he doesn’t know.” Nicky shrugged. “And, I don’t want to tell him.” 

Alex nodded. “I won’t tell him.” He promised. 

Nicky scrunched his nose. “You can tell him if you want to.” Nicky sighed. “I just don’t want...he’s your friend. You can tell him.” 

“You don’t want to be one to tell him?” Alex had known Nicky long enough to figure out what he meant, at least most of the time. 

“Exactly.” 

“He’s not best friend.” Alex shrugged. “Don’t tell him lots of things.” 

“If you want to tell him, you can.” Nicky said slowly. “I don’t think he’d tell anyone.” 

Alex dropped Nicky and Hanna off at home and went to dinner. Dinner was nice and Evgeni showed off pictures of his son, smiling proudly as he did. Alex wished he could do the same, but Hanna wasn’t his, no matter how much time he spent with her and Nicky. 

Afterwards, in the car, Evgeni cleared his throat. _“So, are you seeing anyone?”_

_“Yeah.”_ Alex nodded, smiling. 

_“How’s it going?”_

_“It’s good. Really good.”_

Evgeni smiled at him. _“Good. I’m happy for you.”_ He looked up. _“What’s their name?”_ He asked slowly. 

Alex paused, staring out the windshield. 

Evgeni continued. _“It’s Backstrom, isn’t it?”_ He sounded...not disappointed, but not enthusiastic; tepid and worried. 

Alex narrowed his eyes. _“Why do you think that?”_

Evgeni chuckled humorlessly. _“Because, I know you.”_ Evgeni offered him a thin smile. _“I elbow someone in the face and you don’t say something about it, makes me think you were doing something even more important.”_ He explained. 

_“I was too busy winning the game, I didn’t see it.”_ Alex teased. 

Evgeni rolled his eyes at him. _“Sure.”_ He drummed his fingers on the center console. _“So, you and Nicky?”_ He reiterated. 

_“Yeah. For about 8 months.”_ Alex explained.

“Hm.” Evgeni nodded. _“That’s good. I’m happy for you.”_ If Evgeni had gotten front row tickets to Alex’s break-up, well, that was an unfortunate byproduct of being teammates at Worlds immediately afterwards. A lot of people from that team watched Alex fall apart after she had left him. Alex drank a lot, hooked up with strangers even more, and no one dared to say anything because it was with women. 

_“Thanks.”_

Evgeni nodded. _“Just be careful. Especially if you go home for the summer.”_

_“Just like always.”_ Alex laughed. Evgeni nodded grimly. 

Nicky was asleep on the couch when Alex got home, TV still playing quietly in the background. The bruising had spread out from under the gauze, purple and painful looking. 

Alex turned the TV off and kissed Nicky’s forehead. “You wait up for me?” He asked, brushing a curl off Nicky’s face. 

“No, I wanted to catch up on Game of Thrones.” Nicky mumbled. 

Alex laughed. “Season ended last year.” 

“I’m still on season 6.” Nicky admitted sheepishly. 

Alex kissed him again, because he was perfect. “Love you. Now, go to bed.” 

Nicky grumbled quietly and stumbled upstairs, Alex steering him with a hand on the small of his back. Nicky crashed into bed and fell back to sleep but Alex couldn’t. 

Coming out wasn’t something he’d ever planned to do, not until his career was complete. He wasn’t willing to bet Russia would still let him play for the national team; he wasn’t willing to bet Russia would be kind to him at all. 

Now, if he came out, it would expose Nicky and Hanna to scrutiny too. The PR team had made an announcement about Hanna’s adoption, and someone perceptive might suspect that Nicky was gay. Over the years, Alex had heard all sorts of things in locker rooms and on the ice. Nicky managed to fly below the radar for the most part, though, escaping scrutiny. 

Alex rolled over and wrapped an arm around Nicky’s middle, holding him close. Nicky wasn’t ready to come out. Alex and Nicky could spend time together during the season and people would assume it was because they were friends. Alex always made a fuss over any of his teammates children, so it wasn’t strange for him to hold Hanna when they were out. 

When the season ended and they were suppose to part ways, then it may become more suspicious. If Nicky wanted, Alex wouldn’t spend the summer with him. But, Nicky did seem to want to spend time with him. He wanted him to come to Sweden, wanted him to meet his family. 

Alex finally fell asleep listening to Nicky’s easy breathing, rhythmic and calming. 

Two days later, Alex was shoveling snow for his parents before an afternoon practice when his phone rang. Nicky was not the type to call spontaneously, so apprehension was already welling in his gut when he answered. “Hello?”

“I’m taking Hanna to the ER.” Nicky sounded calm, but Nicky had a good poker face. 

“What?! Why?” 

“She hit her head on the fireplace. I think it’ll need stitches.” Nicky explained. “She already calmed down again.” 

“Oh. You want me to come home and drive you?” 

“No, we’re already in the car. No point in both of us missing practice.” Nicky sighed. 

“She’s ok?” 

“Here, listen.” Nicky held the phone up and Alex could hear Hanna babbling to herself and making cooing noises. “She's ok, but it’s pretty big.” 

“Poor baby. Walking, very hard.” Alex said, smiling and leaning on the shovel, tension draining from his shoulders. 

“Tell me about it.” Nicky sighed wearily. “I’ll text you. Can you let them know I won’t be at practice?”

“I tell them you playing hooky.” Alex teased. 

“Thank you.” Nicky said dryly, so much so that Alex could almost hear him roll his eyes. 

At the end of practice, during free skate, Alex was running passing drills with Evgeny when the younger man got distracted. “Oh no, they match!” He yelped, pointing towards the bench. 

Alex turned around and caught sight of Nicky and Hanna standing at the bench. Even from halfway across the rink, Alex could see the stitches on her forehead. 

He skated over, smiling when Hanna reached for him. Nicky passed her off easily, leaning against the boards. “5 stitches.” He said. “And it’s getting really bruised looking.” His nose scrunched. 

“What happened?” Andre asked, skating up to the bench. 

“She just learned how to pull up on things, but she doesn’t really know how to stand.” Nicky explained. “She hit the fireplace.” 

“Oh, poor Hanna.” Andre cooed. 

“They said it shouldn’t scar.” Nicky smiled at Hanna when her eyes darted to him. “But, not a great day.” 

“My mom always took me out for ice cream if I got hurt.” Andre said. “We could go get ice cream. For both of you.” 

Nicky frowned skeptically. “How often did you get hurt?” He asked, looking Andre over carefully. 

“You know, just occasionally. I got ice cream if I got shots, too.” He explained. 

Nicky shook his head. “She can’t have ice cream yet.” 

Andre looked crestfallen. “Why?”

“She’s not supposed to have any milk things until she’s a year old.” He explained. 

“What about frozen yogurt?” Tom suggested, jumping into the conversation. 

“That’s still from milk.” Nicky explained. “And it’s basically ice cream.” 

“She could eat the toppings? They have fruit and stuff.” Andre offered. Alex wanted to say yes, he knew Nicky and Andre were quite close and he imagined Andre missed Nicky since Hanna was born; but it wasn’t Alex’s place to say yes. And besides, Nicky and Hanna both had rough days already. 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed. “Frozen yogurt. She really likes fruit.” 

At the yogurt shop, Hanna was captivated by the brightly lit bar of food, everything colorful and the perfect size to pick up. Nicky made a small cup of fruit for his daughter and a small fruit and yogurt for himself. 

Hanna loved fruit. The yogurt shop had bananas and strawberries and she made happy humming sounds as she ate. “She learned that from Alex.” Nicky explained to Tom and Andre, who both laughed. 

“I don’t do that.” Alex protested. 

“Yes, you do.” 

“No, I don’t do that.” Alex shook his head. “She just likes food.” 

Nicky waited until Alex took his first bite of his yogurt (peaches & cream, with cookie dough) and hummed. “See?” He grinned. 

“You do. You do it everyday at lunch.” Tom agreed. 

Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh.” He felt a little embarrassed, but mostly he felt pleased that Hanna was copying him. “Well, tastes good. Have to say something. Hanna, you say yum?”

“Yuummmmmmmmmmmmm.” Hanna proclaimed, wiggling as she got a bite of raspberry in her mouth, sticky juice staining her mouth and fingers. 

“Such a smart girl.” Alex praised. 

Later that week, it was announced that Alex had been selected to go to the All Star Game, along with Evgeny. For the first time, he didn’t want to go. 

“You’ll have fun.” Nicky said when he complained about it, gently pushing the shopping cart back and forth while he looked at baby-proofing supplies. “What are these?” He asked, distracted. 

“Think for toilet seat.” Alex answered. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “Oh.” He turned the package over in his hands. “I don’t think my parents ever used stuff like this.” 

“Yeah.” Alex agreed. “All this, very complicated.” He waved a hand at the massive display. 

“Maybe just some pillows in front of the fireplace.” Nicky said, frowning. “Or, a blanket.”

“Thick blanket, can’t break head.” Alex agreed, tickling Hanna and smiling when she laughed and squirmed away from his hand. 

“Right. That’ll look better too.” Nicky nodded slowly. “The game is only for a few days.” He said, looking back at Alex. 

“I know. But, better to stay home.” Alex said, keeping his voice down. It was early and the store wasn’t crowded, but he didn’t want to be overheard. 

“I know.” Beside them, Hanna sneezed and rubbed at her nose. “I think she’s getting a cold.” Nicky said quietly. 

“Oshie said his girls were sick.” Alex agreed, picking Hanna up. She tucked her head against his shoulder instead of looking around, her eyes heavy. “Maybe from them.”

“Probably.” Hanna has played with Leni and Lyla after practice a few days earlier. “As long as it’s only a cold, that’s ok.” Nicky rubbed her back and added a pack of outlet covers to the cart.

When Alex left for the All Star Game, Hanna’s cold was in full force. She was cranky and reverted back to waking several times during the night. Alex felt simultaneously guilty and grateful to be leaving, though he hated the thought of leaving Nicky alone. Especially when he woke up to go to the airport and Nicky was stuffy-headed and snoring into his pillow, cheeks an unhealthy pink. 

“Love you.” Nicky mumbled, barely opening his eyes. 

Alex pushed his hair back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you too.” He whispered. 

Alex and Evgeny flew out together and were sharing a hotel room. Alex received a couple texts updating him on Hanna and what he was missing out on. 

_“Is that from Nicky?”_ Evgeny asked. 

Wordlessly, Alex turned the phone so Evgeny could see the picture of Hanna prostrate on the floor, mid tantrum, accompanied by the caption ‘she can’t get the outlet covers off.’ 

Evgeny smiled. _“Very cute.”_ He said. 

_“She has a cold.”_ Alex explained, not wanting him to think Hanna was normally like this. _“So, she doesn’t feel good. Usually she’s very happy.”_

_“Aww, that sucks.”_ Evgeny said sympathetically. _“Bet your glad you’re going to Phoenix.”_ He teased. 

Alex laughed and nodded like was expected of him, but he felt a twinge of homesickness in his stomach. He was used to leaving Hanna even if he didn’t like it, but he wasn’t used to leaving Nicky. 

The next picture Alex got he kept to himself. In the picture, Hanna was asleep against Nicky’s chest with her lovey clutched tight in her arm. He could see part of Nicky’s face, his smile soft and fond. Both their sets of stitches were visible, as well as the bear on Nicky’s shirt. 

Alex saved the photo as his background, smiling to himself. 

That night, when he called, Nicky sounded terrible. “You have cold too?” Alex guessed. 

“It’s not that bad.” Nicky said, unconvincingly. His voice was hoarse and congested sounding. 

“Sound awful.” Alex said. Maybe he could fake an injury and go home? He hated the idea of being far away like this. 

“Yeah.” Nicky chuckled. “It’s gross. You should be glad you’re away. I’m covered in baby snot.” 

“Better than grown up snot.” Alex teased. “Hanna ok?”

“Just grumpy and tired. She’s sleeping on me right now. I think I’m stuck here for a while.” Alex would trade the All Star Game in a heartbeat to be holding Hanna and Nicky on the couch. It sounded cozy and warm and familial. 

“Now you catch up on Game of Thrones.” Alex joked, reigning himself in. Nicky laughed, which turned into a stifled cough. 

“Trying. It’s a bit too much for Hanna to watch.” 

“You watch Sesame Street?”

“God, no. I can only watch so much of that.” Hanna watched Sesame Street with Alex’s parents and everyone seemed to be learning English. “We’ve been watching documentaries. She likes things with fish.” 

“Fish?”

“I know. It’s weird. But, she likes it.” Nicky coughed again. “There’s a whole series on Netflix about the ocean. We watched half of it.” 

“Smartest baby.” Alex said resolutely. “Maybe she can be...I don’t know, you know, fish doctor?”

“A, uh...yeah. I know what you mean.” Nicky laughed; it was rare that his English failed him. Alex smiled to himself, alone in the hotel room while Evgeny was off being social. “Shouldn’t you be out drinking?” Nicky prodded. 

“Wanted to talk to best center and best baby.” 

“Of course.” Nicky said patiently. “But you should go have fun.” 

Alex went out and he didn’t tell Nicky that he would’ve rather been on the couch at home, baby snot and all. 

The weekend dragged on slowly. When Alex finally got home, late, he tried to be quiet as he came in. The living room was empty, rumpled blankets on the couch and a box of tissues on the coffee table. Upstairs, the bedroom was empty. Alex frowned and quietly padded to the nursery.

He cracked the door open and stilled in the doorway. Nicky was sitting in the rocking chair, asleep, with Hanna in his arms. His feet were propped up against the dresser and Hanna was cuddled in close. She opened her eyes and blinked at him thickly before smiling. 

Alex felt happiness blossoming in his chest at the sight. Gently, he picked Hanna up, shushing Nicky when he startled awake. 

“Shh, is ok. Time for bed.” 

“You’re home.” Nicky said, voice raspy. 

“Yeah. Bed, ok? Missed you.” 

“Missed you too.” 

Alex laid Hanna in her crib and patted her back for a moment until her eyes fluttered closed. Then, he guided Nicky to the bedroom and crawled under the covers with him. Nicky was asleep in minutes, head resting on Alex’s shoulder and one arm wrapped around him. 

In the morning, Alex woke to Hanna crying and Nicky quietly singing a lullaby to her. He felt the mattress sink down and he opened his eyes just in time for Hanna to be placed on his chest. “Good morning.” He said, kissing her forehead. “Missed you.”

She babbled and cooed at him. Nicky settled on the edge of the bed. “Hanna, can you say papa?” He asked, pointing to himself. 

“Papa!”

“Good job.” He glanced at Alex, and he could see the gears turning. “Can you say Sasha?” 

“Sasa!” She said. 

Alex sat up a bit more and hugged her, pressing kisses to her cheeks so that his stubble tickled her and she laughed with delight. “So smart! You are so smart.”

“Sasa!” She laughed. Alex peppered her with kisses again while Nicky beamed at the both of them happily. 

They spent the day doing nothing, and it was blissful. The next day they left for a three game road trip, so they made sure to cuddle with Hanna and relax. 

Hanna still had a lingering cold; Alex didn’t think anyone had the right to look that cute with green snot dried on their nose, but she did. 

“Hopefully she’ll sleep better tonight.” Nicky said, letting Hanna climb into his lap as he sat leaning against the couch. Alex scraped his fingers through the blond’s hair so his head tipped back and he sighed. 

“Hard to sleep when you can’t breath with nose.” Alex said. 

“I know. I let her nap with me.” He admitted. “So, I’m worried she won’t want to go back to her crib.” 

“She’ll be ok.” Alex assured him. “She’s smartest baby, remember?”

“Of course.” Nicky said, Hanna’s hands clasped around his fingers and standing with assistance between his legs. “I just don’t want to leave your mom with a really fussy baby.” 

“Mama can handle.”

“Hmm, true. She did raise you.” Nicky smiled at him, laughing when Alex swatted at his shoulder. 

“Brat.” He laughed. Alex stretched to grab the remote, flipping on the TV. “We watch fish?” He offered. 

“If you want.” Nicky shrugged. Outside, it was cold and windy and Alex couldn’t bring himself to want to go out and do anything, especially with Hanna and Nicky both sniffling still. 

The documentary started wherever Nicky and Hanna had left off, and Hanna was immediately captivated. She pulled herself up on the coffee table, Nicky’s hands encircling her to support her while she watched. Alex snapped a picture, smiling to himself at the sight. 

The next day they flew to Winnipeg. On the plane, Andre pleaded with Nicky to sit by him, which Nicky gave in to with an easy smile. Alex played cards with a few of the boys until they started their descent. 

“Ovi!” Andre whispered loudly. “Help me.” Alex lifted his head, looking across the aisle to see a wide-eyed Andre with a sleeping Nicklas Backstrom leaning against his shoulder. “Can you wake him up?”

Alex laughed. “You do it.” 

Andre shook his head, looking frightened at the prospect. “He won’t be mad at you.” Andre argued. 

“Not true.” Alex snorted. “Let him sleep; maybe he wakes when we land.” 

Andre glanced at Nicky, who didn’t stir. “You think?” 

Hanna had woken up a few times the night before; Nicky would probably sleep through the plane crashing on the runway. Still, Alex nodded. “Sure.”

The landing in Winnipeg was rough due to the wind and Nicky was still asleep, slouched against Andre. Alex watched as Andre tried to shift and collect his things without moving the blond. Finally, he steeled himself and shook his shoulder. Alex watched from his seat, concealing a smile as Nicky frowned and grumbled at being woken. 

“Stop it.” He muttered, shifting away from the other Swede. 

“We’re here.” Andre explained. 

Nicky hummed disinterestedly and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the headrest. Alex stood and ruffled his hair and then Andre’s, earning matching looks of disdain. “So cute.” He chirped at both of them, shouldering his bag and heading down the aisle. 

Alex smiled as they exited the plane into icy cold wind and a smattering of tiny snowflakes; he liked the crisp rush of real winter air, especially since he wouldn’t be out in it long. Beside him, Nicky grumbled and tugged his hat down over his ears, turning up the collar of his coat. “You sure you really from Sweden? You hate cold so much.” He teased. 

Nicky mumbled something under his breath in Swedish and Andre laughed before trying to disguise it as a coughing fit. Alex slung an arm around Andre’s shoulders. “What did he say?” He asked, laughing as Andre’s cheeks turned pink. 

“I, uh, I didn’t hear.” He lied. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Terrible liar, Burky.” He poked his side as they crossed the tarmac. “What did he say?”

Nicky was apparently as protective of his hockey children as his actual child. “I said you’re a bully.” He said, flicking Alex’s ear. “And that you’re an eel head.” 

Alex let go of Andre to look confused. “Eel head? Explain.” 

“You know...an eel head.” Nicky said slowly, the realization slowly dawning on him that it wasn’t a common insult elsewhere. “I don’t know. My grandmother always said it.” 

“It’s Swedish. It’s kind of old-fashioned.” Andre added. Then, to Nicky. “Sorry.” Nicky looked unimpressed. 

Alex grinned widely. “Nicky is old person, it’s ok.” 

By the time they reached the hotel, it was starting to snow harder. Nicky looked at the weather grimly. “I don’t want to go out in this.” He decided. 

“We can eat with the team.” Alex offered; usually, they went out for at least one meal in each city, a standing date they hadn’t specifically discussed. 

Nicky shrugged one shoulder. “We could get room service?” He asked, looking at Alex curiously. 

“We could get room service.” Alex agreed easily. 

They looked over their menus and placed their orders. Alex pretended not to smile when Nicky ordered macaroni and cheese. It was a system; Nicky ignored how often Alex ate chicken parm and Alex ignored much Nicky loved pasta with cheese. Room service would be delivered in an hour. In the interim, Alex had time to kill. 

“Shower.” He said. 

“Sure.” Nicky agreed easily, smiling when Alex’s hands grazed his hips. 

Alex didn’t even get the water on before Nicky was wrapped around him, pressing kisses to his back. Alex corralled him into the shower stall, pushing him under the stream of hot water and tangling his hands in his hair. 

“I could blow you.” Nicky whispered between kisses. As if Alex would ever say no. 

Nicky sank to his knees and Alex’s cock jerked at the sight. Nicky smiled smugly up at him through wet lashes. Alex tugged his hair and Nicky’s mouth fell open, letting Alex feed his dick in effortlessly.

For a while, Alex tried to keep from moving his hips. As he got closer to climax, Nicky pulled him forward, trying to get him to move. Alex fucked into his mouth and a chill ran down his spine as the blond moaned around his cock. 

When Alex came, he dropped a hand to Nicky’s throat and felt him swallow down his seed. Alex leaned against the wall, drained, and couldn’t help but smile at him. “Up, Nicky. Bad for knees.” 

“You didn’t complain earlier.” Nicky countered, smirking at him knowingly. Alex loved Nicky like this, confidant and smug, knowing exactly the effect he had on Alex; but then, Alex loved every iteration of Nicky. 

“What you want?” Alex asked, ignoring him and tugging his hair. Nicky went with the motion, closing his eyes with pleasure. “You like that? You keep hair long so I pull?” Nicky melted back on his heels. “Up.” 

Nicky stood and Alex poured shampoo into his hand. “Sasha…” Nicky said, barely holding back a whine. 

“Be patient.” Alex chided him, ignoring his erection in favor of washing his hair, scraping his fingernails firmly across his scalp. 

Nicky closed his eyes, a blank look of peace falling over his face. Alex smiled to himself, pulling Nicky under the water and rinsing; the blond was still rock hard, lips parting when Alex pulled sharply. 

Alex repeated the process with the conditioner, taking his time as he massaged Nicky’s head. He kissed him and Nicky was pliant as putty, giving easily under the pressure of his lips. 

Once the last of it had been washed from the blond’s hair, Alex pressed him back against the tile wall. He bit lovemarks into Nicky’s shoulder and wrapped a hand around him, jacking him off roughly. Nicky moaned, a low rumbling noise, and covered his mouth. Alex swatted his hand down. “Be loud. It’s ok.”

Nicky was, at his core, a stubborn person; he tried to make himself quiet. Alex was, at his core, also a stubborn person; he tried to make Nicky be loud. He wrapped his fingers around Nicky’s curls and yanked- Nicky came all at once, sounding like Alex had punched him in the stomach. He leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder, letting Alex support some of his weight. 

Alex gently washed him off and turned off the water. He wrapped a towel around his own waist before starting to dry Nicky off. Nicky looked in a daze, blinking and slow. Alex kissed him sweetly. “C’mon. Pajamas.” 

Nicky nodded. He dressed slowly and sprawled out on the bed, dozing off once Alex dropped a blanket over him. Alex leaned against the headboard, flipping through TV channels while carding a hand through Nicky’s hair. 

When their food arrived, Nicky woke up long enough to eat all his mac and cheese. Afterwards, Alex set their plates outside and turned off the lights except for one lamp. 

“What’re you doing?” Nicky yawned. 

“Ready for bed.” Alex shrugged. He wouldn’t fall asleep for a while, but travel always made him a little more sleepy and Nicky looked ready to hibernate. 

“S’early.” The blond protested. It was only 7PM, 8PM in D.C. 

“You look tired.” Alex slid into bed beside him, turning the TV down low. “C’mere.” He pulled Nicky close. 

Nicky rested his head on Alex’s chest. “Ok. Thank you.” He mumbled, closing his eyes. 

Alex hugged him. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.”


	5. February

Alex knew as soon as he went down in the corner that he’d done something to his knee. Not broken, maybe not sprained, but definitely unhappy. Above him, he could hear Nicky let loose with a bilingual string of invectives that he only half understood but fully appreciated. Still, he didn’t want Nicky in the box on his behalf. 

“Backy, stop it.” Alex said. 

Nicky shoved the opposing player before turning his attention to Alex. “Shut up. Are you ok?” He asked, tucking himself alongside Alex as he stood with a wince, knee throbbing. 

“Just knee. Don’t be so cranky.”

“Not cranky.” Nicky frowned. “Don’t be stupid.” He added softly, because there had been a time Alex would try to play through this injury; and Nicky knew it. 

“Never stupid. Think they give me a coke?” Alex joked, smiling when Nicky finally cracked a grin. 

“You’re an idiot.” Nicky said, entirely too fond to mean it. 

Alex watched the rest of the second period from the medical room, knee wrapped in cold packs. He did get a coke, though he’d had to ask a few times. Alex always watched their highlights, but it was different to watch a game happening in the same building. 

Nicky was playing like a man possessed. He made a beautiful pass to Oshie that lead to a goal and then scored one himself by stripping the puck away from the opposing team to create an odd man rush. Alex whooped loudly when Nicky scored, raising a hand and mumbling out an apology to the trainer he scared. 

After the final buzzer, Nicky was announced as the first star of the game. If Alex liked watching Nicky’s highlights, he loved watching Nicky’s interviews. Nicky looked sullen and moody despite having a 3 point game. “Obviously, we hope Ovi’s ok. But, you know, Russian Machine never breaks, so we’ll see.” He said, looking anywhere but the person holding the microphone. 

Alex was just finishing his coke when Nicky pushed open the door. He was wearing his warm ups instead of his suit and he looked soft and cuddly. Or, maybe that was the pain medicine talking. 

“Russian Machine never break!” Alex laughed when he entered, sitting up on the table. 

Nicky smiled. “How’s your knee?”

“Not broken. Big bruise. Looks terrible. See?” He lifted away the soggy cold pack and poked at the purple flesh. Nicky smacked his hand away lightly. 

“They give you the good stuff?” He teased. 

“And coke.” Alex added cheerfully, holding up his empty can. 

“Do you have some crutches?” Nicky asked. Alex didn’t, but a pair materialized to the side just out of Alex’s reach. Nicky passed them to him. “Here. I’ll drive.”

Alex’s gear had already been carried out to the car. Evgeny stayed behind to keep Alex from getting sidetracked on his way to the parking lot while Nicky went ahead to pull the car to the entrance. 

_“Nicky is so cute. Gives best blow jobs.”_ Alex declared. 

Evgeny shushed him. _“I don’t want to know that.”_

_“Very cute, isn’t he? Not Russian, but still. Very cute. Cute hair.”_ Alex remembered something. _“Likes it pulled.”_

 _“Alllllright, just keep walking. Limping. Whatever you’re doing.”_ Evgeny decided. _“Talk about literally anything else.”_

 _“They give me coke. I should get some for Nicky.”_ Alex realized, trying to turn around. 

Evgeny grabbed his arm. _“He doesn’t like it. And, he’ll kill me if I don’t get you out to the car.”_

Alex laughed. _“Nicky is too sweet to hurt anyone.”_ He stilled in the hallway, thinking. 

_“I’m not sure about that.”_ Evgeny mumbled. _“C’mon, keep going.”_

Alex was happy to see Nicky when they reached the car, the blond waiting by the passenger door with his arms crossed. “Nicky, smile!” Alex said. “Do you like coke?”

“I’d ask what took so long, but I think I know.” Nicky said to Evgeny, smiling. “C’mon, let’s go home.” 

Home. Alex liked home. He folded himself into the passenger seat and promptly fell asleep. 

When he woke up, his head felt a bit less foggy and his knee hurt a bit more. Nicky glanced at him, looking surprised. “You’re awake.” 

“Yeah.”

“You ready to go inside?” Nicky asked slowly. 

“Yeah.” Alex repeated, drawing out the word. Nicky chuckled. 

“Okay. Hold on.” Nicky helped Alex inside to the couch. His mother presented him with a fresh ice pack, prodding at his knee once before leaving it alone. 

“It’s not so bad.” Alex said. “Probably not out too long.” 

Nicky frowned. “It doesn’t look good.” 

“Could be worse.” Alex shrugged. Nicky worried at his lower lip, brows knit together in a frown. “Stop it, not dying. Look so sad.” Alex said, smacking Nicky’s arm gently. 

“Are you going to be able to make it upstairs?” Nicky asked. 

“I go slow.” Alex decided. Nicky helped him up the stairs, helped him undress, and then Alex passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

In the morning, Alex woke up to his knee throbbing and the bed empty. The room was bright and Alex fumbled with his phone to check the time; nearly 10AM. 

He levered himself up off the bed and hobbled to the bathroom. Overnight, his knee had turned a horrifically beautiful array of colors, everything from nearly black to violet. He took Advil and brushed his teeth before deciding he needed to go downstairs. Somehow. 

He tugged on a pair of gym shorts and started down the hall. The stairs weren’t steep but it took some work; his knee didn’t want to bend. 

Halfway down, Nicky appeared. “Hold on, let me help.”

“It’s ok, just can’t bend.” Alex said, forcing a smile. 

Nicky ignored him and came to help support some of his weight. “You should’ve said something.” He said quietly. Once they reached the bottom, Alex limped to the couch and collapsed, exhausted. “Your house has a bedroom on the first floor.”

“You want me gone?” Alex asked, laughing. 

Nicky’s eyes widened. “No, of course not. But...we’re leaving tomorrow.” He reminded him. 

Alex nodded slowly, remembering. “Oh. Right.”

“And you can’t carry Hanna on the stairs like this.” Nicky sat down beside him, gently guiding Alex so that he was laying with his head in Nicky’s lap. He carded a hand gently through his hair. 

“True.” Alex agreed. “I can stay with mama until you get back.” Nicky nodded, pursing his lips as his hand continued to gently pet his hair. 

Alex hated missing hockey. He knew he couldn’t play with his knee as bruised and achy as it was, but he resented being benched for the road trip, even if it was only two games. 

His team was the best team though, so they texted him often. Nicky texted too, but he was an old man about it and didn’t send funny pictures or memes. TJ took it upon himself to keep Alex updated on Nicky’s whereabouts. He received pictures of Nicky frowning at the camera and other, more covert pictures of Nicky looking generally grumpy. 

And, god help him, Alex thought grumpy Nicky looked adorable. 

‘So cute.’ He texted Nicky after getting another picture of him, this one of him glowering over breakfast with the boys. ‘Should smile more.’

‘I’m going to break all their phones.’ Nicky texted back. 

‘B nice. They love me.’

‘Send me more pictures of Hanna.’ Nicky texted. ‘Then I’ll smile.’

Alex snapped a picture of Hanna napping on his chest, lovey in hand. Hanna barely stirred even when he brushed curls back off her forehead. 

‘Miss you both.’ Nicky texted a minute later. After that, he stopped texting. At first, Alex thought he was napping or eating, but hours passed and he didn’t hear from him, even after sending a few more pictures and texts. 

Feeling something between concern and irritation, he turned on the game to watch. His mother put Hanna to bed and came to sit beside him. _“Nicklas doesn’t look happy.”_ She observed, as the camera panned across the bench. 

_“Pissy today.”_ Alex agreed. 

_“He misses you.”_ She said, as though it should be obvious. 

_“He misses Hanna.”_

She laughed and rolled her eyes at him. _“He knows Hanna doesn’t go on road trips. He misses you.”_ She smiled at him reassuringly.

_“I guess.”_

_“Well, I know.”_ She said with confidence. Alex had thought Nicky was just being polite when he said he’d missed him as well as Hanna, but it hadn’t occurred to him that Nicky really would miss him. Alex had missed games before, not often, but it did happen. He just assumed Nicky would be fine without him. 

After the game, TJ sent Alex a picture of Nicky on the bus, head in his hands and looking truly exhausted. ‘If you’re still up, call your boy.’ The text read. 

Alex waited until they were back at the hotel before calling. Nicky didn’t answer right away, Alex was expecting voicemail when he finally picked up. 

“Hey.” He said quietly. 

“Hey.” Alex greeted him. “You looked good out there.”

“Thanks.” 

“You ok?” Alex asked. 

“Tired.” Nicky said. Alex waited, an uncomfortable silence that he resisted the urge to fill. “And...I miss you. A lot.” He admitted. 

Alex’s heart twisted in his chest. “Wish I was there.” He said earnestly. 

“I know.” 

“Not just for hockey. For you.” Alex promised. Nicky made a little noise, like he was adjusting in bed. “You want to hear about Hanna?” He offered. 

“Yeah, sure.”

“My Dad play peekaboo with her at lunch, she laugh and throw sweet potato at him. Had to shower to get it out of hair.” Alex laughed. “Funny to see him with her. He didn’t...he was not so sure about me, you know. About us. But, loves Hanna so much.”

“That’s good.”

“She sleep with me for morning nap.” 

“I saw.” Nicky swallowed. “She’s not going to want to sleep in her crib.” 

“I know. But she won’t always be so little.” Nicky fell silent. “I didn’t mean-“ Alex started. 

“I know. I know. I just...I’m really tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He took a breath. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Alex said, before the call ended. 

Alex spent the road trip on his couch, diligently taking medicine and icing his knee while feeling guilty for sending pictures of Hanna and guilty for not sending more pictures. Alex had never thought about Nicky getting homesick before, but he hadn’t known what it looked like when they were younger. 

When he first came to D.C, Nicky was quiet and careful and glued to Michael Nylander. It wasn’t for years that Alex realized Nicky wasn’t just shy, he went quiet when he was nervous or sad, or sometimes angry. 

Now, he had a collection of photos that showed what Nicklas looked like homesick, because the team didn’t know he wasn’t just grouchy. Nicky kept his emotions close, locked down and private; the team didn’t even consider he would miss Hanna, he would miss Alex. 

After the second game, TJ sent a picture without a caption. Nicky, on the bus, headphones on and his eyes glassy as he stared out the window. Andre was pressed against his side and Tom was behind him, with a hand over the back of the seats resting on Nicky’s shoulder as he talked to Andre. Alex smiled to himself; maybe they did know. 

Nicky came straight to Alex’s from the airport, even though it was late. Alex woke to his bedroom door being pushed open slowly. He blinked to clear his eyes as Nicky toed off his shoes and crawled into bed beside him. Wordlessly, Nicky wrapped Alex in a hug, face hiding in the crook of his neck. 

Alex stroked a hand through his hair, leaving it tangled gently in the curls at the base of his head. He kissed him once and closed his eyes again, falling back to sleep. 

When he woke in the morning, Nicky was still wrapped around him, his breath warm against Alex’s neck. Alex hugged him and kissed the top of his head. “Good morning.” He whispered. 

Nicky made discontent noises, pressing his nose against Alex’s neck. Alex didn’t really need to get up. He closed his eyes again and dozed for a while until Nicky stirred in his arms. Alex lifted his head and smiled at the sight of his partner blinking sleepily at him. “Good morning.” He tried again. 

“Morning.” Nicky said quietly. “I’m sorry...I-“ Nicky swallowed. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. Or text.” He lowered his head slightly. 

“I know.” Alex answered softly. “You were sad.”

“I- yeah.” Nicky admitted, deflating. “I missed you.” 

“Missed you too.” Alex promised. 

Nicky took a deep breath, steeling himself. “I always miss Hanna, of course, but…” Nicky didn’t have the words to say he felt guilty for missing Alex as much as he did, when he always missed Hanna. Alex didn’t know how to differentiate between something chronic and something acute, something you grow used to versus something fresh and painful. He didn’t know how to tell Nicky he understood, even if neither of them could say it. 

“I know.” He said uselessly, stroking his back. “I know.”

“Thank you.” Nicky whispered, hiding his face against Alex’s chest. It hurts sometimes to love someone, Alex knew. But he’d shoulder these painful moments with Nicky for the rest of his life, if he could. 

He could’ve made a joke to lighten the mood, but it felt right to be somber and serious for a while. He let Nicky stay snuggled against him; for all that Nicky protested physical contact, he craved it sometimes. And Alex did too. 

Finally, the smell of cooking wafting into the room was too tempting and Nicky’s stomach growled loudly. Nicky blushed and Alex poked his belly, smiling. “C’mon, need to feed you.” Alex found Nicky some clean clothes to wear. The sight of Nicky in an old hoody with Alex’s name across his back made feel warm and gooey inside. 

Nicky tucked his curls behind his ears, catching Alex staring at him. He smiled. “What?” He asked, cocking his head. His expression settled into something familiar. “I know, my hair’s a mess.” He added, misinterpreting Alex’s smile. 

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I know you hate brushes.” He teased. 

Hanna shrieked with delight when Nicky came into view, crawling towards him as fast as her chubby legs could carry her. “Papa!” 

“Good morning, alskling.” Nicky said, picking her up and kissing her cheek. Alex went to help his mother finish cooking, his knee achy and stiff but starting to feel better. Nicky spoke to Hanna gently, Swedish words washing over Alex as he helped. 

_“He looks better.”_ Tatiana said to Alex quietly. _“Everything ok?”_

 _“Yeah. Everything’s good.”_ He promised her. 

She bumped their arms together. _“Good. Now go sit, you need to ice your knee.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.”_ Alex said, smirking when she gently swatted at him. 

Sitting at breakfast with his parents, Nicky, and Hanna, Alex felt so loved he might burst. The most important people in his life were eating together and talking, laughing through their cobbled together English. Alex felt a bubble of anger in his chest that Nicky’s family refused to give him this; refused to be part of their son’s life. He pushed it aside though- mornings like this didn’t happen every day. 

Outside was cold and dreary when they returned home. Hanna spent the morning chattering emphatically and pulling herself up on the coffee table. There was a shiny pink scar on her forehead where the stitches had been, looking fainter by the day. 

“You’re so big.” Nicky said to her quietly, slipping his fingers into her hands and helping her take a few steps. “Where do you want to go?” 

Alex watched from the couch, icing his knee, as Hanna and Nicky made a slow lap around the coffee table. When she decided she was done, she plopped down on her bottom and crawled back towards the couch. “Sasa!” She said, grabbing at his arm. “Sasa!”

Nicky’s whole face brightened. “She knows you.” He said happily. 

Alex picked Hanna up and settled her on his lap, tickling under her chin. “She’s the smartest baby.” He reminded Nicky. 

Nicky pretended to look solemn, but his grin ruined it. “Of course.” He sat beside Alex, leaning close to kiss Hanna’s cheek. “She needs to take her nap soon.” 

Alex hummed. “You should hold her.” He suggested gently. 

“She needs to sleep in her crib.” Nicky said, chewing at his lower lip. 

Alex shook his head. “Needs to sleep.” He twirled one of Hanna’s brown curls around his finger. “Doesn’t need crib.” 

“True.” Nicky said, consideringly. In Alex’s lap, Hanna rubbed at her eyes with her fists, yawning. Wordlessly, he passed her to Nicky. Nicky softened as she rubbed her face against his chest sleepily. “Ok. Let’s go get your lovey.” He decided. 

Nicky returned a few minutes later, settling on the couch beside Alex and kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Nicky smiled when Alex dropped an arm around his shoulders. Against his chest, Hanna settled down, pulling her lovey to her face and closing her eyes.

Nicky watched her with thoughtful eyes, seemingly unable to tear his gaze away. Alex kissed his cheek. “Feels good, yeah?” He whispered. 

“Yeah.” Nicky said, leaning his head against Alex’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “It does.” 

Alex’s knee wasn’t well enough to play at the next home game, but he was able to attend. While Nicky was taking his pre-game nap, Alex changed Hanna into her Backstrom jersey and then snuck into the bedroom to grab one himself. 

“Now we match.” He told Hanna, pulling it over his head. She stood in her crib and frowned at him, nose wrinkled. “Hold on, I hold you.” Alex promised, fixing the hem of the jersey before picking her up. 

“Ba!” She declared. 

“Yes, time for bottle.” He agreed. He took Hanna downstairs and prepared her bottle, which she accepted eagerly. She was done by the time Nicky started to move around upstairs. 

The look on Nicky’s face when he came downstairs and realized they were both wearing his jersey was priceless. Alex wished he had a photo, Nicky’s whole face caught between a smile and surprise, his eyes fond and warm. He kissed Alex before hugging him tight. Alex laughed, caught off guard. “You like it?” 

“Yeah, I- Yes.” Nicky’s cheeks flushed pink. “Thank you.” 

Alex kissed his forehead, smiling. “So sweet, Nicky.” He handed Hanna to him. 

Hanna looped her arms around his neck and pressed her face against his neck, blowing a raspberry against his skin. Nicky laughed, head falling back, and Hanna laughed too. 

Alex wore Nicky’s jersey to the game. He knew what he was doing, he had an answer prepared. He had a jocular relationship with the press and the media; when someone did finally ask, Alex just smiled. 

“Backy’s the best center.” He chirped, laughing when the reporter laughed. 

After the game, an overtime loss, Alex waited until the press had left the locker room before entering. The room was on the quieter side. Alex took his time talking to Braden and a few of the boys before making his way to Nicky’s side. Nicky looked up at him as he adjusted his stocking cap, wet curls pressed flat. “Hey.” Nicky said, offering a thin smile. 

“Hey.” Alex hugged him. “One point, better than zero.” 

Nicky chuckled. “True.” He allowed. Then, quieter, “Drive me home?” 

“Of course.” Alex said, patting his shoulder. “You played good.”

“Everyone played well. We just couldn’t finish it.” He said, shrugging. 

Alex shook his head. “No, you played good. You.” Nicky frowned at him and Alex beamed. “Told reporter you are my favorite player.” 

Nicky groaned, smiling in spite of his best efforts. “If anyone asks me, I’m telling them it’s Crosby.” He said, laughing when Alex growled and tried to get him in a headlock, knocking his hat off and mussing his hair. 

Nicky tried to fight back, and he was strong, but Alex was bigger. He didn’t mean to pull Nicky’s hair, but when he did, the blond’s knees buckled and Alex almost fell when he dropped suddenly. 

“Papa?” Andre asked, worried. “You ok?”

Nicky nodded, pushing himself up and away from Alex, his cheeks pink. Alex bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. 

“Yeah, you ok, Backy?” Alex teased, delighted as more color flooded Nicky’s face. 

“Shut up.” Nicky grumbled, turning to shove his last few things into his bag. Alex left him alone to collect himself for a few minutes. 

As they walked down the hall towards the parking garage, Alex waited until they were alone before he pushed Nicky against the wall, knocking the wind out of him. He smiled and tangled a hand in his hair, pulling Nicky’s head back. “You like that? Like when I pull?” 

“You know.” Nicky said, closing his eyes. 

Alex kissed him, biting into his mouth. He kept pulling at his hair, breaking the kiss to let Nicky pant for air. “I know.” Alex said, cocky and feeling 10 feet tall. 

Footsteps around the corner broke the mood and Alex stepped back as Nicky straightened his hat. It was Tom and Andre, teasing each other playfully. Tom laughed when they rounded the corner. “Jesus Christ, get a room.”

Nicky rolled his eyes and shouldered his bag, starting down the hallway ahead of them. Tom and Alex chatted about the game, about the fight Tom had started, while Andre caught up with Nicky and started talking to him in Swedish. 

In the car, Nicky rested on hand on Alex’s thigh as he drove. Alex fiddled with the radio before finally finding a station that wasn’t on commercials and settling his hand back on the wheel. “What was Burky talking about?” He asked. 

Nicky shrugged. “Just talking.” 

“About?” Alex prompted. 

“He wants to hang out, that’s all.” Nicky shrugged again. “I think he feels a little…” he trailed off, searching for the right words. 

“Misses his papa?” Alex asked, only teasing a little.

“He gets...I don’t know.” Nicky shook his head. “He’s young and I think he feels lonely. We spent a lot more time together last year.”

Alex hadn’t expected...he wasn’t sure. He hadn’t expected Nicky’s candor, or maybe hadn’t expected how protective Nicky was over Andre, even after all this time. Nicky was quiet, but he wasn’t, he was observant but subtle with it. He knew more than he was willing to say, and for the first time, Alex wondered what he knew about Andre. 

“I haven’t done a good job balancing things.” Nicky added, voice soft and thoughtful. 

“You have a baby.” Alex pointed out. 

“I know. But...I should do better, with him especially.” Nicky shrugged. 

Alex bit his tongue to keep from asking. “Invite him over more.” He suggested. 

“Yeah. I mean to, I just…” Nicky sighed. He gave Alex a sidelong glance and slouched in his seat. “It’s, it’s fine. I’m sorry.” 

Alex squeezed his hand, other hand still on the wheel. “You worry about him, you worry about Hanna, you worry about me.” Alex lifted Nicky’s hand and pressed a kiss to it. 

Nicky laughed tiredly. “That sums it up.” He looked at Alex with heavy eyes. Alex made a left turn where he should’ve gone straight. “Where are we going?”

“Ice cream.” Alex decided. They shared a sundae, both silently agreeing to not bring up the diet plan, and Alex finished driving them home. 

Hanna was already in bed and Tatiana left quietly, hugging both of them before she did. 

Alex guided Nicky upstairs and slowly undressed him. “You want?” He asked. 

Nicky smiled. “Yeah.” He said, looking up at Alex through his lashes. Alex kissed him, gentle and tender, tangling his hands in Nicky’s hair. 

“I take care of you, ok?” He whispered between kisses. 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed. 

Alex walked Nicky backwards to the bed, laying him down as gently as he could. He kept close, kissing him as they jacked each other off. He twisted Nicky’s hair around his fingers, and licked into his mouth. Nicky had arm wrapped around Alex, warm and heavy. 

Alex gave him one more kiss before untangling himself from his grip and sitting up on his knees, patting Nicky’s hip. “Roll over.” He said, watching Nicky’s pupils dilate until only a hint of green was visible around them. 

Alex took his time, kissing down Nicky’s back and feeling the wave of goosebumps that ripples across his skin. He rubbed a hand up and down his side. He scooted a bit lower, hands on Nicky’s ass, and finally kissed his hole. He loved the sounds of Nicky trying to be quiet. 

He lost himself in kissing and teasing Nicky’s entrance, everything skin warm and spit wet. He slid a finger into him, barely, just enough to hear Nicky press a muffled moan into his pillow. 

He had no idea how long it had been when he finally pulled away, cock heavy and hot between his legs. He rolled Nicky back over and Nicky blinked at him thickly, half-dazed. 

“You should fuck my mouth.” Nicky rasped. 

“Yeah?” Alex asked, smiling. 

“Yes.” Alex didn’t need to be told twice. He was the one of top, but he didn’t feel like he was the one calling the shots. Just like on the ice, Nicky was the one quietly in charge of everyone, Nicky was the center of everything. Even as Alex fed his dick into Nicky’s mouth, he didn’t feel like he was completely in control. He liked it. 

Nicky gave good head. Alex closed his eyes and fucked into his mouth, one of Nicky’s hands holding his wrist, squeezing tight if Alex accidentally went too deep. It took Alex longer than it should’ve to realize Nicky was jerking himself off with his other hand. 

Nicky came first and Alex watched his eyes close tight and pleasure wash over his features, his jaw going slack and his hand releasing Alex’s wrist, a go-ahead to do what he wanted. Alex thrust into his mouth a few more times before spilling cum down in his throat and watching, captivated, as Nicky swallowed around him. 

Alex tipped off of him lazily, grabbing for tissues and helping Nicky clean himself up. Nicky closed his eyes as Alex got up, throwing on a pair of shorts. “You want clothes?” He asked, glancing at Nicky. 

“Please.” Nicky answered, barely opening his eyes. Alex chuckled and grabbed Nicky’s favorite sweatpants and a t shirt, throwing a clean pair of underwear and socks at him. Nicky wrinkled his nose as they hit him in the face. “Thanks.” 

Nicky dressed and then tugged Alex back to bed, pulling Alex into his arms. Alex was content to be the little spoon, Nicky’s chest pressed against his back and his knees fitted into the bend of Alex’s legs. Alex was almost asleep when Nicky spoke, barely above a whisper. “Are you awake?”

“Uh huh.” Alex said, blinking his eyes open. 

“Ok.” Nicky shifted, his breath tickling the back of Alex’s neck. “I’m going to invite Andre over tomorrow.” 

“Good idea.” Alex yawned. 

Nicky pressed his lips to his neck, kissing him thoughtfully. “Thanks.”

When Alex woke in the morning, Nicky was still wrapped around him tightly, warm against Alex’s bare skin. Nicky grumbled when he moved, grip tightening. “No.”

“Have to get up.” 

“No.” Nicky tucked his forehead in against Alex’s shoulder. Over the baby monitor, Hanna’s content babbling was starting to turn impatient. 

“Papa!” She said. “Papapapapa!” 

“Fine.” Nicky groaned, slowly untangling himself and stumbling to the nursery. Alex smiled to himself as Nicky pushed the door opening. “Good morning, Hanna.” 

“Papa!” Hanna chirped, a happy sound. 

“That’s me.” Nicky said, softer and gentler. “Ok. Let’s get dressed.” He decided, yawning. 

Alex turned off the baby monitor and ambled into the nursery, smiling back when Hanna smiled at him. “Hi there.”

“Sasa!” Hanna said, flapping her arms. Wordlessly, Nicky handed her to Alex, setting about pulling clothes out of the dresser and holding them up, making sure they didn’t clash too badly. 

Alex tickled Hanna and bent over, swinging her upside down and eliciting a peal of laughter. “You like that?” He grinned, doing it again and again. 

Nicky changed her diaper and dressed her in sweatpants and a long-sleeved onesie with fish on it, a hand-me-down from the Oshie girls. Afterwards, he sat her up on the changing mat, combing his fingers through her hair.

She wrinkled her nose at him and covered her hair with her hands as best she could. “You need your hair brushed.” Nicky said gently. “Hold still, please.” Hanna whined at the sight of the comb, shaking her head. 

“Papapapapa.” She pleaded. 

“I know, but it’s very tangled.” He explained. “Curly hair isn’t always fun.” He commiserated. Alex leaned back against the wall and tried not to get overwhelmed by all the cuteness. “See? It’s not so bad.” Nicky combed his own hair while Hanna watched skeptically. Nicky caught a particularly stubborn tangle and winced. 

“Papapapa.” Hanna stuck her fingers in her mouth, chewing at them. 

“Ok, it’s a little bad.” Nicky agreed. He managed to run the comb through her curls a couple times before she shook it off. 

“Sasa!” She turned her head, searching for him. “Sasa!” 

Alex took a step forward, taking the comb from Nicky’s hand and getting a few more passes in with it before Hanna had had enough of both of them, laying her head down and whining, on the verge of a real meltdown. 

“Your papa used to straighten his hair.” Alex teased, picking her up.

Nicky rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to do that.” He said, in a low voice. “When I didn’t straighten it, you all called me Goldilocks.” He pointed out. 

Alex laughed at the memory. “You were so cute though, chubby cheeks and curls.” 

Nicky sighed, still smiling. “You thought I was cute?” He asked, half-teasing. 

Alex smacked a kiss on his cheek. “Always.” He kissed Hanna’s cheek too, and she laughed at him. 

Nicky made pancakes and Andre came over afterwards, letting himself in while Alex and Nicky did the dishes. Hanna sat in her high chair and mostly played with the pieces of pancakes she’d been given. 

Alex went to go shower, taking his time because he figured Andre may want to talk to Nicky one-on-one. The hot water also felt amazing on his achy knee and he wasn’t eager to forgo that.

By the time he came back downstairs, Andre and Nicky were on the couch and Hanna was sprawled on the floor, asleep with her lovey in hand. Alex gave him a funny look, raising his eyebrows.

Nicky sighed. “She did not want to go to bed.” He fought back a smile. “Can’t you see she isn’t tired?” 

“Ah, yes. Of course.” Alex picked her up and she whined at him with bleary eyes. “I don’t know how you get so stubborn.” He said fondly, winking at Nicky. 

Andre snickered until Nicky lightly elbowed him in the ribs. “Hey.” He protested. Nicky rolled his eyes and tossed an arm over Andre’s shoulder. Alex rocked Hanna in his arms and shared a smile with Nicky as Andre easily leaned into the embrace. Nicky turned his head and said something in undertones to Andre. 

Alex decided to give them space and carry Hanna upstairs to her nursery. She lulled back to sleep against his chest, but woke when he laid her in the crib. She wrinkled her face at him and started to cry. “Sasa! Sasasasa!” She protested, rubbing her eyes and shaking her head. 

Alex picked her up again, sighing and patting her back, bouncing her gently. She stuck her hand in her mouth and babbled unhappily at him. He settled her on his hip and gently pulled her hand from her mouth. “More teeth?” He asked, not sure what he expected her to say. 

She let him look just long enough to see a pale nub in her gum before she threw her head back and cried again. 

“Ok. Let’s go see your papa.” He decided, carrying her downstairs and grabbing the baby Tylenol from the bathroom. 

Alex slowed to a stop at the bottom of the stairs. Andre was still wrapped up in Nicky’s arms, the TV on but being ignored. He had his head against Nicky’s chest. Nicky shook his head slightly at Alex and Alex quietly slipped into the kitchen. 

He found a teething toy in the freezer and put Hanna in the high chair with it while he carefully measured out medicine. 

Nicky came in after he’d given her the proper dose, while she was still sputtering and glaring at him. “She wouldn’t let me look in her mouth earlier.” Nicky said quietly. “But I thought I saw another tooth.” 

“New tooth.” Alex confirmed. “Burky ok?”

Nicky shrugged, grabbing two glasses of water. “He’s...he’s ok. Just having a rough time.” He said. “I can take Hanna. Is your knee ok?”

“Knee, fine.” Alex said dismissively. “You take care of Burky, I take Hanna back upstairs, try to nap.”

“Thank you.” Nicky said. He dropped a kiss onto Hanna’s head and pressed one to Alex’s cheek. “Thank you.”

Alex took Hanna back upstairs. He set her in the crib and she dramatically threw herself down, crying angrily. Alex frowned at her. “This is not how you get picked up.” He said, shaking his head. 

“Papapapa?” 

“Papa is busy. Just me, ok?”

“Sasa?” She lifted her head to blink tearfully at him and, for all that Alex didn’t want to spoil her, he couldn’t not pick her up. 

She sniffled and snuggled against his chest. “I know, new teeth aren’t fun. Not your fault.” He grabbed a few of her picture books and carried her to the master bedroom. 

She fell asleep after the first book and Alex played on his phone once he realized he didn’t have to read about sloths if she wasn’t awake. He was still holding her when Nicky came upstairs. 

“Is she ok?” Nicky asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Sad about teeth.” Alex shrugged. “Hates her crib now.”

“Yeah. She lost it when I put her down for her nap earlier.” He looked down thoughtfully. “She might be outgrowing her morning nap.”

Alex’s heart ached at the thought of Hanna outgrowing anything, especially when she was snuggling with him so sweetly. “Maybe.” He agreed. “Burky ok? Still here?”

“Still here. I just wanted to check on you.” Nicky said quietly. “And, he's ok. Just…”

“Needs his papa?” Alex guessed. 

“Something like that.” Nicky said, a reserved smile on his lips. Alex thought he knew more about their team than anyone else, and maybe he did, but Nicky was better at keeping secrets than he could’ve ever guessed. 

Alex brought Hanna downstairs when she woke up again a half hour later, a little more calm and in a better mood with pain medicine onboard. Nicky had an arm over Andre, the younger man leaning into Nicky’s side while they watched TV. Alex sat down beside them, plopping Hanna into Andre’s lap. Nicky smiled at Alex as Andre sang to her, helping her clap her hands in time with the song. 

They ordered take out for lunch and Andre left afterwards. Nicky looked up at Alex. “I used to get...nervous, about hockey. And everything else.” He said, unprompted, as they sat on the couch, watching Hanna slowly pull herself along the length of the coffee table. 

“Oh?” Alex said, looking at him curiously. Nicky had been so quiet when he first joined the team, Alex hadn’t been able to read him at all. 

“Yeah. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep.” He smiled, like it was a fond memory. “The Nylanders had a hammock on the back porch...it was the only place I could sleep those nights, even in the cold.” 

“Oh, Nicky.” Alex stroked his hair. 

“Michael would come find me and bring me inside. I had a lot of blankets.” Nicky added. Nicky had a hammock on his patio, Alex remembered. He’d found him napping there occasionally over the summer, baby-monitor in hand. He carded his fingers through his hair again and Nicky stretched out, his head in Alex’s lap. 

“How often?”

“I don’t know...a few times a month.” He admitted. “I got a hammock when I moved out.” 

Alex thought he knew what he was being told, even if Nicky didn’t say it in so many words. It was difficult to look at Nicky now, mature and self-composed, and imagine him so young and nervous. Even when they’d been younger, he hadn’t known enough to see past Nicky’s mask. “Burky liked the hammock too?” He guessed. 

Nicky smiled at him softly. “Yeah, sometimes.” He closed his eyes. 

They played the next night and lost by one, after Andre turned over the puck in their own zone and it led to a goal. Alex wanted to say something, but it wasn’t his place. He wanted to comfort Andre, but it wouldn’t mean as much coming from him. 

The locker room was mostly empty when Nicky finally did something. He came over to stand beside Andre’s stall, kicking his foot to get his attention. “Come over.” Nicky said. 

Andre barely lifted his head from his hands.”No, it’s fine.” 

Nicky’s mouth twitched into a frown. Alex pretended to be looking at his phone, but he was still watching. Nicky squatted down beside Andre, settling a hand on his knee. He said a few things in Swedish and Andre glanced at Alex, catching him watching. The younger man’s cheeks flushed. “I’m ok.” He said, in English for Alex’s benefit. “I don’t want to bother you.”

Nicky huffed out a sigh, rolling his eyes. “You love to bother me.” He teased dryly. “Come over.” 

“Papa…” Andre whined, scowling at him. 

“Andre…” Nicky mocked him gently. “Just come over.” 

Andre glanced at Alex once more, before switching back to Swedish. He sounded anxious and Nicky sounded reassuring; Alex didn’t know what they were saying, but he knew when he was being talked about. 

Ultimately, Andre followed them home. If Tatiana was surprised to see him, she didn’t let it show. After she’d left, Nicky surprised both Alex and Andre when he grabbed each by the wrist and guided them to the couch. 

Alex let himself be situated in the corner of the sofa. Nicky leaned against his chest and pulled Andre into a loose embrace. Andre shifted nervously for a few minutes before he finally started to relax. 

Alex chose something from the queue on Netflix, so they wound up watching an ocean documentary. They were learning about deep sea creatures when Nicky cleared his throat. “This is Hanna’s favorite show.” He explained. 

Andre turned his head up to look at him. “Really?”

“Mhm.” Nicky nodded. Alex smiled as Andre snuggled in closer against Nicky’s chest. 

“She’s so big now.” He said. 

“I know.” Nicky agreed. “She’s almost 10 months old.” Nicky squeezed Andre’s arm. “She likes you.”

Andre shrugged. “She likes hearing Swedish.” 

“She likes you.” Nicky repeated, as though he hadn’t heard him. Nicky fell quiet for a long moment. “You know, if you need anything, I’m still here.” 

“I know.” Andre whispered. “But-“

“Shhh.” Nicky interrupted. Alex stifled a chuckle. 

“You have a baby though.” 

“I do.” Nicky agreed mildly. 

“I don’t want to-“

“Bura.” Nicky sighed. “Stop it. Just- you have a key still, yes?” 

“Yeah, bu-“

“So, use it.” Nicky patted his arm gently. 

“Don’t argue, Burky.” Alex said, a rumbling laugh bubbling in his chest. “Just come over, eat food, let him fuss.” 

“Ok, ok, fine.” Andre finally smiled. “If it makes papa happy.” He teased. 

Nicky rolled his eyes but looked content and happy. “Thank you.” 

Alex planned a romantic dinner for Valentine’s Day. He planned to light candles and kiss Nicky breathless. He bought scented massage oil that he had planned to rub all over his naked body. Hanna was going to go with his parents and they didn’t have any obligations the next day; Alex was going to take Nicky apart, he was going to make him loud.

Instead, Nicky was up all night the night before with Hanna, who was feverish and throwing up. Alex relieved him around dawn. “She keep anything down?” Alex asked. 

“No.” Nicky sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He had a cut on his cheek from the game that night, heavy bags under his eyes. “You don’t have to-“

“Nicky.” Alex cut him off. “Go sleep.” 

“Ok. Thank you.” Nicky kissed him on the cheek, ducking away when Alex went to kiss his lips. “I don’t want to get you sick.” He explained softly. 

Alex rolled his eyes and stilled Nicky with a hand on his cheek, kissing his mouth. “I live here.” He smiled at him. “My germs too.” 

Nicky smiled sleepily. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

“Wake me up if anything changes, ok?” 

“Ok.” Alex promised. 

Alex felt bad for Hanna. She was fever-flushed and whimpering, wanting to be held and not wanting to be held simultaneously. Alex rubbed her belly and she eventually fell asleep in his arms. He tried to lay her down and she started to cry without completely waking. 

Alex cuddled her close again. “I’m sorry, solnyshko.” He murmured, settling in the rocking chair. “I’m sorry.” 

When Nicky stumbled in a few hours later, Hanna was fussy and had thrown up again. 

“I called her doctor. She said to try pedialyte.” Nicky said, leaning against the dresser. “And Tylenol.” 

“You have pedialyte?” 

“In the kitchen.”

Hanna hated pedialyte and she hated Tylenol and everything else too. Nicky sang a lullaby as he tried to rock her in his arms and she sobbed weakly at him. He managed to get her to take a few sips and she threw up on him, crying harder. 

Alex took her and Nicky stripped his t-shirt off. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, like he did on the bench when the team lost focus. When he opened his eyes again, he was calm and strong again. 

“Ok. You need a bath, Hanna.” He decided, taking her from Alex and rubbing her back. 

“Bath?” Alex raised his eyebrows. 

“It should help her calm down.” Nicky explained. He said something to Hanna is Swedish; sometimes he repeated himself to her so she got to hear her father’s native tongue. 

A bath, fresh clothes, and another lullaby left Hanna more relaxed and more tolerant. Nicky coaxed her into drinking part of her bottle and a few more sips of pedialyte. She fell asleep against Nicky’s bare chest and Nicky sunk back into the couch cushions, exhausted. 

It was only noon, but Nicky had been up most of the night after their game. Alex turned the TV on quietly and Nicky blinked at it slowly. “It’s Valentine’s Day?” He checked, uncertain. 

Alex chuckled. “It is.”

Nicky scrubbed at his face. “I know your mom was going to watch Hanna but…” he bit his lip. “I want to keep her here.” 

Alex smiled and scooted down to loop an arm over Nicky’s shoulders. “Yeah, ok.” 

“You’re ok with that?” 

“Of course. Hanna needs her papa.” Alex kisses his temple. “I still make you dinner.” 

“I don’t want to think about food yet.” Nicky said, wrinkling his nose. “I think there’s puke in my hair.”

Alex smiled at him. “Still beautiful.” He liked to watch the color gradually fill Nicky’s cheeks. 

By dinner time, Hanna had only thrown up one more time. Nicky had put her to sleep in her crib and then gone to shower. He came back downstairs in sweats and a t shirt with an 8 on the back. 

Alex made chicken and pasta for dinner and opened a bottle of wine. Nicky cleaned his plate, but even one glass of wine left him yawning and bleary-eyed. 

Candles and massage oil would have to wait, Alex decided. “Let’s watch a movie.” He suggested. Nicky nodded and it was easy to pull the blond into his arms on the couch. 

Nicky was asleep before the opening credits had even finished. Alex kissed the top of his head and watched the movie by himself, his heart full in his chest. 

Nicky woke up at the end of the movie, slow and sleepy in a way Alex adored. He rolled over so his face was against Alex’s chest, looping an arm around his waist. “I got you a present.” He said quietly. 

“Oh?” 

“It’s upstairs.” 

Upstairs, Nicky presented Alex with a small red bag. Inside, he found a pair of boxers covered in red hearts that made him laugh out loud. Underneath, there was a small jewelry box. Nicky watched him nervously as he slowly opened it. 

Inside was a necklace, the chain long enough to be tucked under his shirt like he liked. One side had a picture of an eagle, the other side their numbers etched side by side. Nicky swallowed, fidgeting with his sleeves. “I know it’s cheesy, but-“ 

“No, Nicky, it’s perfect.” Alex interrupted, kissing him. “I love it.” 

“Oh. Good. That’s- good.” Nicky stammered, pink and embarrassed and so cute Alex’s heart felt as though it might burst from his chest. Alex kissed him again. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Nicky said, tucking his face in against Alex’s neck and letting himself be enveloped in his arms. 

Alex wore his new necklace the next day, tucking it under his jersey before the game. When he played with, pulling the pendant up to his mouth to kiss it before they took the ice, he caught Nicky watching him with wide eyes. He looked like a deer caught by headlights before he broke into a smile. 

Alex patted his back and bumped their shoulders together. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed. 

February ended with a homestand and an ice storm. Alex was at home, waiting for Nicky and Hanna to be back from her doctor’s appointment. He was peering out the window when his phone rang. “Hey.” He answered, smiling. 

“I need you to come get us.” Nicky said, voice shaking and unsteady. Alex stilled. In the background, he could hear Hanna crying. 

“Are you ok?” 

“We got in a car accident. The ice- the roads are bad.” Nicky took a shaky breath. “I- Hanna’s ok. I think the car is totaled-“ 

“Where are you? I come get you.” Alex interrupted, heart racing. 

Nicky relayed the information and then added, “be careful.” 

The roads were slick, but Alex had grown up driving in worse conditions and Nicky wasn’t far from home. Police, an ambulance, and fire trucks were still there when he arrived. Nicky’s car was badly damaged on the front by the driver side and looked to be leaking fluid. After asking a police officer (who definitely recognized Alex, based on the raised eyebrows) he was directed to the back of the ambulance. 

Nicky and Hanna were inside. Nicky relaxed as soon as he stepped in. He had cuts on his face and was as pale as the blanket draped over his shoulders. He looked miserable, frightened, and overwhelmed. Hanna was clinging to him tightly. Alex wanted to do something. 

“You ok?” Alex asked. He felt sick not being able to wrap Nicky in a hug then and there, felt twitchy and anxious. Nicky was undone and Alex wanted to protect him, but he couldn’t. 

“Yeah.” Nicky looked at the paramedic. “We’re done?” He confirmed. 

“All done.” She smiled at him. “Drive safe.” 

Nicky handed Hanna to Alex as he got out, limping slightly. “You need to go to hospital?” Alex asked. 

“What? Oh, no. I’m ok. Hanna’s ok.” Nicky was shaking, his coat left behind somewhere; he hated wearing it when he drove. 

“Limping.” Alex pointed out. 

Nicky bit his lip, taking a deep breath. “Please, I just- can we go home?” 

“Yeah.” Alex agreed easily. A police officer stopped them before they reached Alex’s car, handing Nicky back his drivers license and some paperwork. Alex half-listened as he bounced Hanna in his arms, gleaning that the accident wasn’t Nicky’s fault; another car had been unable to stop at the red light. 

Finally, they reached Alex’s car. He buckled Hanna into her car seat as Nicky collapsed into the front seat. He was quiet the first few minutes of the drive, eyes fixed on the dashboard. 

“You ok?” Alex asked again, settling his hand on his knee. It wasn’t enough, but it would have to do for the moment. 

Nicky shrugged. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “I- Hanna’s ok.”

“Hanna’s ok.” Alex agreed, heart breaking as Nicky leaned forward, covering his face. “Nicky?” 

“She’s ok?” He asked, voice wavering. 

“She’s ok.” Alex repeated. 

Nicky was in shock, Nicky was exposed, a raw nerve that pulsated painfully. Alex stared at the road, driving carefully as rain continued to fall, freezing on tree limbs and stop signs. Alex had to get them home before he could do anything else. 

Nicky stayed quiet and still, head bowed as he tried to hold himself together. Alex didn’t press; the air in the car was thick with fear, with anxiety. Nicky was shaking with it, breathing far too fast. 

Nicky held it together until they got home, until the garage doors closed behind them. He covered his mouth as he drew a wounded breath. The garage was silent, save for the sound of Nicky’s ragged breathing and the patter of rain outside. 

Alex undid his seatbelt and wrapped his arms around Nicky, ignoring the center console. “It’s ok. Everything’s ok.” He promised. 

Nicky gulped, shaking. He smothered a sob, trying to hold back. He hurt to look at, hurt to hear. 

“Inside, ok?” Alex said gently. Nicky nodded, scrubbing his hands across his cheeks. Alex undid Hanna from her car seat and carried her inside, guiding Nicky with one hand on his lower back. 

Nicky stumbled over the step out of the garage, catching himself with a hand on the wall. He sat down on the bench and Alex squatted down in front of him. “Hey, it’s ok. Nicky, look. It’s ok.” Nicky was hyperventilating, Nicky’s knuckles were white. 

“Papa?” Hanna asked, holding out hands towards him. Nicky hugged her to his chest and shattered open. His tears dripped down his cheeks unchecked as he sobbed and Alex embraced him, Hanna sandwiched between them. 

Alex rocked them both gently, a sudden rush of emotion hitting him. His eyes watered and welled over. Nicky and Hanna could’ve been hurt, could’ve been killed, and he would’ve lost everything. He held them tighter, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“I’m sorry.” Nicky managed, voice cracking. “I’m sorry.” He straightened, drying his cheeks only for more tears to fall. “Are you ok?”

“Scared me.” Alex admitted. He didn’t know how to explain how helpless he’d felt, how all he’d wanted was to comfort Nicky but couldn’t. 

Hanna took the moment of distraction to reach her hand up and touch Nicky’s wet cheek, curious. “Papa, Papa.” She babbled. 

Nicky smiled at her with watery eyes. “I love you.” He told her, repeating it in Swedish. “I love you so much.” He kissed her cheeks and she giggled. Alex kissed her too, smiling as she turned her face away and then lifted her head to peek at him, to see if he would do it again. He kissed her again and she laughed brightly. 

Nicky looked at Alex, smiling and drying his face. He drew a breath, trying to calm himself; Alex could see his hands still trembling. “I love you.” Nicky said to him, voice soft. 

“I love you too.” Alex squeezed his hand. “You want something to eat?”

“No.” Nicky shook his head. 

“You want tea?” Alex asked. There had to be something that would take the glimmer of lingering fear from Nicky’s eyes and Alex didn’t know what it would be. 

“I- yeah. Yes.” Nicky agreed. Alex gently corralled him to the living room and Nicky sunk into the couch wearily. Hanna seemed like she understood something stressful had happened, or maybe she was just tired from the doctor and the stress of the accident, because she snuggled in against Nicky’s chest and played with the strings to his hoody. 

Alex busied himself making tea and returned to the living room with two steaming mugs. “Here.” He passed him one. “I texted Trotz, told him we’re not going to the optional.”

Nicky sat up a bit straighter. “We can-“

“Nicky, no.” Alex said softly. Nicky nodded slowly, slouching back. “Told him roads were too bad, you got in car accident. He said to stay home. Might cancel it anyway.” 

Nicky nodded, taking a sip of tea and closing his eyes. “Thank you.” 

“You hurt?” 

Nicky wrinkled his nose, shrugging. “I’m sore.” He looked up at Alex. “The airbags went off.” Alex nodded; he could smell the sharp smell of powder on him. 

“Hanna naps soon, we take a shower.” 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed. 

Hanna had her bottle and went down for her nap easily when Alex placed her in her crib, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. “Sasha loves you.” He whispered. 

She smiled at him with sleep-heavy eyes. “Sasa.” She repeated. He smoothed her hair, the tightness in his chest finally starting to unfurl. 

“Yeah. I love you.” 

Nicky let Alex undress him, let him steer him into the large shower. It wasn’t sexual, not as Alex took in the blossoming bruises from the seatbelt, the bruising on his arm, the scabbing cuts on his face and hands. It was...it was reassurance, that Nicky was ok, that he really wasn’t hurt badly. 

Alex washed Nicky’s hair slowly, tilting his head back as he rinsed to keep the suds from his eyes. Alex needed to touch him, needed to see Nicky in one piece. Maybe that would help diminish the fear in his chest, or maybe Alex would live the rest of his life with it tucked in alongside his heart, knowing exactly how close he’d come to loss. 

He could’ve lost Nicky, after finally getting him. He could’ve lost Hanna, who he hadn’t even known he needed in his life. 

“You ok?” Nicky asked, blinking up at Alex. 

Alex forced a smile. “Just thinking.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky closed his eyes. “Me too.” 

That night, if they both tossed and turned and couldn’t fall asleep, at least they didn’t have to explain it. Alex woke up at 3AM in a panic, the bed empty. His heart pounded in his chest before his brain caught up. 

He made his way to the nursery, finding Nicky standing just inside the doorway. Alex wrapped n arm around his shoulders and stood beside him, watching the steady rise and fall of Hanna’s body as she breathed. 

“You ok?” Alex whispered. 

Nicky shrugged. “Can’t sleep.” He admitted. “I keep thinking...” He trailed off but Alex could fill in the blanks, because he’d been having the same thoughts. 

“She’s ok.” Alex said. “She’s ok. You’re ok.” 

Nicky hugged him, ducking his head so his face was against Alex’s neck. Alex rubbed his back. Nicky’s muscles were tense under his hand, but he started to relax as he swept his hand up and down. “I was so scared.” 

“Me too.” Alex kissed the top of his head. “She’s ok.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I love you. Love you both so much.” Alex whispered into Nicky’s tangled blond locks. Nicky’s fingers tightened their grip. 

“I love you.” He echoed, voice cracking. “I love you.”


	6. March

Nicky put off buying a car, seemingly content to let Alex drive him around. Alex didn’t bring it up, because every time he thought about it, he remembered how scared Nicky had been and he didn’t want to relive that, even for a second. So, Alex drove and Nicky fell into the habit of drowsing off against the window after hard practices and games. 

Alex would be lying if he said he didn’t have a growing collection of photos of it on his phone. 

There was no point in bringing up a car when they had a weeklong road trip looming over them, and a baby who seemed to sense when they were about to leave. 

The day before, she woke in the middle of the night crying. Alex barely noticed when Nicky slipped from the bed, but he opened his eyes when he heard Hanna’s whimpering growing closer. 

The mattress sunk as Nicky came back to bed. Alex rolled over, blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes. “Papa?” Hanna whined. “Sasa?”

“Hi, Hanna.” Alex smiled lazily, rubbing her back. 

“I think she had a nightmare.” Nicky yawned. “Ach. Please don’t put your fingers in my mouth.” He pulled his face away from her inquisitive hands. 

Alex chuckled and rested his arm around Nicky’s waist. He could see enough to see Hanna snuggled against Nicky’s chest, holding her lovey, with her other arm wrapped around Nicky’s neck and twirling his hair around her fingers. 

“She ok?” 

“Yeah.” Nicky whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Screaming wake me.” 

“Sorry.” Nicky apologized. 

“It’s ok.” Alex murmured sleepily, his heavy eyes falling closed, drifting back to sleep just as Nicky started to sing a lullaby for Hanna. 

When he woke up again, Hanna was back in her crib and Nicky was plastered against Alex’s back. The room was bright, light streaming in through the shades and outside he could hear birds chirping. He shifted slightly and Nicky grumbled, tightening his hold on him. Alex smiled to himself; Nicky had a bubble with most people, but not those closest to him. 

“Good morning.” Alex squeezed his hand. 

He felt Nicky shake his head against his back. “Wha’s so good about it?” He muttered. 

“No practice.” Alex rolled over and Nicky cuddled up against his chest, clingy and half-asleep. “No plans.”

“No sleep.” Nicky countered with a yawn. 

Alex chuckled and smoothed a hand over his hair. “Hanna keep you up?”

“I think she knows we’re leaving.” Nicky admitted, stifling another yawn. “She wanted to cuddle.” 

“Maybe knows. Or maybe teething.” 

Nicky groaned. “I hope not. That’s suppose to get better.” 

Over the baby monitor, Hanna started to make sounds. “I’ll get her.” Alex decided, kissing Nicky’s forehead. 

“No, it’s fine.” Nicky started to push himself up but Alex stilled him with a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sleep. You get all the snuggles last night.” He teased, sliding out of bed. 

Nicky grinned and half-hid his face against the pillow, dimples showing on his cheek. “Thank you.” 

Hanna was standing in her crib when Alex pushed the door open, her hands holding tight to the rail. She beamed at him and plopped down when she held her arms out to be picked up. “Sasa!” She chirped cheerfully, 

“Hi, Hanna.” Alex picked her up, swinging her upside down to make her laugh. “You keep your papa up all night? You don’t look so sleepy.” 

“Papapapa.” 

“He’s sleeping.” Alex explained. He kissed her cheeks and she giggled. “You want your bottle?” 

“Ba!” She said agreeably, one hand clasped tight to his collar and the other in her mouth. 

Alex carried her downstairs, prepping her bottle with her still on his hip. She pressed a wet kiss to his chest, leaving a drool mark on his shirt. As they waited for the bottle to warm, he turned her upside down again and she laughed happily. 

“Is that funny?” He grinned. “You like that?” He did it again, laughing with her. 

“Having fun?” Alex looked up to see Nicky leaning against the doorframe, hair mussed and still in his sleep clothes. 

“So much.” Alex smiled. “Obviously, not related to you. Such a morning person.” 

“She goes to bed at 7pm.” Nicky protested mildly, chuckling as he did. Hanna watched him attentively. Nicky said something to her in Swedish; Alex wondered if he should start trying to learn some basic words. 

“Papa, Papa!” Hanna babbled at him. Alex passed her to Nicky and grinned as Nicky cuddled her in his arms, one wide hand across her back. 

“I love you.” He whispered to her, kissing her forehead, just above the healing pink scar. 

“Papa.” 

“Yeah, that’s me.” He agreed softly. He took the bottle from the warmer and checked the temperature against his wrist. “Do you want to feed her?” He asked, looking at Alex through his lashes. 

“Sure.” Alex agreed easily. He loved to give Hanna her bottle, even though she didn’t really need to be held anymore. Nicky had explained it was good for developing a bond with the baby, and neither of them had wanted to stop having that moment with her. It made his heart thump hard against his sternum, made his whole body feel warm and fuzzy, when she looked up at him and smiled around the bottle, drooling a bit. 

Nicky made coffee and settled down beside them with his mug, taking a long sip. After he’d consumed about half of it, he nudged Alex to get his attention. “I was going to see if Andre wants come over today.” 

“Good.” Alex nodded. “Burky needs his papa too.” He teased. Nicky rolled his eyes and drained the rest of his coffee. 

The weather was pleasantly warm and when Andre came over they ate lunch outside. Hanna made her usual noises, strings of vowels with interspersed consonants, periodically punctuated by Papa or Sasa when she thought they weren’t listening closely enough. 

She loved Andre, who watched her with thoughtful eyes and nodded along as she spoke at him. She loved even more when he spoke Swedish, giggling when he sang nursery rhymes to her and helped her clap her hands in time. 

After they ate, Nicky showed Andre how Hanna could walk with some help. Alex and Nicky sat and watched as Andre slowly helped her do laps around the patio, hunched over to hold her hands. Alex smiled to himself as he watched Nicky stealthily take a video.

“Good the kids get along so good.” He teased quietly. 

“Shhh.” Nicky chuckled, smiling warmly at Alex before turning his attention back to his daughter and Andre. 

Nicky’s backyard backed up to woods, and was mostly hidden from sight. It was quiet, except for birds and laughter. Alex caught Nicky’s hand in his, swinging it between their chairs. “Should get Hanna a swing set.” He suggested. 

“That’s a good idea.” Nicky agreed. “We could do that for her birthday.” 

Andre looked up. “Her birthday is next month, right?”

“The 24th.” Nicky confirmed. 

“Wow. She’s already almost a year old.” He said, looking down at her. 

Nicky nodded. “I know.” He looked wistful. Alex squeezed his hand and Nicky squeezed back tight. “Soon she’ll be walking on her own.” 

“When will she get skates?” Andre asked, grinning. Hanna grew tired of walking and plopped down, crawling over to the edge of the patio. “Do you want me to stop her?” He asked, ready to intervene. 

“She’s fine.” Nicky shrugged. “It’s her yard, but she’s never really seen it.” 

They all watched Hanna as she found the rocks at the edge of the brick patio, laughing to herself when she grabbed one in her hand. She held her fist out for Nicky to see. 

“That’s a rock, good job.” Nicky went to sit beside her. She dropped it into his lap. “Oh, thank you.” He smiled at her, picking it back up. 

Hanna was almost done needing a morning nap, but her afternoon nap was non-negotiable. She started to get fussy when she was tired, rubbing her eyes and making upset sounds. 

“Hanna Catrin, come here.” Nicky said, patting his thigh, when she cried at Andre after he tried stop her from putting a leaf in her mouth. 

“Sorry.” Andre said, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean-“

“She’s just tired.” Nicky explained. Hanna held up her hands to Nicky and he picked her up, settling in the hammock. She rubbed her face against his chest, before snuggling in under his chin. He rocked the hammock gently side to side. 

“Cranky like her papa.” Alex teased. 

Nicky rolled his eyes at the gentle mocking. Within a few minutes, Hanna was asleep. Nicky rubbed her back gently, trying not to disturb the grip she had on his shirt collar. The conversation lapses into silence for a while until Nicky looked at Andre. 

“How are you doing?” He asked softly. Alex pretended to play on his phone, watching Andre’s cheeks pink out of the corner of his eye. 

“I’m fine.” He said, shifting embarrassedly. He glanced at Alex and Alex kept his eyes fixed on his phone. 

Nicky studied him with erudite eyes and Andre continued to squirm under his gaze. 

“I want lemonade.” Alex declared suddenly, standing up. “You want?” 

“No, thank you.” Nicky said, still watching Andre. 

“No, thanks.” Andre echoed. 

Alex went inside and set about finding out if they even had enough lemons to make lemonade. They did, though one was tucked in the back of the fridge, forgotten and a little questionable. Out the back window, he could hear the Swedes talking in hushed voices. He smiled to himself. 

Andre looked less awkward when Alex returned 15 minutes later with a few glasses and a pitcher. Nicky blinked, surprised. “You really made lemonade?” 

“Said I wanted it.” Alex took a sip and smiled. 

“How many lemons did we have?” He asked, incredulous. Alex laughed; Nicklas Backstrom, arguably the sharpest and most observant player he’d ever played with, did not know the contents of his own refrigerator. 

“Enough.” Alex answered. Nicky stared at him blankly. Alex smirked. “Nicky, so cute, but so blond. Maybe all that hair dye did something.” He teased. 

Nicky frowned sternly and flipped him off while Andre covered his mouth to hide a laugh. He frowned at Andre too, for good measure. “You’re both terrible.” He said, unable to hide the fondness in his tone. 

The next day, Alex noticed Nicky was more preoccupied with his phone than was usual, frowning over it as he texted. Alex caught a glimpse, but it was all in Swedish. Nicky didn’t offer any explanation until they were walking back to the hotel from dinner. 

“My mom texted me today.” He said into the comfortable silence. 

“Yeah?” Alex prompted gently. 

“Yeah.” Nicky glanced at him, their elbows bumping together. “They want to come visit for Hanna’s birthday.”

Alex’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Really?” 

“Uh huh.” Nicky looked down, shoving his hands deeper into his coat pockets. “I told them no.” He confessed. 

“You what?” 

“I told them no.” He repeated more quietly, guilt coloring his tone. “I told them they could come in May, like last year.” 

“Why?” 

“Because...because it’s her first birthday. It’s...she’s been mine for almost a year. They didn’t want anything to do with her.” Nicky shrugged. Even in the dark, Alex could see his cheeks turning red. 

Alex nodded. “First birthday is special. Should be for family.” Nicky looked up, looking hurt and surprised, but Alex continued quickly. “Not just family like related, family like...like people who are there, you know?” He explained, wanting to take away the sad look in Nicky’s eyes. He felt a twinge of remorse for putting it there in the first place, but Nicky knew better than most how unwieldy English could be. 

The anxious tension drained out of Nicky’s face and he smiled, relieved. “Yeah. Exactly.” 

Alex slung an arm around Nicky’s shoulders. “What do you want for Hanna’s birthday?”

“Just something simple.” Nicky said. “Not whatever you would plan.” He said, a teasing grin toying at his lips. 

“Very funny. I throw best parties.” Alex boasted playfully. 

“I remember.” Nicky said. “Mostly, I mean.” He added, smiling when Alex laughed loudly, ruffling Nicky’s hair as fondness washed over his heart. 

They’d only been back at the hotel a few minutes when Nicky’s phone rang. He muttered under his breath as he reached for it, answering. Nicky started the conversation perched on the edge of the bed, but he soon rose to pace the room, a nervous edge to his posture that he didn’t let bleed into his tone. 

Alex felt a flash of- not anger, but maybe sadness- that Nicky had learned to compartmentalize his emotions like that, that he’d ever felt he needed to hide away parts of himself. 

The longer the conversation went on, the more Alex decided he really should learn Swedish, at least a little bit. He tried to parse out the few words he did know, but Nicky spoke too quickly, too fluidly, for him to understand. Plus, he mostly knew profanity. 

Nicky’s tone was the sort of forced pleasantness he manufactured after a bad loss or major disappointment. He closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath. He sounded like he was repeating himself, but maybe Alex didn’t know enough to know otherwise. 

When he finally hung up, he covered his face with his hands, groaning. “Family?” Alex guessed. 

“My dad.” Nicky confirmed, flopping onto the bed and letting Alex pull him into his arms. 

“What did he want?” 

Nicky sighed. “To ask questions.”

“About?”

“Everything.” Nicky resettled so he was resting his head on the pillow, looking at Alex face to face. “He wants to know if your parents are going to Hanna’s birthday. I said yes.” He explained. 

“They don’t like that?”

“They don’t understand...Hanna doesn’t know my parents. They watched her once, when she was a week old.” 

“She doesn’t like new people so much.” Alex nodded; even some of their teammates were still no good. 

“No. They…” Nicky trailed off. “After she was born, I asked if they would change their tickets, if they could come sooner, to help. They stayed with Kris and his wife after their kids were born. But...they said no.”

“Oh. Didn’t know that.” Alex stroked a hand up his arm gently. 

“They said...I was making a mistake and I should give her to someone else. That…that I couldn’t- that I shouldn’t-“ Nicky closed his eyes. “They didn’t think I would be a good dad.” 

“They said that?” 

“Not exactly but…” Nicky shrugged. “They kept asking if I knew what I was doing. Telling me how hard it would be, telling me it’s not like you imagine it…They didn’t have to say it. I know what they thought.” 

Alex hugged him tightly, pulling him to his chest so tightly Nicky lost his breath for a moment. “Stupid. You’re best papa. Hanna so happy.” 

“Thank you.” Nicky clung to him, not wanting to be let go. Alex kissed the side of his head. “I want her to know them, I do, it’s just…” 

“They don’t see how good you are.” Alex said. “Not your fault.” 

“I know, but…” Nicky paused. “They don’t understand. They think I’m pushing them away, you know?” Alex nodded, rubbing Nicky’s back. “I told them I don’t want them to stay at my house. Our house.” He admitted. 

“Maybe a good thing.” 

“I said I’d pay for a hotel.” Nicky added quickly. “They sounded...they asked if you lived there, with me, and they sounded so…I don’t know. I don’t know.” His voice broke, just a little. Anyone else might’ve written it off as nothing, but Alex knew Nicky better than anyone else. 

Nicky so rarely let anyone, even Alex, see him as anything other than composed and calm. Alex had always been open with his emotions, with everyone. Some people thought he was too loud, too much, but he didn’t know how to be anything else. Nicky had always seemed muted or reserved, but he wasn’t; he was careful, but he trusted Alex to see him reeling, so he didn’t bother with a mask. 

It wasn’t just that his voice cracked; it was that he didn’t try to hide it, he didn’t try to pull away or change the subject. His voice cracked and his hands were shaking and Alex would do anything, anything, to make him feel better again. 

Alex kissed him, not knowing what else he could do. “Let them think whatever.” He said between kisses. “Love you too much to care.”

“I love you too.” Nicky repeated, hands sliding under Alex’s shirt, desperate for contact. 

It was more urgent than normal, more raw. Nicky didn’t usually need so much, didn’t usually let Alex make him feel small. Alex caged him in between his arms, kissing him until they both needed to part for air. 

Nicky worked his hand into the front of Alex’s pants, skilled hands jacking him off as Alex bit kisses onto his shoulder. 

Alex shucked Nicky’s pants down enough to get a hand on him, hearing and feeling Nicky gasp beneath him. 

It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t sexy. It was affirmation and comfort and solace all tied together with the press of skin on skin. Alex tangled one hand in Nicky’s hair, tugging his head back so he could kiss his neck. Nicky’s hand was the perfect tightness around his cock and the quiet cut-off noises he was making made Alex’s heart pump harder. 

Nicky caught Alex by surprise when he pushed him off, sliding down and taking Alex deep in his mouth before he could react. Alex groaned, pulling Nicky’s curls appreciatively. “Fuck, Nicky…” Alex swore, shifting his hips eagerly. He could feel his cock hitting the back of Nicky’s throat and Nicky’s fingers dug into his hips, urging him forwards. 

Alex came with a moan, holding Nicky’s head down for a half second longer, gazing down at him in awe, his nose buried in Alex’s pubic hair. Nicky was flushed when he lifted his head, eyes hazy with want. 

“Come here, come here.” Alex pulled him up, covering Nicky’s mouth with his own once he was close enough. After a few more strokes, Nicky was cumming between them and Alex swallowed down the soft noises he made. 

Nicky drew a shuddering breath and bowed his head to rest it against Alex’s shoulder. Alex should get up; there was cum drying on his skin, his clothes were only halfway off, and Nicky was starting to stick to him. But, he couldn’t bring himself to move the blond. Alex wrapped both arms around Nicky, pressing his lips to the top of his head. 

“Love you.” Nicky whispered, a touch hoarse. 

“Love you too.” Alex promised.

He did eventually get up, but he fell asleep with Nicky’s arms wrapped tight around him, his broad chest warm against his back. 

The next day, in between morning skate and meals, and team meetings, Nicky was mostly frowning over his phone. He tried to hide his mood, but Andre started to pick up on it.

“You ok, papa?” He asked, sitting beside Nicky at lunch. 

Nicky set his phone aside and forced a smile; it was not convincing. “I’m good. How are you?” 

“You don’t look very happy.” Andre countered, lowering his voice. Alex knocked his foot into Nicky’s underneath the table, but otherwise ignored them. 

“I’m fine.” Nicky said. Andre pouted. “It’s nothing.” 

Andre switched to Swedish, his tone wheedling and insistent. Nicky rolled his eyes at him. “I’m fine.” He repeated, in English. 

“Nicky….”

“It’s personal.”

Andre looked triumphant. “So it’s not nothing!” 

Nicky groaned and rubbed his temples, staring determinedly at the table.“I’m going to go sleep.” Nicky decided, standing abruptly. Alex looked after him in surprise, still eating his sandwich. 

Andre watched him go with a downtrodden expression. “I’m sorry.” He told Alex. “Is he ok?”

“He’s ok.” Alex assured him. Andre nodded slowly. “Room 405, if you want.” Alex offered. 

“Thank you.” Andre hurried after Nicky to apologize. 

Alex waited a while longer, talking to a few of the older guys and shooting the breeze. Nicky was the only one who easily fell asleep; the rest of them needed more time to wind down. 

When he finally went up to their room and let himself in Nicky was sitting on the bed cross-legged, already in his sweatpants, and Andre was in the desk chair, smiling. Nicky smiled at Alex brightly when he entered, making Alex’s chest flood with warmth. 

He kicked his shoes into the corner and dropped down onto the bed beside Nicky, ruffling his hair. Nicky frowned at him, even as his eyes grew fond. 

“Should smile more, Nicky.” Alex teased. “So cute when you smile.” 

“I thought I was cute all the time.” Nicky raised his eyebrows. 

“To me, sure. But, I like you a bit.” Alex gave a toothy grin. 

“Just a little bit, eh?” Nicky asked. 

“A little. Tiny crush.” 

“Gross.” Andre protested. “I’m still here.” 

Nicky rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at Andre. “Then go. Both of you are ruining my nap.” He said, laughter tinting his voice. 

“Has to get a good nap, gets more points.” Alex gently pulled Nicky until he was laying down and Alex could card his hand through his hair. Nicky’s eyes fluttered closed. 

Andre watched them with an expression somewhere between fondness and morbid curiosity before he shook his head. “Have a good nap, Papa.” He teased before he left. 

“Everything ok?” Alex asked, laying down beside Nicky and positioning him to be the little spoon. 

“Mhm.”

“You tell Burky?” 

“I told him a bit.” Nicky relaxed as Alex kept playing with his hair. “I didn’t want him to worry.” 

“That’s good.” Alex agreed. “Good to talk to other people.” 

“I know.” Nicky yawned. “But he doesn’t need to worry about me.” 

“Team is family.” Alex reminded him. “Don’t need to worry, want to.” He frowned to himself; that didn’t sound right. Damn English and it’s impreciseness. “Want to...be there for you, you know?” 

“Thank you.” Nicky said sleepily. 

Nicky slept for 2 hours and got two primary assists. Alex was starting to think there was something to this long naps thing Nicky had going on. 

Once the press had finished interviews, Alex slid up alongside Nicky, hooking his chin over his shoulder and looking at the phone in his hands. “Family?” He guessed, unable to decipher the words on the screen. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded, chewing at his lip. “My brother.” 

“Good?”

“Sort of.” He offered a small smile. “He invited us to stay with his family, for the wedding.” 

“That’s nice.” 

“He said my mom is still upset.” Nicky leaned against Alex. “But, she asked him to find out what size clothes Hanna wears.”

Alex squeezed Nicky’s shoulder. “Good. Hanna’s sweet. Hard to not like babies.” 

“I know.” Nicky nodded. He turned off his phone and looked at Alex. “I want a drink.” He decided, finally smiling widely. 

“I can do that.” Alex laughed. 

The team ended up at a bar downtown. Alex pulled Nicky into a booth with him, throwing an arm around him casually. Nicky glanced at him over the rim of his glass. “What?” Alex asked. 

“Nothing.” Nicky shook his head. 

Alex poked his cheek and Nicky elbowed him in retribution. “What?”

“Don’t be a brat.” Nicky teased. He sombered quickly. “I was thinking about this summer.”

“Oh?”

“People are going to wonder…” Nicky trailed off. 

Alex nodded. “So, let them.” He grinned. “Best friends 11 years. You follow me to Russia to play, remember? Wedding, not so strange.” 

Nicky chuckled and nodded slowly. “To be fair, I really liked you then too.” He admitted, cheeks pink from the alcohol, the warmth of the bar, or maybe his own admittance. 

Alex pulled him a little closer, relaxing back in the booth. “Liked you too. Didn’t call anyone else to come play with me.” He shared. 

Nicky leaned against his side, one hand holding his drink and the other resting under the table on Alex’s thigh. “Good.” Nicky decided, nodding his head once, with certainty. 

“Good?”

“Yeah.” Nicky looked up at him, lips wet and eyes smiling. Alex wanted to kiss him, even with so many people around. He settled for stealing a sip from Nicky’s drink and earning a surprised laugh. Alex made a show of licking his lips, grinning as Nicky’s eyes followed his tongue and his pupils dilated wide. 

“Can you not?” Tom asked, sliding into the booth across from them, Andre joining him. “If you don’t act weird, I will share my food.” 

Nicky leaned forward, considering the offer. “What is it?” 

“Fried pickles.” Tom pushed the dish towards him. They all watched as Nicky delicately plucked one off the plate and took a tentative bite. 

“Good?” Alex asked, reaching for one. 

“Really good.” Nicky agreed, finishing his piece and reaching for more. 

Tom rolled his eyes indulgently and flagged down someone to bring more pickles. He folded his hands on the table, clearing his throat. “I love you guys, you know that, right?” 

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked. 

“What did you do?” Nicky asked simultaneously. 

Tom laughed at their reactions. “Not me, just...people say shit on the ice, you know?” He said slowly. 

Alex looked curious and Nicky frowned. “I told you not to fight.” He said quietly. 

“I have to fight sometimes.” Tom said, shaking his head. “You know that.” 

Alex looked at Nicky. “You told him not to fight?” 

Nicky scrunched up his nose, having not been understood. “I told him not to fight about the shit people say to me.” 

Alex paused. There was a lot of shit-talking on the ice, but it was mostly innocuous. People had made stupid comments to him since he first started playing and it didn’t taper off once he reached the NHL. He assumed Nicky heard the same things but it never occurred to him that it could mean anything; it was just people trying (and failing) to get under Nicky’s skin. 

“What they say?” 

Nicky shrugged. “Nothing new.” He looked at Alex. “They don’t really know.” 

“But they still shouldn’t say it!” Tom said. “I can’t just sit back and not do anything.” 

“You should.” Nicky advised. “You can’t do anything from the box.” 

“They called you a fa-“

“I know what they said.” Nicky interrupted. “And they’ve said it since I was a kid.” He finished in undertones. 

Tom scowled. “That’s stupid.” 

Nicky took another fried pickle, grinning. “So are you, if you think you need to protect me.” He pointed at Tom with his crescent shaped pickle. 

Alex laughed. “Mean Lars takes care of himself.” 

When they got back to the hotel, Alex followed Nicky back to their room, flopping into the bed with a heavy exhale. Nicky favored him with a fond smile before going to brush his teeth and changing into his sleep clothes. Alex shucked off his jeans and overshirt before Nicky crawled into bed beside him. 

“You get made fun of as a kid?” Alex asked after the lights went out. 

“Not too bad until I was a teenager, really.” Nicky said. 

“Why?”

Nicky rolled onto his back with a sigh and looked up at him in the dark. “I didn’t date anyone.” He explained matter-of-factly. “And eventually the other guys noticed.” 

“Not even for…so they think you have a girl somewhere?” Alex asked, fumbling with his words. 

Nicky shrugged. “My brother would know I was lying. He was only a few years older…” he paused for a breath. “I kissed a girl at a party, once.” Nicky added. 

“Only once?”

“It didn’t do much for me.” Nicky said blithely, slipping his hands under Alex’s shirt. 

Alex grinned and kissed him. “What was her name?” He asked, half-curious. 

“Jealous?” Nicky teased him. Alex chuckled against Nicky’s lips. “Julia.” 

“Julia.” He repeated. “Poor Julia.” 

“It was on a dare.” Nicky explained further. “I was 14.” Alex kissed him again. It was too easy to imagine Nicky, young and out of place, trying to fit in. He stroked his hair.

“I like both.” He offered. It was too dark to see, but he swore Nicky rolled his eyes. 

“I noticed.” He said, tone dry. “You weren’t very subtle, when we were young.” Alex really hadn’t been, he admitted to himself. But he’d been young and eager to try anything new. 

“Yeah, well…” Alex shrugged. 

Nicky hugged him tightly. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Their last game of the road trip was chippy and punctuated with penalties, the play starting to feel desperate at the end of the season. Alex was frustrated with his team taking bad penalties, but Nicky was the one Trotz asked to say something between periods. Probably because Alex was frustrated, was upset with his play and theirs. 

Nicky never looked angry when he was asked to do this. It was part of his role, as an Alternate Captain, as a veteran of the team. He didn’t look angry, but he didn’t look like he welcomed it either. Alex couldn’t help the upwelling of fondness in his gut when Nicky grimaced as he came to stand beside Trotz. The coach patted his shoulder once, in reassurance or maybe to keep him from bolting. 

Nicky was smart, especially about hockey. Alex had an advanced degree in sports science, but he didn’t see the ice like Nicky did; none of them could. 

The team looked to Nicky, to both of them, when things weren’t going well. But Nicky was the one who could swallow down his frustrations and make constructive suggestions. The team fell silent as he spoke, even the rustling of equipment fading to nothing. 

Nicky glanced at Alex after he’d addressed his key points and Alex nodded. Whatever Nicky had to say about Alex’s hockey, the team could hear it; it was only fair. He’d never pulled any punches on that front before. 

“You’re letting them get in your head.” He said quietly. “Don’t be stupid.” 

‘Don’t be stupid’- Alex should probably get that tattooed on his arm, as often as Nicky had said it to him over the years. Maybe they could embroider it into his glove. 

“Can’t help be stupid.” Alex said, because the boys could only be scolded so long and if it was Nicky’s job to make them focus, it was Alex’s job to buoy their emotions and make them smile. Otherwise, they’d trudge back out to the ice like they were being led to their death. 

Nicky favored him with a thankful grin, happy to no longer be on the podium. He glanced at the boys and smiled. “I’ll buy Hanna the jersey of whoever scores the winning goal.” He offered, smiling more happily when they cheered at that. 

They may have all been grown men, but babies transformed them to mush like nothing else. Especially a baby that had mastered the patented Backstrom Murder Eyes. 

In the end, it was Evgeny who put them one up and let them win the game. Nicky rolled his eyes but let him watch as Nicky ordered the jersey on his phone, to have it shipped to his house. 

Two days later, they brought Hanna to the optional skate wearing her Kuznetsov jersey. Alex handed her to Evgeny and took a picture quickly before Hanna’s lip started to wobble and she cried for him. 

“Sasa, Sasa!” She warbled, trying to wiggle free of Evgeny’s grasp. 

“You hurt my feelings, you know that?” Evgeny told her, bouncing her in his arms to no avail. 

Nicky laughed as Alex took her back and she buried her face against his neck and settled down quickly. 

“Fussy.” Alex chided her. “Kuzy is not so bad.” 

“Papa?” She raised her head to look around for him. Wordlessly, Alex passed her to Nicky. 

Nicky kissed her forehead and held her on his hip so she could see Evgeny. “Look, you match him.” He said, pointing to his shoulder to show her the numbers on his sleeve. She shook her head and hid her face. 

Nicky smiled sheepishly at Evgeny. “She doesn’t like...most people, actually.” 

Evgeny laughed. “But you, you’re so social.” He teased. Nicky’s face soured and he shook his head. 

“I didn’t say I disagreed.” He said blandly. Alex laughed, clapping Nicky on the shoulder. 

In the locker room, Hanna pointed at Andre. He waved at her, blowing a kiss. Nicky tried to show her how to do the same, moving her little hand to her mouth and then out. Instead, she blew a raspberry against her palm and smiled when Nicky laughed at her. 

“I can’t believe she’s almost a year old.” Tom said, coming close to make faces at her. “She’s so big now.” 

Hanna frowned at him sternly, or as sternly as one could frown with chubby cheeks. She broke into a grin when Tom frowned exaggeratedly back at her. “Can you say Tom?” He asked. 

“No!” She declared, giggling happily when Nicky threw his head back in laughter and Tom gaped at her wordlessly. 

“She’s never said that before.” Nicky managed, scrubbing a hand across his face and trying to compose himself. 

“Always say no to Wilso, ok?” Alex told her, squeezing her hand. “Always a good idea.” 

Hanna was passed to Andre and she smiled back at him as he spoke Swedish to her. “Has she said anything in Swedish yet?” He asked. 

“Not yet.” Nicky said. “She really only says our names so far.” 

Andre set Hanna down and she took a few steps holding his hands until she reached the bench, which she used to walk around the locker room. Nicky watched carefully, but didn’t move to follow her. She eyed a few of the players warily, but seemed to recognize TJ. 

“Hi, Hanna.” He waved at her. “Nice jersey.” 

She stared up at him for a long moment before continuing down the bench towards him. He picked her up when she put her hand on his leg. 

“You are so big!” He praised her with a smile. “You should come play with my girls. They miss you.” He tickled her belly and she laughed brightly. 

Nicky nodded. “I was thinking of taking her to the zoo soon if the weather is nice. You guys should come.” 

“Yeah, that would be great. Text me, Lauren will love that.” 

“Can we come?” Andre asked, looking up with wide eyes. 

“Sure.” Nicky agreed easily. “But I’m not pulling you in a wagon.”

Andre pretended to look upset and Tom patted his back. “I’ve got you.” He assured him, laughing. 

Hanna wasn’t scared of the arena during games, she wasn’t scared of the vacuum cleaner, and she wasn’t scared of dogs. But she was scared of thunder. 

Alex woke up to a late night thunderstorm and the sound of Hanna crying for her papa through the monitor. Nicky climbed out of bed with a weary sigh and Alex dozed for a while until he realized that he hadn’t returned. He pushed aside the covers and stumbled across the hall to the nursery, surprised to find it empty. He continued downstairs, where a single lamp illuminated the living room and Nicky and Hanna were cuddled together on the couch. 

“Scared of storms?” Alex guessed, sinking into the sofa beside him. 

Nicky nodded, patting Hanna’s back. “I guess so.” He whispered back. 

Outside, there was a flash of lightning and a nearly simultaneous crack of thunder, loud enough to shake the windows. Hanna whimpered quietly and Nicky rocked her side to side, humming a few bars of a lullaby. 

Alex turned on the TV to check the weather. There was a second band of storms just outside the city. Nicky slumped against him. “Guess it’ll be a long night.” He muttered. “You should go back to bed.” 

Alex nodded, but didn’t move. He should go get more sleep, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay there, with Nicky a sleepy weight against his side and Hanna little and cuddled up close, forever. 

Alex pulled Nicky closer, kissing his head and smiling when Hanna grabbed a tiny hand tight to his shirt, holding him in place. Nicky looked down at it and then up at Alex, smiling. “I guess you’re stuck here.”

“Worse places to be stuck.” Alex said easily, relaxing back into the cushions and kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Maybe he’d fall asleep on the couch; it would make him sore, but he liked the thought of it anyway. 

He must have dozed. Next thing he knew, Nicky was gently herding him upstairs, careful not to wake Hanna as she slept in his arms, drooling against his chest. Alex poured himself into bed and was most of the way asleep when Nicky wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.


	7. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I’ve been traveling and have spotty internet. I’ll do my best to get the next chapter up in a timely manner! Almost to the end!

Texts gave way to phone calls as May grew closer, and Alex started to get use to the sound of Nicky pacing the hallway as he talked to his family. Alex downloaded a Swedish app to his phone, but so far he and Hanna had only learned hej (hello). 

Some people became outwardly angry when they were stressed, but Nicky had always internalized it. Alex remembered Nicky in their first few years together, with bags under his eyes and chewing through his mouthguards by the end of the seasons. Stress made Alex unable to sit still, made him feel like he had to do something to wear himself out. Nicky started to have trouble sleeping, tossing and turning all night even when Hanna didn’t wake up. 

“You ok?” Alex asked after Nicky got off the phone. His face was pinched and his cheeks flushed pink. 

“Fine.” Nicky lied. He took a breath. “Can you watch Hanna while I go run?” 

“Sure.” Alex agreed. 

Nicky forced a smile. “Thank you.” 

Hanna had learned about windows in the past few days. She was proficient at pulling herself up, and the low windows in the living room that overlooked the backyard were the perfect height for her to stand at and press her face against the glass. There was a collage of dried drool that showed her progress from pane to pane. 

“You want to go outside?” Alex offered. She held up her hands to him, promptly falling back on her bottom. “We go outside.” 

Alex padded out onto the patio barefoot and Hanna looked delighted by all the birds and the rabbits playing along the back fence. She clapped her hands and giggled as they jumped at each other. 

“Papa needs to get you a swing.” Alex said, setting her down in the grass. He figured black leggings couldn’t get too grass stained. She took off crawling towards the rabbits, making a sad noise when they darted back through the fence. “Say bye-bye.” He encouraged her. 

“No.” 

Alex fought back a smile. “Fine, be mean.” He sat down at the edge of the patio, waving his hand at him. 

Hanna scowled at him and continued to try to crawl across the yard. Alex watched carefully, trying to let her explore without him hovering over her. 

“Sasa! Sasa, sasa!” She called, over halfway to the back fence. Alex ambled over to her and she held up a green leaf she had picked up from the ground. 

“Very pretty.” He smiled at her. She looked at it thoughtfully and quickly shoved it into her mouth. Alex moved to grab it and she spat it out, making a sour face. “Not so good, huh? Look like your papa eating salad.” 

“No.” 

“Right, we don’t eat plants.” Well, that wasn’t quite true. “Don’t eat...don’t eat yard things, ok?”

Hanna looked at him skeptically and held her hands up. Alex swooped her up and swung her upside down, grinning when she let loose a peal of laughter. They spent a while longer in the backyard, Alex carrying Hanna around to see the trees and the flowers that were starting to bloom.

Alex had just put Hanna in her high chair attached to the breakfast bar while he made lunch when the garage door opened and Nicky came in. Alex glanced over his shoulder, pausing what he was doing to admire Nicky as he stripped his shirt off over his head. 

“Good run?” Alex asked. 

Nicky shrugged, breathing heavily as he filled a glass with water and took a big gulp. Alex put the baking dish in the oven and leaned against the counter to watch him. Nicky flushed easily, especially when he exercised. His hair was tangled and wet, a disheveled mess once he took his hat off. 

“Are you making lunch?” Nicky asked, eyes fixed on the floor. 

“Broccoli chicken casserole. With cauliflower.” Alex said. Nicky wrinkled his nose instinctively and Alex laughed. “And lots of cheese.” He assured him. 

“Thank you.” 

“I know you hate broccoli.” Alex teased. 

Nicky made a face. “I don’t hate it.” He said, bordering on petulant. 

“Don’t like it.” 

“Does anyone?” Nicky asked. 

Alex smiled. “Maybe not.” He allowed. “Hanna tried to eat leaf.” He told him. 

Nicky finally looked up, curious. “A leaf?” 

“We go to play in the yard. She didn’t like it.” 

“I bet.” Nicky smiled wryly. He looked at Hanna, who was more playing with the small broccoli pieces Alex had given her than eating them. “You like those?”

“No!” 

“No? Did you try?” Nicky said, sitting down beside her and trying to take a piece.

“No!” She grabbed it and shoved it in her mouth, screwing her face up. She spat it back out, drooling bits of green broccoli back onto the counter. 

Nicky bit his lip to hide a smile. “I know, it’s not my favorite either.” He told her. “But it’s good, makes you grow big and strong, ok?” 

“No.” She pouted. 

“Is that your favorite word?” 

“No.”

“Oh, ok.” Nicky shared a smile with Alex. “I’m going to go shower, ok?”

“Good, you stink.” Alex teased. 

Even after running, Nicky was still bubbling with stress. Alex could read it in the wrinkle between his eyebrows, the way he pushed his food around his plate more than he ate it, the tension in his shoulders. Nicky was a champagne bottle with the cork ready to pop. 

Hanna went down for her nap and Alex pulled Nicky into his arms on the couch. “What your parents say this morning?” He asked. 

Nicky blew out a long breath. “They’re upset about not coming for Hanna’s birthday. They said...said it’s not fair, for your parents to be there.” 

Alex hugged him. “They don’t act fair, things not fair.” 

“I know.” Nicky closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I tried to tell them Hanna is very shy, and she doesn’t like a lot of new people…”

“They didn’t like that?”

“They didn’t like that.” Nicky nodded. “They said it’s my fault she does that. That...that I never did that.” 

“All babies do that.” Alex said. He especially had a hard time picturing a young Nicklas Backstrom being anymore outgoing than his daughter was, but maybe he was. 

“I know.” Nicky looked up. “Kris’s kids do it too, but they’ve met their grandparents more than once, so…” he shrugged. 

“You still want them to come?” 

Nicky nodded. “They’re mad at me, but they shouldn’t be mad at Hanna. S’not her fault.” 

“Not your fault, either.” Alex pointed out. 

“I know but...I could’ve told them, I guess.” He lowered his voice. “I didn’t tell them I was adopting…didn’t tell them I’m gay….maybe-’” 

“Not your fault.” Alex repeated firmly, holding him tighter. 

Nicky smiled at him wearily. “Thank you.”

Nicky had originally planned a small trip to the zoo with the Oshies and it turned into an Ordeal in the best ways possible. Jokingly, Alex referred to it as the Caps Zoo Day and Andre made a hashtag about it. Andre, Tom, and Evgeny came. John Carlson brought his son, and so did Jay Beagle. Braden and his family joined them too. Nicky looked slightly bewildered at the size of their group after they’d all assembled inside the front entrance. 

The good thing was, it looked like a team outing and no one would question why Alex was always hanging around Nicky. And there was plenty of adult supervision for the children, even though Andre and Tom probably required the most watching. Tom had already fallen and scrapped his knee, which prompted a lot of sorting through diaper bags to find the appropriate bandaids. Tom gamely let Luca and Lyla each pick one for him- one had kittens and the other dinosaurs. 

“Sasha.” Nicky grabbed Alex’s sleeve and tugged to get his attention. Looking up, Alex smiled and absolutely melted at the sight of Lyla and Leni holding Hanna’s hands to help her walk down the sidewalk ahead of them.

“Oh, so cute.” Alex said softly. To the side, TJ was taking a video. 

“Yeah.” Nicky was smiling, his face soft and in awe. The moment was interrupted when Hanna tripped and all three girls fell. Lyla popped up quickly and tried to help the two littler girls, but the youngest was not so easily consoled. 

“Papa!” Hanna turned to look for him. “Papa?” She said between sobs. Nicky picked her up, bouncing her gently. 

“Hi there.” He said quietly, his eyes fixed on his daughter like he couldn’t see anything else. “You were walking so good.” 

Hanna held up her hand, sniffling, and Alex could see a red scrape on her palm. Nicky kept talking, switching to Swedish, as he looked at her hand and pressed a tender kiss to it. Hanna wrapped an arm around his neck loosely, hugging him. 

Over Nicky’s shoulder, she saw Alex. “Sasa?” She held out her hand towards him. 

“You want Sasha to kiss it too?” Nicky asked. Alex tried to keep his face from doing anything ridiculous, but he could hear Andre taking pictures and he knew he wasn’t doing a good job. 

Alex made a loud kissing sound when he kissed her hand, making Hanna giggle and hide her face against Nicky’s neck. 

“So silly.” He teased her. She lifted her face and Alex kissed her cheek so she would giggle again. “Best baby.” 

By the end of the day, the kids weren’t the only ones who were red-faced and exhausted. When they finally reached the car, Nicky collapsed into the front seat and closed his eyes. Alex could see a sunburn forming on his upper arms in the gap between his short sleeves and sunscreen and across the bridge of his nose, where he’d rubbed it off. Wordlessly, Alex turned the AC up and pointed the vent over at him.

Nicky and Hanna were both quiet on the way home, but only Hanna fell asleep. 

“Zoo makes her tired.” Alex said when they got home. 

Nicky carefully undid her car seat straps and lifted her to his chest. “She walked a lot.” 

“Gonna do it herself soon.” Alex nodded. 

“I know.” Nicky’s mouth twitched in a frown. “She’s growing up so fast.” 

“More fun now, doesn’t sleep all day.” Alex said, a hand at the small of Nicky’s back to steer him into the house. 

Nicky smiled, rubbing his hand across Hanna’s back when she whined quietly. “I know. She has so much...so much personality now.” 

“Turning into little person.” Alex agreed. Hanna yawned and tucked her face in against Nicky’s neck. “Sleepy little person.” 

Nicky hummed a lullaby under his breath as he carried her inside. “Should I wake her up, you think?” Hanna had taken her afternoon nap, but she hadn’t slept long; there had been too much to look at and too much excitement at the zoo. 

“Maybe won’t sleep so good tonight if she sleeps now.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too.” Nicky agreed. “Hanna…” He cooed, bouncing her gently. 

She whined and pressed her face against his chest. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” Nicky apologized. “You didn’t sleep enough, huh?”

Nicky sat down on the floor beside the couch, rattling a toy to try to intrigue Hanna out of his arms. 

“No.” She grouched, shaking her head. 

Nicky rolled his eyes and tossed the toy away. “Ok.” He smiled at her, brushing her hair back off her face. “We might have to do something with your hair. Do you want...I don’t know, the little...tails?” He looked at Alex for help. Hanna stared at him blankly, eyes heavy. 

Alex shrugged. “With the little bands?” He clarified. 

“Yeah.”

“I think tails is right. I don’t know.” He hedged, settling on the couch and letting his hand come to rest on Nicky’s shoulder. 

Alex turned on the TV. Nicky eventually scooted up onto the couch, laying down with his head on Alex’s thigh and Hanna on his chest. Nicky rested his hands on her back and both Backstroms fell asleep within minutes. 

Alex sent pictures to the #CapsZooDay text group Andre had created. He smiled at the string of emojis that everyone sent back, and then pictures of the kids (and Tom) passed out at home. 

The next day, they were on the plane to New York to finish out the season. Nicky had been quiet all morning, purple bags under his eyes. He’d been up late the night before talking with his mother. 

He stayed quiet through practice, dinner with the team, and going to bed. In the morning, he didn’t look any more well rested than he had when they fell asleep. His eyes were squinting and his whole face drawn in an expression of discomfort. 

“Headache?” Alex guessed. 

“I’m fine.” Nicky said, shrugging away his concern. 

“Nicky…” Alex poked his side. “Talk to me.” 

“I’m fine.” Nicky repeated sharply. “I’m going to shower.” He disappeared into the bathroom without another word. The door closed firmly behind him, leaving Alex feeling annoyed, worried, and annoyed he was worried. 

Nicky sat by himself on the bus to the rink and didn’t talk at all through morning skate, unless he absolutely had to. He avoided Alex until they returned to the hotel, when he followed Alex back to their room, getting confused when Alex didn’t stop at the same door. 

“Do you…” His voice came out weakly and he cleared his throat. “Do you not want to…”

“Thought maybe you want space.” Alex said, unable to keep his irritation out of his tone. He held up the keycard to his room, right next door. Nicky blinked thickly, lips parted as he stared at him blankly. “No, I...I’m sorry. I- you don’t have to- if you want to-“ Nicky floundered, a hand coming to rest on the doorframe to steady himself. 

“Nicky…” Alex softened, any annoyance draining away as Nicky stumbled over his words, pale cheeks rapidly turning pink. 

“I’m sorry.” Nicky turned back to his door, shoulders hunched and dropping his room key as he fumbled with it. “I can- you should- if you want. I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry.” He stooped to pick it up and swayed when he stood, still unable to open the door. 

Alex ached for him. “You’re a mess.” He said tenderly, flipping the keycard in Nicky’s hands and unlocking the door for him. “What’s wrong?” 

Nicky bit his lip, toeing off his shoes deliberately and nudging them into the corner. “Just a headache.” He admitted. “You should sleep in here. If you want.” He added quickly. 

“I want.” Alex assured him, settling his hands on Nicky’s hips. “You tell me when you don’t feel good, ok?” 

“I’m-“

“Nicky.” Alex said sternly. 

“I’ll tell you.” Nicky gave him a ghost of a smile, closing the distance between them to wrap his arms around Alex’s middle. 

“Good.” Alex rubbed his back. “Sleep, ok? Get lots of sleep, score lots of points.” 

Nicky snorted, not letting go for a long moment. “Ok.” He agreed. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“Love you too. Love you so much.” Alex promised. 

To his credit, Nicky did tell Alex before the game started. “I still have a headache.” He said, eyes fixed on the floor. Nicky wouldn’t say migraine. 

“You good to play?” Alex asked, careful to keep his voice low. He bumped their knees together as they sat in the locker room. 

“I think so. It’s just the headache right now.” Nicky assured him. “I’ve had worse.” That wasn’t particularly reassuring. 

By the end of the game, Nicky was obviously hurting, enough that the boys were starting to notice. Between shifts, he kept his head down on the bench. When he got hit, it seemed to take him a half-second longer to recover. When the home team scored and the buzzer sounded, Alex could see him gritting his teeth.

They managed to cling to a one goal lead; Alex would’ve hated to make Nicky go to overtime. In the last few minutes of the third, Nicky blocked a shot off his hip and went straight down the tunnel. Alex watched him go worriedly, the bench going unnervingly quiet behind him. He pushed his concern aside and tried his best to rouse them. 

Alex had media obligations afterwards. After the press left he showered and changed, quietly slipped out of the room to the medical facilities. 

Nicky was down to his under armor, his uniform piled by the foot of the exam table. He was sitting on the edge of the table, head in his hands. Someone had thought to give him a puke bag and it was clutched tight in one fist. “Hej.” Alex said softly. 

Nicky barely lifted his head. “Hej.” 

Alex didn’t ask if he was ok, that seemed like a dumb question. “I'll help you shower.” He promised. 

“Ok.” Nicky mumbled. He was limping slightly, leaning into Alex’s side as they trudged down the hallway. 

The locker room was still noisy when they entered, but Alex leveled them all with a significant look and they fell quiet. “Shower.” He reminded Nicky, tugging him by the arm towards the showers. 

Alex started the water and helped Nicky undress, kissing his bare shoulder and hugging him while he waited for the water to get warm. “Poor Nicky.” He whispered, kissing his bare skin again. 

Nicky shut his eyes. “Dizzy.” He warned Alex quietly. 

“Won’t let you fall.” Alex promised.

Everyone else was done showering and Alex took advantage of the empty showers, kissing Nicky’s bruises including one high on his hip from the blocked shot, as he cleaned him. Nicky kept his eyes closed, one hand gripping tight to Alex’s arm, the other splayed against the wall to hold himself still. 

Afterwards, Alex helped him dry off, gently toweling off his head, careful not to jostle him. There were still a few stragglers left in the locker room when they went back but they fell silent quickly. Alex frowned and they hurried out of the room, except for Andre. 

“Here, let me help.” He said quietly, throwing Nicky’s things into his bag while Alex helped Nicky get dressed; the blond was trying for stoical, but his palor and unsteadiness gave him away. 

They made it out to the bus easily enough, Nicky claiming the first seat and holding his head in his hands. The ride was much quieter than normal and Alex smiled to himself; they really did have the best team. 

On the plane, Nicky was starting to look worse, like whatever medicine he’d been given was wearing off. He closed his eyes and gripped Alex’s hand tight as they took off, his palms clammy. He leaned forward, breathing fast and irregularly. “Nicky?” Alex whispered. 

Nicky covered his face with his hands. Alex could hear hushed whispers around them, could feel people staring. Alex rubbed a hand up his arm uselessly, unable to do anything useful. He frowned at Vrana and Djoos over Nicky’s shoulder, until they ducked their heads and went back to playing on their phones. 

“Bathroom?” Alex asked. 

Nicky nodded tersely and let Alex pull him up from his seat and shuffle him down the aisle. Nicky disappeared into the bathroom and Alex was left standing outside the door awkwardly. 

He checked his texts and scrolled through his phone, until he’d been standing there long enough he was starting to get worried. He rapped his knuckles against the door and moments later it unlocked. He slid the door opened and stepped in, pulling it shut behind him. 

The bathroom was cramped and Nicky was kneeling on the floor, elbows on the toilet seat and his head in his hands. Alex rubbed his back. “What do you need?” 

“You could knock me out.” Nicky grimaced, his voice thready as he attempted humor. 

“Might scare the children.” Alex teased, carding his fingers through his hair. Nicky’s eyes fluttered shut at the gesture. 

“You don’t have to be here.” He said, trying to control his breathing. 

“You want me to leave?” 

“...no.” Nicky admitted quietly. He swallowed hard, somehow going more pale. “But if you don’t want to...this is kind of gross.” Nicky swallowed again, closing his eyes as his fingers gripped the toilet tighter. 

“Definitely gross.” Alex agreed fondly, his hand settling in the middle of his back. “But, love you, so it’s ok.” 

“Thank you.” Nicky managed before leaning forward and retching again, coughing up nothing but bile. 

Alex pulled his hair back from his forehead and waited until he stopped gagging. Nicky groaned and covered his eyes, slumping forward weakly. “Fuck.” He whispered, rubbing at his face. 

“I can get doctor?” Alex offered. 

“No.” Nicky said faintly. “Help me up?” 

Alex helped him to his feet, running his hand up and down his back as Nicky leaned his forehead on Alex’s shoulder. “Dizzy?”

“S’fine.” One of Nicky’s hands slipped around Alex’s waist, fingers gripping tight to Alex’s shirt. Alex stayed still. “M’fine.” 

Alex guided him back to their seats, shaking off worried looks from their teammates. Nicky fell asleep with his head leaning against the window, his eye mask pulled snug over his face. Alex settled in the seat beside him and traced his hand up and down his thigh absently as he played on his phone. 

Nicky slept through landing, through everyone standing up to get their things, and through the first two shakes of Alex’s hand on his bicep. He pushed his mask down around his neck, blinking at Alex a few times before recognition flickered in his eyes. “Where…?” He rasped. 

Alex smiled sympathetically. “Home.”

“Oh. Right.” Nicky nodded slowly. 

“Feel better?” 

“Yeah.”

“But not good?” Alex checked, as Nicky stumbled into the aisle. 

“Not good.” Nicky agreed, muddled. 

Andre hung back and helped Alex guide Nicky to their seats in the front of the bus, while Nicky steadfastly pretended he did not need the assistance. Nicky dozed on the way to the arena and was benignly bleary-eyed in the parking lot, enough that he let Tom and Evgeny take his bags from him without protest. 

Alex felt his heart clinch in his chest at the sight of Andre tucking himself along Nicklas’s side and guiding him towards the car, quickly removing him from the curious eyes of the rest of the team. 

It was nearly one in the morning when they got home, Hanna was still with Alex’s parents for the night. Nicky collapsed into bed stiffly, groaning and burying his face in his pillow. He let Alex pull him into his arms, his limbs heavy and limp like an oversized rag doll. Alex kissed his forehead. “You need anything?”

“No.” Nicky shook his head once, relaxing back against his chest. 

“What about medicine?” Alex prodded 

“Yeah, sure.” He was being too agreeable to actually feel well, Alex decided. 

“Ok, just a minute.” He slipped out of bed, grabbing medicine and a bottle of water before returning. Normally, Alex wouldn’t be able to go to sleep immediately upon returning home, normally he liked to tidy up or watch something mindless on TV, but he couldn’t resist Nicky snuggled up in bed. 

By morning, Nicky was nearly back to normal, though a touch quieter, a bit more careful. He looked thoughtful, turning something over in his head all through breakfast. Alex chatted about whatever crossed his mind and Nicky made noises like he was listening, but he didn’t contribute much. 

He finally said something when they got in the car. “I get headaches when I don’t sleep enough, sometimes.” He shared as Alex turned onto a busy street. 

Alex nodded, eyes on the road. “That makes sense.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky swallowed and nodded, turning his head to look out the window. “I’m just...everything with my parents is so...stressful.” He admitted in undertones, voice almost lost to the ambient noise of driving, the quiet music from the radio. 

“I know.” Alex wanted to hold him or kiss him, but he couldn’t, not yet. “What can I do to help?

Nicky smiled at him shyly and shook his head. “You already help more than enough.” He said warmly. 

“Nicky…”

“I’m ok. You’re...this is more than I ever thought...thank you. Just, thank you.” Nicky ducked his head, hiding his face from Alex’s line of sight. Still, Alex could make out the way his cheeks rose in a smile. 

“Ok. You need anything, you ask, ok? Not going anywhere.” He squeezed Nicky’s knee. 

“Thank you.” Nicky said gratefully, looking almost bashful. 

Tatiana took one look at Nicky, still pale and ragged looking, and frowned. “What’s wrong? You sick?” She asked.

“I’m ok.” Nicky promised. 

She rolled her eyes and pressed a hand to his forehead; Nicky knew better than to pull away. She hummed to herself. “Come eat. Both of you need food.” She chided, urging them towards the kitchen. 

Hanna was already in her high chair and Tatiana set about making omelettes, enlisting Alex to finish chopping the vegetables. Nicky and Mikhail sat with Hanna, who was looking at the greens in front of her with great suspicion. 

Alex heard giggling and turned around to watch Hanna take a bite of broccoli and screw up her face dramatically. Nicky was taking a video on his phone and Mikhail laughed harder as Hanna shook her head at the taste, spitting it out and scowling at him. 

Tatiana nudged Alex to get his attention, passing him a freshly made omelette. _“Is he sick?”_ She asked quietly. 

_“Stressed.”_

She hummed. _“About his parents?”_

 _“Yeah.”_

She glanced back at Nicky and sighed. _“I know he wouldn’t like it, but I wish I could talk to them.”_ She shook her head. _“He’s a good man, good father, and they will be sad they missed this.”_ In the background, Hanna was giggling again, broccoli betrayal forgotten. 

_“I know.”_

She shook her head. _“I would never- I can’t even think of something you could do that I-“_ She cut herself off and smiled fondly at Alex. _“You could marry him and then I’ll be his mother too.”_ She teased, smiling mischievously as Alex’s ears grew hot. 

_“Mama…”_ Alex complained without real intent. 

_“What? He’s good for you. He makes you smile.”_

_“It’s complicated, you know that.”_

She sighed. _“I know. I wish it wasn’t.”_

Alex nodded in agreement, leaning against the counter and watching Nicky try to teach Hanna to point to her nose. He would marry Nicky in a heartbeat, but they still couldn’t tell everyone, they still couldn’t be themselves. 

The next day, the team was being cautious around Nicky and he noticed it immediately. He gave Alex a pleading look, but Alex only shrugged; he couldn’t help that they were worried about him. Nicky frowned at Jakob when he caught him watching him carefully and he sighed loudly when Andre did the same. 

Finally, Nicky cleared his throat. “I have a video of Hanna eating broccoli. Do you want to see?” He said to Andre to distract him, loudly enough that a few others heard as well. 

Almost everyone, if turned out, wanted to see Hanna eat broccoli and they crowded around Nicky to watch the video on his phone. Alex smiled, changing into his gear slowly, listening. He’d seen the video a few times already; Nicky had replayed it after Hanna had gone to bed. 

“Oh my god, I know she’s adopted, but dude, she looks just like you.” John said, clapping Nicky on the shoulder. “That face, that’s pure Backy.” 

“I don’t make a face.” Nicky protested, though he looked pleased at the comparison. 

“Yeah, you kinda do. A lot.” TJ teased, leaning against Nicky and pressing play to watch the video again. “She’s precious.” 

“Thanks.” Nicky watched the video fondly. “She’s great.” 

“Walking yet?” TJ asked. “She looked really close at the zoo.” 

“Not yet. She still has to hold something.” 

TJ nodded. “I fucking cried when Lyla learned to walk.” He admitted candidly. “I thought she wouldn’t be my little girl anymore, you know?” Braden nodded knowingly. “But, it really just meant she could get into a lot more shit.” He finished with a laugh. 

“How old was she?”

“13 months for Lyla and...15 for Leni.” TJ said. “But, Hanna might go sooner. My niece started walking when she was 9 months old.” 

“Oh, wow. That’s young.”

“Yeah. And she was, like, fast, you know?” 

Nicky nodded, smiling and replaying the video again. TJ fell quiet, watching Nicky watch the clip. “You’re a really good dad, you know that?” 

“Well, I’ve had Andre for a while now.” Nicky deadpanned. “I thought an infant might be easier.” 

Andre swatted at Nicky and everyone else burst into laughter. Alex watched as Nicky looped Andre into a one-armed hug and squeezed him close, whispering something in Swedish to him as he did. Andre made a face but relaxed against his side, basking in all the attention. 

After a while, Alex decided he should do something to get them moving. The playoffs were starting soon, after all. “Hanna gonna be skating before you go practice!” He said, clapping his hands to get their attention. “C’mon.” Everyone hurried to finish changing, except Nicky, who watched the video again fondly. 

Alex sat down heavily beside him. “Think you get to be late?” He teased, brushing his nose against Nicky’s cheek. Nicky hadn’t been late in 11 years, Alex didn’t think he would start now. 

“I thought there was going to be some benefit to sleeping with my captain.” Nicky said, a flirty edge to his voice that went straight to Alex’s gut. Nicky looked at him through his lashes, a glimmer in his eyes that said he knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Brat.” Alex pushed his arm playfully. “Get dressed.” 

“You gonna help?” Nicky asked, standing up so he loomed over Alex, broad and thick with muscle; Alex would be lying if he said that didn’t work for him. 

“Oh my god, don’t.” Tom said, sounding moderately distraught but still smiling. 

Nicky laughed and turned pink, ducking his head and covering his mouth. “Sorry.” He apologized, eyes sparkling with mirth. 

“You’re not, but it’s fine.” Tom grinned, shoving Nicky’s shoulder. 

On the ice, everyone was in high spirits. Alex loved the sound of laughter and chirps echoing in the rink almost as much as he loved the sound of the puck hitting the blade of his stick. It felt different this season, but maybe it felt different every season. 

Alex was different this year, and so was Nicky. They’d lost so many different times, so many different ways over the years. It played at the back of Alex’s mind like a montage. Year after year, he had more wrinkles, more gray hair and nothing to show for it. 

Not nothing, he corrected himself. He had family and Nicky, he had Hanna. He had a team of people he couldn’t imagine life without and he had accolades, but he just didn’t have the one that he desperately wanted. 

Nicky sidled up alongside Alex at the start of freeskate, his helmet tucked under his arm and hair falling out from behind his ears. “I sent my parents the video of Hanna.” He said quietly. 

Alex nodded. “Yeah? They say anything?” 

“Not yet.” Nicky had sent photos and videos at least weekly since she was born, that Alex knew of, but they had never acknowledged them before. It made Alex see red to think of them ignoring Hanna, ignoring their granddaughter; ignoring Nicky, who tried so hard. “They said they wanted to visit though, so…” Nicky shrugged and offered a hopeful smile. 

“Their loss if they don’t.” Alex looped an arm around Nicky and squeezed him tight. 

“Thanks. Get off.” Nicky laughed, struggling away from him and skating off to hipcheck a distracted Andre into the boards. 

That night, after they brushed their teeth, Nicky crawled into bed beside Alex, wrapping his arms around his middle and hooking his chin over his shoulder. “I’m going to build a swing set for Hanna’s birthday.” 

“Build?” Alex asked, raising his eyebrows. “Can’t you buy box?” 

Nicky shrugged. “I want to build it.” 

“Ok.” Alex agreed. “You know how?”

“Yeah.” Nicky assured him, seemingly confidant. “It’ll be good.” 

They played Columbus two days later and Nicky tallied a goal, an assist, and very nearly a fight after someone slammed Andre into the boards after the whistle. Alex could only watch from the bench as TJ grabbed Nicky at the last minute, hauling him back as he shouted angrily. Andre was uninjured, but shaken, and Nicky was livid. 

After the second period, Alex lingered in the hallway to watch Nicky fuss over Andre, cupping his chin in his hand and tilting his head to examine the cut along his jawline. Andre whined at Nicky in plaintive Swedish and Nicky frowned. 

“Should have been a double minor, at least. Maybe kick him out of the game.” Nicky grossed, catching Alex watching him. 

“Definitely double minor.” Alex agreed. 

“At least.” Nicky said, narrowing his eyes. “Are you ok?” He asked Andre. Based on the younger man’s heavy sigh, Alex guessed it was not the first time Nicky had asked him that. 

“Papa, I’m fine.” He promised. 

Nicky paused, looking contemplative, dropping his hand to Andre’s arm. “Do you want to get ice cream, after?” He asked, maybe teasing, maybe just being Nicky. 

Either way Andre finally broke into a smile. “Can we?” He asked Nicky in disbelief. He looked over at Alex. “You can come too.” He offered. 

Alex laughed. “Of course.” 

Afterwards, they found an ice cream parlor and settled on one of the benches outside, away from the crowd and hopefully avoiding scrutiny in a city they’d lost in. 

Two bites in, Nicky got distracted. “Oh, my parents texted me. About the broccoli video.” He tacked on at their confused looks. 

“Really?” Alex asked, surprised. 

“Was it ok?” Andre asked. 

“Yeah.” Nicky smiled at his bowl of ice cream. “My mom said I hated broccoli when I was a baby too.” He said softly, pleased in a way that radiated through him like a warm glow. 

“That’s nice she said something.” Andre said, knocking their shoulders together companionably. Alex squeezed the blond’s knee. 

“I wasn’t sure if they would.” Nicky admitted. 

“Hanna too cute to resist.” Alex said with a smile, which grew broader when Nicky laughed, his teeth white and a dollop of whip cream on his nose. 

Alex had almost forgotten about building a swing set until Nicky decided they needed to go to the hardware store the morning after they returned home, with two losses that stung sharply. “You know what you need?” Alex asked, looking skeptical. 

Nicky presented him with a napkin from the plane, where he’d drawn a rough sketch of a swing set. There was a list alongside side it, though it was mostly numbers and honestly, Alex wasn’t sure he could decipher it. “Yeah. I have a plan.” He assured him. 

It was possible there were still things Nicky could do about which Alex had no idea, he admitted to himself as he followed Nicky through the store. Nicky pointed to stacks of wood and Alex obediently picked out pieces, while Hanna was in her baby carrier on Nicky’s chest, one hand tangled in his hair. Nicky added metal brackets, a box of bolts, and drill bits to the flat cart, humming to Hanna when she started to squirm. 

Alex, it turned out, had never really looked at Nicky’s garage. He knew there was a long work bench along the back wall, with the normal assortment of tools one accumulated owning a home. He’d never given much thought to the drawers and cabinets underneath. “You know how to make things like this?” Alex asked skeptically, as Nicky pulled a cover off a large saw at one end of the table and plugged it in. 

Nicky smiled at him reassuringly. “Yeah.” He nodded, passing Alex a pair of clear safety glasses and putting on another pair. “Wear these.” 

Alex stood off to the side, watching as Nicky started cutting the lumber with intense focus. Alex held the monitor in his hand, half-watching the video as Hanna napped. He leaned against the wall, mulling over his thoughts. When the sound of the saw died down, he cleared his throat. “How you learn how to do...all this?” 

Nicky blew away sawdust and flipped his glasses up the top of his head, smiling at him. With his sleeves rolled up, he looked like a fantasy Alex never realized he’d held. Nicky shrugged. “My dad. He wanted me to…he said it was good to be able to make things. He got me a job as a carpenter.” 

“Is this why you are so good at the Ikea things?” Alex teased. 

Nicky rolled his eyes. “In Sweden, we learn Ikea in preschool.” Alex laughed and Nicky continued. “No, but it’s nice to make things.”

“You make other things?” Alex asked, curious. 

Nicky nodded. “The little tables by the couch in the living room. And the rocking chair in Hanna’s room.” 

Alex’s eyes widened. “You made a rocking chair?” He asked, impressed. 

Nicky smiled sheepishly, shrugging one shoulder. “I had a lot of spare time.” He said. “I needed something to do with my hands.” 

Alex read between the lines. “Oh, Nicky…” He sighed. “You made a sad chair?” 

“What? No. No, it’s…” Nicky trailed off before cracking a lopesided grin. “Ok, maybe. But...it’s Hanna’s now. And I made it.” Alex could see the sparkle of pride in his eyes. 

“She’ll like it.” 

“She hasn’t complained yet.” Nicky said dryly, grinning when Alex let out a bark of laughter. 

After Hanna’s nap, they took her to a park near Alex’s house that was usually quiet. Nicky set her in the swing and Hanna shrieked with delight when he pushed it high enough, laughter ringing across the playground. Nicky laughed too, unable to contain himself. 

Alex took a video, smiling as he watched. 

When Nicky went to take Hanna from the swing, she shook her head. “No.” She declared. 

Nicky paused. “No?” He squatted down in front of the swing, looking ready to engage in a serious conversation. 

“No.” 

“Ok.” He glanced at Alex and smiled. “I’m going to go see Babushka, with Sasha.” 

Hanna chewed on her hand thoughtfully. “Babu?” 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. “Babushka.” He repeated. 

“Babu.” 

“Yeah. Let’s go see her, ok?” Hanna looked at him solemnly for a moment before holding up her arms. He picked her up and settled her on his hip. Hanna wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a sloppy kiss against his cheek. Nicky kissed her cheek in return. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“Papa.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Sasa?” 

“Sasha is going too.” Nicky agreed easily. Alex blew her a kiss over Nicky’s shoulder and she smiled at him, giggling. 

They had dinner with Alex’s parents. Afterwards, they settled in the living room to talk, coffee in hand. Nicky sat on the floor with Hanna, holding her hands while she stood between his legs. Alex watched as Nicky slowly pulled his fingers back and Hanna was standing on her own. The conversation in the room fell silent as everyone watched, enthralled. Hanna plopped down on her bottom, smiling at Nicky. 

“That was close.” Nicky said to her, looking up at Alex. “Did you see?”

“I saw.” Alex promised. He slid off the couch and moved to sit across from Nicky. “Hanna, come here.” He said, patting his leg. 

Hanna beamed at him and crawled over, climbing up into his lap. Alex lifted her up above his head and gave her kisses until she kicked her feet and laughed. He set her down and helped her stand again. “Ok, now you walk to papa, ok?” 

“Papa!” 

“Exactly. So smart!” Alex praised her. 

Nicky held his hands out towards her. “C’mere, alskling.” 

They all watched with bated breath as Hanna stood, her legs unsteady beneath her. She took one, two, steps before she started to fall. Nicky caught her easily and pulled her into his arms, kissing her cheeks. 

“You’re so big!” He said, voice soft and awed. Alex couldn’t tear his eyes away from Nicky; he was so unguarded, so deeply happy, and Alex wanted to see him look like that forever. “I’m so proud of you.” Nicky whispered, dropping off into Swedish. 

Alex glanced over his shoulder and caught his mother taking a video of the moment. She smiled at him knowingly. 

Hanna didn’t seem to know, or maybe care, that she had accomplished a major milestone. She was content to tangle her hand in the curls at the base of Nicky’s head and blow raspberries against his neck to make him laugh. Nicky did the same to her and she squealed, giggling at him. 

“Can you walk to Babushka?” Nicky asked, helping her balance on her feet. 

“Babu.” 

Tatiana leaned forward, smiling at her. “Come here, Hanna.” She cooed. Hanna smiled widely at her, a little drool on her chin, and took another step before plopping down and crawling the rest of the way. “So big.” Tatiana said, picking her up. “So big now.” 

Hanna pointed to Mikhail and crawled into his lap. He smiled. “You say dedushka?” He asked. 

“De!” 

Mikhail let out a rumbling laugh. “Good, good.” He patted her back. Alex blew her a kiss and she covered her mouth with her hand, blowing a raspberry and then laughing like she’d told a funny joke. Nicky bumped his foot into Alex’s, meeting his eye for a moment. Alex loved him so much, so deeply, and it washed over him like a tidal wave. 

Working on the swing set at nap times or when Alex’s parents had Hanna, it took them over a week to finish it. Alex found he liked it, liked having something to focus on besides all the hockey that still loomed before them. The swing ended up being done the day before her birthday. 

“Looks good.” Alex said, slinging an arm around Nicky’s shoulders. Both of them were sweaty, Alex had already taken off his shirt and Nicky was sunburnt under the flush in his cheeks. Still he was grinning and looked satisfied, his hands dirty and a smear of dirt across the bridge of his nose. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded, pulling off his hat and dragging his fingers through his hair. “Fuck, it’s hot out.” 

Alex chuckled, kissing his cheek. “Little bit.” 

Nicky glanced at him sideways, green eyes seeming a shade darker. “Shower?” He suggested, voice laced with an undercurrent of want. 

Alex kissed him, enjoying the lazy slide of his tongue into Nicky’s mouth, the Swede’s hands coming to trace absent patterns across his sides. Nicky broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Alex’s shoulder. He was close enough that Alex could feel his cock, half hard, against his thigh. 

Alex pushed his leg against him, drawing a soft moan as he did. Nicky mouthed at his clavicle, leaving a string of stinging kisses behind, a few rows of nearly perfect teeth marks. Alex sucked a kiss behind Nicky’s ear. 

“Shower.” Nicky repeated, his voice a bit deeper, more raspy. 

“I’m not stop you.” Alex teased, grinning as Nicky frowned at him. 

“I guess I won’t blow you then.” Nicky said, smirking. 

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Ok, we shower.” 

“S’what I thought.” Nicky muttered, heading inside and trusting Alex to follow him. 

Nicky stripped his shirt off over his head as he entered the house, breathing a sigh of relief as the cool air hit his overwarmed skin. He paused, waiting for Alex to catch up. Alex wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing him and pushing him back against the wall. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “You stink.” He teased, with an impish grin. 

Alex bit his neck, feeling Nicky shudder. “You like it.” He said, biting again. 

“I’d like it better if you were in the shower.”

“Lead the way.” Alex whispered against his skin. Nicky slipped out of his embrace and grabbed him by the hand, pulling him along behind him. Alex went easily, laughing when Nicky stopped at the foot of the stairs to kiss him again. 

When they finally made it to the bathroom, Alex turned on the shower while Nicky wrapped around his shoulders, kissing along the back of his neck and down his spine. Alex playfully shoved him under the water, still in his shorts and socks. 

Nicky sputtered indignantly, his hair sticking to his face. Alex laughed, even after a sopping wet sock hit his face. He shed the rest of his clothes and joined him, kissing that look of his face. Nicky gave a contented sigh and then sunk to his knees. 

Alex tangled his hands in his hair, tugging him close. Nicky went with a groan, kissing the head of Alex’s cock before swallowing it down. Alex fucked into his mouth greedily, until Nicky was choking a bit. Alex pulled back but Nicky gripped him by the back of his thighs, not letting him move. 

Alex moaned as Nicky deepthroated him, eagerly swallowing around him. Alex closed his eyes and let lust well up in him and consume him, his mind wandering and time going indistinct and blurry. Finally, he blinked and pulled harder on the locks twisted around his fingers so that Nicky groaned and it reverberated to Alex’s core. He needed more, he needed to touch more, to feel more. 

He pulled him off his cock by his hair and urged him upright, pinning him against the wall and wrapping a hand around his length and jacking him off. “Fuck, Nicky, your mouth.” He rasped. “Fuck, fuck.” Nicky’s lips were red and swollen. 

Nicky thrust into his hand, letting his head fall back against the tile, water streaming down his face. “Sasha...oh my god.” Nicky gasped as Alex twisted his wrist. Nicky fumbled to grab Alex’s dick and his hand moved in an uneven rhythm, close to the edge already. 

“You like? You like to suck my cock?” Alex asked, biting Nicky’s shoulder. 

“Fuck. Yes. Fuck.” Nicky squirmed, desperate to get closer. Alex loved it; he loved the needy edge to his voice. 

“So easy, Nicky.” Alex growled. “So perfect.” 

“Stop talking and...oh my god.” Nicky gasped, derailed by Alex’s mouth on his nipple, his tongue flirting over the hard tip. “Don’t stop.” 

Alex hummed and kept jerking him off, his cock red and heavy in his hand. Nicky writhed, cut off sounds he could barely restrain slipping past his lips. 

“Sasha...I’m-“

“Yeah. Come on, Nicky.” Alex stroked him a few more times until Nicky came all at once, his knees threatening to buckle as his body pitched forward. Alex supported him, kissing him and hugging him tight. “I got you. I got you.” He whispered. 

Nicky buried his face in Alex’s chest as he panted, his hand slowing to a stop on his cock. Alex let him catch his breath and then he thrust his cock against Nicky’s still hand as a gentle reminder. 

Nicky chuckled. “Sorry, sorry.” He kissed his chest, right above his heart and tightened his hand. 

Alex was close; Alex was so close his skin felt molten and binding. It only took a few more strokes of Nicky’s hand until he came between them, the shower stream washing it away. 

Alex took a deep breath and Nicky wrapped both arms around him, hugging him tight. Alex kissed the side of his head and rocked him gently. “Love you.”

“I love you too.” 

The next day, Hanna turned one. Alex woke up late, surprised he’d missed Nicky and Hanna getting up. He stretched and slowly slid out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before wandering down the hall to find them. 

The nursery was empty and Alex continued downstairs, where he found Nicky and Hanna cuddled up on the couch. Alex smiled when he saw Nicky had Hanna’s baby book in his lap. Alex sank down beside him, smiling as Nicky leaned into his side. 

“Looking at baby pictures?” 

“Look how little she was.” Nicky murmured. “She was so tiny.” 

“Still little.” 

“I know.” Nicky nodded. “I know. It’s...it’s been a year.” 

“Yeah.” 

“It seems so long ago but it went so fast.” Nicky’s voice was soft, vulnerable, and Alex pressed a kiss to his temple. 

“Plenty of time.” 

“I know.” Nicky chuckled, wiping his eyes. “God, sorry.” He sniffled, laughing more.

Alex smiled, fondness soaking him all the way through to his core. “Happy tears?”

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. Hanna reached up and touched his cheek, smiling and showing off her few teeth. “You’re a year old. You’re not a baby now.” 

Alex’s eyes grew misty as Hanna snuggled into Nicky’s chest, her arms looping around his neck and her fingers playing with his hair. He flipped through the first few pages in her baby book, when she was tiny and swaddled and Nicky had permanent bags under his eyes. 

“My parents coming over for breakfast. Mama said she will cook.” Alex reminded him. 

Nicky nodded. “Ok.” He looked at the baby book, smiling. “I love this one.” He said. Alex looked down at the picture he was pointing at; it was from the first time they took Hanna to the zoo, before they’d started dating. 

“Good picture. Very handsome.” Alex teased. 

“Are you talking about me or you?”

“Obviously, both.” Alex laughed. 

The morning was mostly quiet. Alex’s parent’s gave Hanna a few presents to open, mostly so they could watch her tear the wrapping paper. Nicky took her outside to see the swing set and put her in the baby swing. She kicked her feet and laughed, making a string of happy sounds. Alex tickled her feet as she reached the peak of the swing’s arc and she shrieked happily. 

“Think she likes it.” Alex said. Nicky was smiling wide enough to make his cheeks sore, rare dimples showing. “It’s so good.”

“Thank you.” 

All the excitement of the morning meant Hanna didn’t want to take her afternoon nap, even though she was growing increasingly cranky. She sounded exhausted but when Nicky had put her in her crib earlier, she’d stood at the railing calling for her family. Eventually, he’d brought her back downstairs, where she played quietly on the living room rug. After a while, she tried to walk to Tatiana, tripped, and laid her head down on the floor to sob. 

Nicky sighed as he picked her up. “You need to sleep, alskling. You’ll feel better.” He murmured as he patted her back. Nicky looked almost as tired. 

“Papa should take nap too.” Alex smiled. Nicky frowned at him, but it was ruined by a yawn. “See?” 

“Shh.” Nicky shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“Go take nap together.” Alex suggested. Nicky looked skeptical. Alex patted his shoulder, steering him towards the stairs. “I watch, make sure she doesn’t fall.” 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed easy. He carried her and her lovey to the master bedroom, settling down near the middle of the king mattress and letting Hanna curl up in his arms. He rubbed her back until she fell asleep, his own eyes closing not long after. 

Alex stretched out beside them, running his fingers through Nicky’s hair and playing on his phone to pass the time. Nicky woke up after an hour, blinking sleepily as he stirred. 

“Morning.” Alex teased. “Better?”

“Uh huh.” He mumbled, closing his eyes again. “Do we have to get up?”

Alex leaned over and kissed his head. “Not yet.” In her sleep, Hanna burrowed deeper into his arms. Nicky traced his fingers down her back, a wistful look on his face. “This is nice, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nicky whispered. “It is.” 

That afternoon, they had Hanna’s birthday party at the house. It was relatively tame, as far as parties full of hockey players went, and there was cake and kids. 

Hanna made short work of her slice, with icing in her hair, behind her ears, and inexplicably in between her toes. “How did you do that?” Nicky asked her as he wiped her clean. Nicky had a smear of icing on his cheek and Alex would kill the person who tried to tell him about it. 

“Papa!” 

“Yeah, Papa has to clean you off. You’re very sticky.” Nicky explained patiently. 

She frowned. “Sasa?”

“Sasha doesn’t want to hold a sticky baby.”

Hanna’s lip wobbled and she tried to get away from the wash cloth. “Babu?” She asked, voice warbling slightly. 

Nicky looked up at Tatiana, who smiled and held out her hand for the washcloth. Alex watched as his mother efficiently (mercilessly, even) cleaned the icing from Hanna’s ears and the baby squirmed and whined in protest. 

He pulled Nicky close and licked the icing off his cheek. Nicky’s face scrunched up and he gave him a sideways glance. “Why?” He asked, wiping his cheek dry on the back of his hand. 

“Some people think licking icing off is sexy.” Alex pointed out. 

“Maybe if my daughter hadn’t thrown it at my face…” Nicky shrugged, smiling contentedly. 

“So, if I put icing on you? Maybe whip cream? Strawberries?” Alex leaned closer. “What about i-“

“Guys.” Andre interrupted. “Please. There are children.”

Nicky covered his mouth to hide his smile. “You’ve heard worse.” He teased. 

Andre pretended to look upset, but he quickly went back to smiling. Nicky put an arm around his shoulders, so Nicky was sandwiched between Alex and Andre. 

“Is that a hickey- no, I don’t want to ask.” Andre caught himself. 

Nicky blushed and tried to fix the collar of his shirt, until the purple love bite Alex had left behind was mostly hidden. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, ears turning pink. 

Andre rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Anyway we, uh, we all got you something.”

“You didn’t have-“

“We know. I know. But… TJ said the first birthday is really important for the parent, so… and we wanted to.” Andre took a breath. “It’s outside. Out front.” 

Nicky gave Alex a curious look, but he only shrugged; he’d known the boys had been up to something, based on the amount of conversations that abruptly stopped when he walked in, but he’d had no idea what. 

Everyone went out the front door, Andre covering Nicky’s eyes with his hands. Nicky shook him off and frowned at him. “Fine, but you have to cover your eyes.” Andre said. 

Nicky raised his eyebrows. “Have to?” He repeated. 

“Papa…” Andre whined. 

“Fine, fine.” He closed his eyes and covered them. “If you let me fall, I’m disowning you.” He promised, his voice flat and serious. Alex smiled at Andre reassuringly.

Nicky was carefully guided out the front door to the driveway. Alex stopped, stunned, by what he saw. There was a red SUV in parked in front of the house, with a giant gold bow on the hood. He covered his mouth to keep from saying anything. 

“Can I open my eyes now?” Nicky asked, sounding mildly annoyed. 

TJ winked at Andre and tossed him the keys. “Go ahead.” He said with a grin. 

Nicky lowered his hand and his mouth dropped open, eyes wide. He was momentarily speechless and Andre took advantage, hurrying to explain. “We noticed you hadn’t bought a car yet, and so we thought- anyway, we looked and it’s the safest car and there’s lots of airbags and things. There’s a new car seat for Hanna inside. And there’s lots of room for stuff and-“ Nicky hugged him, cutting off the rest of his spiel. 

“Thank you.” Nicky whispered in his ear. “Thank you.” 

Everyone moved closer, clapping Nicky on the back and hugging him. TJ lingered until everyone had started to file back inside. “Burky thought of this, just so you know.” He squeezed Nicky’s arm. “We all pitched in. They’ll mail you the plates and tags soon.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I picked out the car seat. It’s the same kind we have for Leni. It’s great. Eventually, you can turn it around and face forwards, and it kind of grows with them. We really like it.” TJ explained. “I registered the car and the seat for you, too. So, if there’s any recalls or anything they’ll contact you.” 

Nicky nodded, looking down and scrubbing at his eyes quickly. Alex settled his hands on his shoulders, rubbing gently. Nicky looked back at him, eyes a little wet. “Did you know?”

“No idea.” Alex admitted. 

Nicky nodded, looking at Andre again and smiling. Andre smiled back. “You helped me by my first car, so…” Andre shrugged.

Nicky laughed, a little surprised. “You didn’t know anything about airbags then.” He teased. 

“I know, but...Hanna needs a safe car.” Andre said before he grinned. “Lots of room for hockey gear in the back, if she plays.”

Nicky shook his head, still beaming. “Thank you. I don’t know what else to say. Thank you.” 

Inside, everyone had migrated to the backyard, where Hanna was playing with TJ’s girls and a few of the other kids. She stopped when she caught sight of Nicky, crawling towards him. “Papa, papa.” He picked her up, swinging her up above his head. 

“Happy birthday, alskling.” He kissed her cheek and spoke in Swedish to her. Then, he looked up and caught Andre’s eye. “Let’s show your uncle how you walk, ok?” Andre’s cheeks turned pink, his expression pleased and surprised in equal measure. 

Andre squatted down and held out his arms. Alex watched from the side, holding a drink in his hand. Hanna took a few unsteady steps towards him before falling into his arms. He hugged her against his chest, praising her in Swedish. 

“She’s so big.” Andre said. 

“I know. She just learned last week, so she’s not so good yet, but getting better every day.”

By early evening, everyone started to leave; everyone except Andre, whom Nicky trapped on the couch by plopping Hanna in his lap and walking away. 

After Alex’s parents left, Nicky cleared his throat. “There’s one thing left to open.” He said quietly, leaning against the front door.

Alex looked up from his phone, where he’d been sorting through pictures of the day. “What?”

“My parents sent something.” Nicky explained quietly. “I didn’t want to open it before…” He didn’t want to open it before everything else, in case it wasn’t good, Alex realized. 

“Let’s see.” Alex decided, clapping his hands, imitating excitement and confidence for Nicky. 

Nicky pulled the box out from where he’d hidden it in the coat closet and set it on the coffee table. He took a deep breath before slowly tearing off the tape, steeling himself for what may lay inside. He opened the flap and stilled. 

“What is it?” Alex leaned closer. 

The first thing Nicky lifted up was a hand painted Christmas ornament. Most was in Swedish, but Alex recognized Hanna’s name. It looked like the one Nicky had with his own name, that had hung on the tree last winter. 

Next, he pulled out a few new outfits for Hanna, a mix of colors and not just pink; Nicky hated dressing her in all pink, wouldn’t do it if he could avoid it. Underneath were stacks of cardboard children’s books, all in Swedish. 

“You ok, papa?” Andre asked, drawing his attention back to Nicky. The blond was still frozen, staring into the box with wide, shiny eyes. 

Nicky slowly removed the last thing from the box, a pair of old ice skates, a very small pair. There was a handwritten note attached. Nicky swallowed. “These were my first skates. From when I was little.” He said, his voice brimming with emotion. 

Alex hugged him, rubbing his back. “They’re happy for you.” Nicky nodded, hiding his face against Alex’s shoulder and sniffling. “Happy tears?” He guessed aloud, half for Andre’s benefit; the young man looked worried, almost panicked, at the sight of Nicky vulnerable. 

Nicky nodded his head. Alex pressed kisses into his hair, holding him close. Andre tentatively reached for Nicky’s shoulder, patting it reassuringly. Only Hanna seemed immune to the emotion of the moment, happily humming to herself and playing with the buttons on Andre’s shirt.

Alex made pasta for dinner and they all ate together, Hanna stripped down to her diaper in her high chair because she tended to get covered in spaghetti sauce. Afterwards, Alex and Andre did dishes as Nicky carefully wrapped Hanna in a towel and carried her to the bathroom. 

They were midway through washing the dishes when Andre cleared his throat nervously. “I can leave, if you want.” He offered. 

“What?” Alex looked at him, confused. “No. Why? Do you want to leave?” 

“I don’t want to be in the way.” He looked down at the pot in his hand, shoulders shrugged up to his ears. 

Alex bumped their elbows together, offering an encouraging smile. “Not in the way. Makes Nicky happy. Makes me happy.” 

“Ok.” Andre nodded, voice quiet. “Thank you.” 

Andre wasn’t as young as he had been his rookie year, when Alex had worried about him until Nicky took him under his wing, but he was young; only 23. When Alex had been 23, he’d been a little lost and clueless too. He would’ve benefited from someone like Nicky, someone who let him learn without ever turning a blind eye to what he was doing. 

And Nicky cared for Andre deeply. Maybe Nicky saw something of himself in the younger man, someone like the quiet rookie he’d once been. 

Alex smiled. “Go watch Hanna take bath. Very funny. She likes to splash.” 

Alex followed him upstairs a few minutes later, smiling at the sound of laughter coming from the bathroom. 

Hanna gave a delighted shriek when Alex pushed the door open, sending a splash of water up into Nicky’s face. “Sasa!”

“Hanna! Hi, Hanna.” He waved at her and she giggled. Andre was sitting on the sink counter, a safe distance away, Nicky had abandoned his shirt and tossed it into the corner. Alex could see that the fabric looked mostly wet, and a little soapy. The blond’s hair was damp but he was still smiling ear to ear. “Nicky get a bath too?” 

“A shower.” Nicky said dryly. 

Hanna played for a few more minutes until she started rubbing her eyes and yawning. She didn’t protest when Nicky lifted her from the tub and wrapped her in a large towel, resting her head on his shoulder wearily. 

“It was a long day, wasn’t it?” Nicky asked quietly. “I’m glad you had a good birthday.” He kept up a steady, one sided dialogue as he dressed her in some footie pajamas and handed her her lovey. 

“Papa.” She mumbled sleepily. 

“You sleepy?” 

“No.” She opened her eyes, every bit as stubborn as Nicky. 

“No?” 

“No.” 

“Ok. Let’s go back downstairs then.” He smiled at her softly. 

Downstairs, Hanna crawled into Andre’s lap and leaned against his chest, sucking her fingers as she blinked listlessly into space. Alex turned on the TV to one of the fish documentaries and she relaxed even further. 

“Normally, I’d just put her to bed, but…” Nicky shrugged. Alex understood, or thought he did. The day had been a whirlwind and if Hanna went to bed, Nicky would have to think about it. 

Hanna fell asleep in Andre’s arms and it was not much longer until Nicky fell asleep with his head in Alex’s lap. Alex stroked his fingers through his hair mindlessly, smiling to himself. 

He nudged Andre and nodded his head towards the sleeping blond. “At least can carry that one to bed.” He joked, pointing at Hanna. She was drooling into Andre’s shirt but he didn’t seem to mind. 

“Kind of afraid to move her.” Andre admitted, chuckling quietly. 

“Doesn’t get as cranky as her papa, I promise.” Alex assured him. Andre laughed, but neither of them were keen to move anyway.


	8. May

They beat Columbus, but they still had to play Pittsburgh. Alex refused to lose to the Pens again; he was so, so tired of being asked about Sidney fucking Crosby and if the Caps could make it through the second round this time. They didn’t have their best team and winning against even Columbus seemed hard. Winning against the Pens seemed daunting, seemed next to impossible. 

“12 more.” Nicky had said, quietly certain, in Alex’s ear. 12 more. Alex repeated it to himself when he couldn’t sleep. 12 more. They could do this; he could do this. 

Alex couldn’t sleep thinking about what lie before them. Nicklas couldn’t sleep because his parents were coming to visit for the playoffs. 

Alex woke up in the middle of the night and Nicky was gone. He wasn’t in the bathroom, wasn’t in the nursery. Alex plodded downstairs and found him cleaning the kitchen, music playing softly from his phone. 

“Come back to bed.” Alex said, taking the paper towel from his hands and tossing it into the trash when Nicky blinked at him blankly. Nicky fidgeted with his sleeves, picking at his nails. Alex covered Nicky’s hands with his own. “Bed.” He repeated firmly. 

Nicky bit his lip and looked down, tenseness radiating off of him. He took a half step forward into Alex’s arms, melting against his chest as Alex held him tightly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Nicky apologized softly. 

Alex sighed. “Didn’t. Woke up and you were gone. Can’t sleep without you hogging covers.” 

“I don’t hog anything.” Nicky said, tone petulant. Alex’s lips twitched into a smile despite the late hour. 

“Sure.” Alex placated him, kissing his cheek. “Let’s go to bed and find out.” He started to pull him back towards the stairs but Nicky stayed rooted in place. 

Alex sighed again. “Nicky…” he looked at him, really looked at him, his face pale and heavy bags under his eyes. He was chewing on his lip, his nails were bitten down to nubs. Anxious, nervous, exhausted; he’d give himself another migraine if he didn’t get some rest soon. “Hammock?”

It was off the wall enough that it startled a laugh from Nicky and he sheepishly shrugged his shoulders, dragging a hand through his hair and pushing the unruly locks off his forehead. He didn’t say anything, though, because he was actually considering it. 

Alex gave himself a moment to think. It was two in the morning, they were playing Pittsburgh at home that night, Nicky’s parents would be arriving in the afternoon, and they both needed to rest. Nicky desperately needed to sleep, or he might make himself sick. “I get baby monitor.” Alex decided; if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. 

“Sasha-“ 

“Get blankets.” He said, turning to go back upstairs. Nicky was standing by the back door, blinking owlishly, when he returned, blankets in his arms. 

It was nice outside, he noted, the air a hint cool but not unpleasant. It was easy to situate themselves in the hammock, wrapped in blankets. He pulled Nicky to his chest and pressed a kiss to his temple. They fell asleep quickly like that, with chirping bugs and Hanna’s occasional sighs through the monitor the only sounds. 

When he woke up, it was to Hanna’s voice over the monitor. “Papa? Papa? Sasa?” She called. Alex stretched and carefully extricated himself from their nest of blankets, leaving Nicky undisturbed. He carried the monitor upstairs. “Sasa? Papa?...Babu?” Alex laughed to himself and pushed the door open. 

“Good morning!” He said cheerfully. She smiled at him and blew a raspberry in her hand, giggling to herself. “So silly. Let’s go give papa kisses, ok?” 

“Papa!”

“Exactly. Needs lots of kisses. Like this.” He kissed her cheeks and she laughed joyously, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You give him lots of kisses, ok?” 

Nicky was still asleep and Alex held his finger to his lips as he opened the back door. “Shhh.” 

“Sssss.” Hanna copied him, finger on the tip of her nose. 

Alex got back into the hammock and Hanna snuggled up between them happily. “Kisses, remember?” Alex whispered. 

Hanna blew a raspberry against Nicky’s cheek, leaving a wet spot behind. Nicky woke with a smile, blinking at Hanna and Alex sleepily. “G’morning, alskling.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her to his chest. “I love you.” 

“Papa?”

“Yeah?”

“Ba?”

Nicky smiled. “Yeah. Let’s have breakfast.” He agreed. 

Nicky made pancakes for breakfast, with Hanna on his hip. She watched with thoughtful eyes as he flipped them. Alex snapped a couple pictures, one that captured Hanna pressing a real kiss to Nicky’s cheek. 

They ate breakfast and Nicky took Hanna to go dress her. Alex put the dishes in the dishwasher and then went upstairs when Nicky hadn’t returned. He found them sitting in the rocking chair, still in pajamas. Nicky had his nose pressed to the top of Hanna’s head, hidden in her curls. 

“You ok?” Alex asked softly. 

“What if my parents…” Nicky trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“They’ll love her.” Alex promised. 

Nicky nodded slowly. “They’ll meet her tomorrow.” 

“Not today?”

“They don’t get in until 4pm.” Nicky shrugged. “They might not make it to the game, even. If traffic is bad.” 

“Ok.” Alex agreed easily. He understood, in a way, that Nicky wanted to be as in control of this process as possible. So, he agreed, even if the excuse was flimsy. “Tomorrow. Where you want them to meet?” 

“Here.” Nicky said quietly. “We can do breakfast.” 

“You sure?”

“...No.” Nicky admitted. “But I think I’m going to be nervous no matter what, so…” 

Nicky’s parents did make it to the game on time. Alex had met Anders and Catrin many times over the years, of course, but he’d never met them like this. Alex walked up behind Nicky in the hallway just outside the locker room, sliding an arm around his shoulders and stopping short when he saw his parents. 

Nicky switched back to English. “You remember Alex.” He said, a lazy introduction that probably wasn’t needed. 

Alex felt the full weight of their gaze on him, heavy with judgement but Catrin finally smiled. “Of course. How are you, Alex?” She asked, politely mild and her expression giving nothing away. 

“I’m good.” He said, offering a bright smile. 

“We were hoping to meet Hanna tonight.” Catrin said, continuing in English but looking firmly at Nicky, her face unreadable. 

Nicky shook his head. “She’s in bed already.” He explained. “You’ll see her tomorrow.” 

Catrin and Anders shared a long glance before nodding. “Ok. We see her tomorrow.” She agreed. 

Alex felt Nicky relax beside him. “Do you want us to drive you to your hotel?” He offered. 

Anders shook his head. “We rent a car. Maybe easier, since we are here so long and you travel for playing.” 

“Ok.” Nicky nodded. “That’s good.” 

They left after a quick goodbye, kissing Nicky’s cheek and patting Alex on the arm carefully. Once they were out of sight, Nicky sagged against Alex, looping his arms around him and hiding his face against his neck. 

“Not so bad.” Alex said, rubbing his back.

Nicky hummed. “Yeah.” He hugged tighter. “Can you drive home?”

“Sure.” Alex agreed easily. 

Nicky dozed on the way home, still looking barely awake when they walked inside. Tatiana smiled at them, turning off the TV as they entered. She studied Nicky carefully; Alex had always found his mom to be eerily perceptive. “How are your parents, Nicklas?”

“They’re good. Their flight was fine, they said.” Nicky looked down. “They’re meeting Hanna tomorrow.” He added, unable to hide the nervous tension that threaded together his words. 

She glanced at Alex before patting Nicky’s arm. “Hanna is very sweet. Very smart. You do a good job with her.” She smiled at him when he finally met her eye. “Not your fault if they not see that.” 

“Thank you.” Nicky said, his voice coming out a bit raspy. “I’m going to check on Hanna.” He decided, going up the stairs quickly. 

Tatiana waited until he was out of sight before switching to Russian. _“Did they upset him?”_ She asked. 

Alex shrugged. _“Just nervous, I think. Didn’t sleep well last night.”_

 _“Poor Nicklas.”_ She shook her head. _“If you need anything, call me. She is still staying with me when you travel, yes?”_ The way she said it, it wasn’t really a question. 

_“Yes. Nicky doesn’t want to change her routine too much.”_

Tatiana smiled. _“Good.”_ She hugged him tight. _“I love you. Take care of Nicklas, ok?”_

“I love you too.” He replied. 

Upstairs, Alex found Nicky standing in the doorway to the nursery. Alex wrapped his arms around his middle and rested his chin on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be ok.” He whispered. 

Nicky nodded, drawing a deep breath. “I know. I’m just...shit, I’m so nervous.” He covered his mouth to muffle a watery laugh. 

Alex kissed his neck. “Let’s go to bed. Don’t want to wake her.” Nicky nodded and closed the door quietly. He followed Alex into the master bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Alex leaned against the headboard. “Come here.” He patted the bed beside him. 

Nicky scooted closer, letting Alex draw him into his arms. “What if…”

“Shh. It’s gonna be ok.” Alex carded him hand through Nicky’s hair, doing it over and over until the blond finally fell asleep. Alex turned out the lamp and closed his eyes, falling asleep on top of the covers, dressed, with Nicky safe in his arms. 

Nicky made pancakes again for breakfast and Hanna was already in her high chair when his parents arrived. 

They greeted Nicky in the entryway and he led them into the kitchen. Hanna paused her cheerful babbling and blinked at them confusedly. Nicky had shown her pictures of them in preparation for their visit but she still frowned. 

“Hanna, these are your grandparents.” Nicky said carefully. He picked her up from her seat and she buried her face against his chest, closing her eyes tight. “She’s still shy.” He explained. 

Alex felt awkward just sitting at the breakfast bar, but he didn’t know where to move to either. Nicky rubbed Hanna’s back and gently turned her so she could see them. 

“Here, let me hold her.” Catrin said, holding her arms out. 

Hanna’s eyes widened. “No.” She shook her head and ducked again to hide. “Papa, no.” 

Nicky chuckled and kissed her. “Ok. It’s ok.” He smiled. “Let’s eat breakfast. I made pancakes.” 

Catrin and Anders were thoughtfully quiet over breakfast and Nicky was a nearly perfect imitation of confidence; Alex was probably the only one who could see that he was still nervous. Nicky’s face was cast in a blank half-smile, his eyes going genuine and soft whenever he looked at Hanna. 

They were almost done eating when Nicky picked her up and set her in his lap. “Hanna, where’s your nose?” 

Alex smiled; this was her new game. They all watched as Hanna touched her nose. 

Nicky beamed at her. “Good job! Where’s Papa’s nose?” She pointed and Nicky nodded encouragingly. “Where’s Sasha’s nose?” Alex leaned closer and when Hanna pointed, he grabbed her hand and pretended to eat it, kissing her arm. She laughed and kicked her feet happily. 

Nicky caught Alex’s eye for a moment before turning his attention back to Hanna. “That’s your Farmor.” He said, pointing at Catrin. “Can you say hello? Say hej?” Hanna looked at Catrin and shook her head, burying her face against Nicky’s chest. “Maybe talk to her in Swedish?” Nicky suggested. “She likes hearing it.” 

Catrin said something in sing-song Swedish to Hanna and she lifted her face cautiously, looking uncertain. Catrin smiled at her and waved her hand. 

“Could you say hej?” Nicky asked gently. “That’s what we do when we meet people.” He explained. Alex saw a cross expression flit across Catrin’s face, while Anders was still staring deliberately at his empty plate. 

“Hej.” Hanna repeated. 

Catrin smiled widely at her and said something else, though Alex didn’t catch what any of it meant. Hanna looked at her suspiciously, reaching her hand up to play with Nicky’s hair. Nicky rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. 

Catrin watched her for a moment and smiled at Nicky. “When you were a baby, you always...always twirl my hair.” She chuckled.

Nicky raised his eyebrows. “I did?” 

She nodded. “When you were tired or upset.”

“Oh. I don’t know why she started.” Nicky said. Alex did, or thought he did, because Nicky did it still; he fussed with Hanna’s hair when he was nervous or unsettled, when he needed a distraction. Or maybe Hanna had watched Alex tangle a hand in Nicky’s hair and seen how he melted into the touch. 

Alex made an excuse to get out of the house for a while, and when he came back, the house was quiet and empty. Alex frowned, searching his pockets for his phone, when he saw something on the back patio. 

He pushed the door open and smiled at the sight of Nicky in the hammock, baby monitor in hand. Nicky looked up at him and waved, grinning like he’d been caught. 

“Everything ok?” Alex asked, climbing into the hammock as Nicky made space for him. 

“We went to the park. My parents were pretty tired, jet lag, you know? So, they went back to their hotel.” 

“How did Hanna do?” 

Nicky shrugged. “You know how she cries at Kuzy when he holds her?” 

“Uh huh.”

“Worse than that.” 

Alex winced. “That sucks.” Privately, he thought Hanna was picking up on Nicky’s tension and that was coloring her perception of her grandparents; he didn’t have an explanation of her distrust of Evgeny, though. 

“She’s fine if they don’t try to touch her.” Nicky continued. “But my mom keeps trying to fix her hair.” 

“She doesn’t like that.” 

Nicky chuckled. “No, she doesn’t.” He shifted, his hand coming up to slide under the edge of Alex’s shirt. He tilted his head up and Alex ensnared him in a kiss. Nicky sighed and deepened the kiss, his tongue flitting across his lips before he gently nipped the tender flesh. 

Alex growled and pulled Nicky closer, reaching up to tangle a hand in his hair and moving to put his leg between Nicky’s. 

Hanna’s voice from the baby monitor interrupted. “Papa?” She called. “Papa?” She babbled quietly and Nicky ducked his head, laughing. 

“Hold that thought.” He grinned at Alex, extracting himself from the hammock. 

The next day, Nicky and his parents took Hanna to the zoo after their morning skate and Alex stayed home; it would look strange, they decided, if he went with. 

Alex dozed on the couch, watched some TV, and was contemplating going to get take away when he heard the garage open. He heard clipped, short sounding words, though all in Swedish, and then the door swung open with a thud. 

He sat up in time to see Nicky enter, holding Hanna, both red-faced and unhappy looking. Anders was saying something and Catrin tried to take Hanna from Nicky’s arms. Nicky turned away from her, pivoting towards the kitchen. 

“I know how to take care of her, I don’t need your help.” He snapped. In his arms, Hanna was whimpering, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Catrin frowned at him. “Don’t be rude, Nicklas-“

“You’re scaring her.” Nicky rubbed Hanna’s back. Alex could see a red circle on Hanna’s arm, swollen and bright. 

“Nicklas-“

Nicky took a deep breath and interrupted. “I’m sorry, but what’s best for her right now is calming down and getting her nap.” He glanced at Alex, a look of relief washing over him. “I’m sorry the day didn’t go as planned. We can try something else when we get back.” He offered. 

Catrin frowned at him and Nicky turned towards Alex, ignoring her. “Can you find the benadryl?” 

Alex nodded and disappeared upstairs, pulling the box of children’s medicine out from the bathroom cabinet and trying to listen in to the conversation downstairs simultaneously. 

When he found the medicine, he jogged back downstairs, finding Nicky in the kitchen, holding an ice pack to Hanna’s arm and singing to her softly. Catrin and Anders were both standing off to the side. The tension in the room was thick. 

“What happened?” Alex asked. 

“I wasn’t watching her enough and she got stung by a bee.” Nicky said quietly. “I know, I’m sorry, alskling.” He muttered when Hanna whined. 

Alex squeezed Nicky’s shoulder. “Here, I give medicine.” 

“You sure?” Nicky asked, looking up at him. 

“Sure. Here, you just hold.” Alex measured out the medicine and Hanna watched him with a wary gaze, recognition flickering in her eyes. 

It was quick to squirt the medicine into her mouth and wipe up the pink drool that spilled down her chin. Hanna sobbed weakly, exhausted, and Nicky rocked her in his arms. “I know, I’m sorry.” He whispered. “It’s all done. It’ll help you feel better.” 

Alex kissed Nicky’s forehead before he remembered they were being watched. He glanced over his shoulder at them, but Nicky’s inscrutable poker face had been inherited. After a long moment, Catrin cleared her throat. 

“It’s not your fault.” She said softly, taking a half-step closer and stopping when Hanna turned away and pressed her face to Nicky’s chest. 

“I should’ve-“

“Nicklas.” She said, sounding tender. “It’s not your fault.”

“Thank you.” Nicky said, still looking at Hanna, smoothing down the wild curls on the back of her head. 

Catrin moved closer still, coming to stand beside Nicky. She was small compared to him, her hand dainty as it rested on his arm. “We will go so you can rest.” She decided. Nicky finally looked up and she sighed, pushing his hair back off his forehead gently. 

“Thank you. I-“ Nicky shook his head. “Just, thank you.” 

Catrin kissed his forehead and offered Alex a small smile. Anders patted both of them on the shoulder before they left. 

As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, Nicky slumped forward to rest his head in the middle of Alex’s chest. Alex kissed the top of his head and hugged him gently. “Oh my god, that was awful.” Nicky groaned. 

“What happened?”

Nicky shook his head. “I need to put her to sleep first.” In his arms, Hanna closed her eyes and clung to him. 

Alex rubbed his hands over Nicky’s arms. “She sleep with you?” 

“You can- I just need-“ Nicky closed his eyes. “I need a minute.” He said quietly. 

Alex held his hands out, open and welcoming, and Hanna was ungracefully shuffled into his embrace. He shushed her gently when she protested and rocked her while Nicky rose to pace the kitchen. Alex carried her to the living room and plopped down on the couch, trusting that Nicky would follow. 

He did, eventually; once Hanna had fallen asleep and Alex was sure a path had been worn in the kitchen floor. Then, Nicky collapsed into Alex’s side, as needy as his child.

“She’s scared of my parents.” Nicky started, pitching his voice quiet. “And they don’t understand.” 

“She doesn’t know them yet.”

“Exactly...but they think, you know, since she’s mine, she must know them.” Nicky shook his head and leaned against him, gazing down at Hanna and brushing a curl off her forehead with the back of his forefinger. 

Nicky leaned his head on Alex’s shoulder and stayed there for a while, until he finally sorted his thoughts. 

“They kept telling me I don’t speak enough Swedish to her.” Nicky started, gaining momentum like he was falling down a hill. “And I don’t teach her about family enough, and that’s why she’s shy with them.” 

He took a breath. “And I am too careful with her, I don’t let her explore. They complained about how everything is too safe for kids now, and we were fine without-“ He shook his head. “But she got stung, and then I should’ve been watching her more.”

“Nicky…” Alex whispered, but Nicky was on a roll. 

“And then they asked about her birth mother.” Alex could feel him starting to come undone. “And saying...saying how babies need mothers. Especially girls.” 

Nicky grazed a trembling finger through Hanna’s hair. “She didn’t...she didn’t want an open adoption. I asked.” His voice cracked. “She didn’t want to see her when she was born. She didn’t want to know her name.” 

Nicky leaned forward, his head in his hands. “They said she doesn’t talk as much as Kris’s kids do. That...that I should know more about her- her birth parents than I do. In case...they called them her real parents- She’s mine. She’s…” Nicky was stammering, walking the edge of falling apart and Alex didn’t know what to do. 

He freed one arm and rested a hand in the middle of Nicky’s back, feeling the tremors that were coursing through his body. “You’re her papa. She loves you.” Alex assured him in a whisper. 

Nicky sobbed, an ugly hurt sound that filled Alex with equal parts rage and despair. It was raw, like an open festering wound and Alex felt it through every nerve in his body. 

“Oh, Nicky…” Alex whispered. “Come here.” Nicky curled into his side and covered his mouth, trying to keep himself quiet. It was everything with his parents and their season coming to a head, it was every restless night without enough sleep. It was every loss in their past and every shared hurt. But mostly, Alex realized, it was that Nicky was so, so different now that he had Hanna. 

Alex’s mother said to him, shortly after he told her they were together, that he needed to be careful with Nicklas. She told him that having children changed a person, that loving someone else that much changed you. Children meant having a piece of your heart walking around the world unprotected, and it made you vulnerable in ways you didn’t expect. 

Nicky could handle criticism and he could handle slights. But with Hanna it was different. 

Nicky had barely started to calm when the front door opened and Tatiana came in, ready to watch Hanna so they could take a pre-game nap and get ready to play. He tensed and pulled away, hurrying upstairs and out of sight. 

Tatiana looked at Alex and Hanna. _“What happened to her arm? What’s wrong with Nicklas?”_

 _“Nicky and his parents took her to the zoo and she got stung by a bee.”_ He explained. 

Tatiana examined her arm, frowning over the redness and swelling. _“Poor baby girl.”_ She cooed. _“That’s miserable when they are little.”_

Alex nodded. _“Nicky’s parents…I don’t know. They upset him.”_

 _“What did they say?”_ Alex wasn’t sure what he should say, pausing. _“He looked like he was crying.”_

_“They’re upset because Hanna is so shy with them.”_

_“She’s a baby! If they didn’t want her to be shy, maybe they should try to be like family to her.”_ Tatiana said, a dangerous edge to her voice. 

_“I know.”_ Alex shook his head. _“They talked about her birth parents…”_

_“Oh no…”_

_“Yeah.”_ Alex rocked Hanna gently. 

_“Give me Hanna, you go take care of Nicklas.”_ She decided. Hanna barely opened her eyes when she was gently moved to Tatiana’s arms. Tatiana kissed her forehead and sang a gentle lullaby, rocking her back to sleep. 

Upstairs, Alex found Nicky sitting on the edge of their bed, staring at his feet. “Hej.” Alex said, watching a smile twitch at the corner of Nicky’s mouth. 

“Hej.” Nicky looked up, eyes red and cheeks still wet. “I’m sorry.” 

Alex coaxed him up the bed, wrapping his arms around him. Nicky went easily. “Don’t be.”

Nicky nodded and held Alex tight. “I don’t think they meant…I don’t know. They always...always compared me to Kris, always expect so much.” 

“Why?”

“They’re both competitive…” Nicky shrugged. “I don’t know.” He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I love them, I do, I just…” 

Alex hummed. “They don’t know. Don’t see how good you are for Hanna. For me.” He added. 

Nicky tilted his face up to look at Alex, still watery-eyed. “Thank you.” Nicky kissed Alex. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.” Alex promised. “You want to take nap?” 

“I want to check on Hanna first.” Nicky sat up and rubbed his eyes dry. His cheeks were pink, his eyes bloodshot. Tatiana gave him a sympathetic look when he came downstairs and passed Hanna to him without a word. She barely stirred. 

Nicky smiled at her, breathing out a gentle chuckle. “She’s really out, huh?” 

Tatiana smiled and nodded. “She probably take a long nap. I can bring her to the game, if you want?” 

Nicky paused, twirling a lock of Hanna’s hair around his finger as he considered it. “I’d like that.” He said slowly. “But my parents…” 

Tatiana shook her head quickly. “Don’t worry about parents.” She said. “If they get upset, I fix it.” 

Alex raised his eyebrows at his mother, standing behind Nicky so the blond didn’t see him shake his head. Tatiana smiled reassuringly, but Alex still didn’t trust her not to...well, he trusted her. He didn’t trust Nicky’s parents, not yet, and that worried him. 

Either way, Nicky accepted her offer without question of her methods, and Alex didn’t know what that meant, exactly. Did Nicky want to irritate his parents, or did Nicky need Hanna close?

By the time they made it to the rink, Nicky had napped for two hours and was starting to smile again. He was still a bit withdrawn, a bit emotionally drained, but doing better. 

Andre started teasing and pestering him immediately, all smiles and good cheer. Nicky played his part, rolling his eyes and making exasperated sounds, but the twinkle in his eye was undeniable. Alex kept an eye on them as the team got ready, not at all surprised when Nicky finally caught Andre in a headlock. 

Nicky was barely holding back his laughter, saying something in Swedish. Christian Djoos was watching with wide eyes, and Andre was laughing hard and trying in vain to get away. 

“Willy! Save me!” He said, reaching an arm out dramatically. 

Tom arched an eyebrow and shook his head, scooting down the bench. “Nuh uh, I know better.” 

Nicky smirked. “Took you long enough.” He said, squeezing Andre tight before pushing him back towards his stall. “Stop being a brat.” He said, happy grin ruining his credibility. 

Andre fussed about his hair being messed and winked at Alex when he went back to his stall. Alex smiled to himself and continued to put on his gear. 

After the game, a loss, Alex couldn’t imagine the light mood of the locker room, couldn’t conjure up that kind of positivity. He was livid; Nicky was ready to boil over. He’d heard Nicky throw his stick in frustration somewhere behind him, had heard the younger guys fall into an uneasy silence at that but Alex couldn’t do anything about it. 

They needed to win. They had to win. If he lost to Pittsburgh again, if they were knocked out again...He didn’t know how much more he could give, he didn’t know what else he could do. He wanted to win so bad it hurt, but there was no tollbooth that accepted his agony in exchange for goals. 

No one spoke in the locker room. Trotz didn’t ask anyone to address the team, he didn’t do more than say a few curt words. Even the usual chatter was almost non-existent. The playful, easygoing team that had been there before the game was gone and no one was in a hurry to try to brighten the mood. Alex certainly wasn’t. 

Most of the veteran players were staring in resolute silence as they went through their routines slowly. Nicky was already in the showers. By the time Alex had calmed down enough to change, the blond was gone from the room altogether. 

Alex was going to be pissed if he had to go track Nicky down before they could leave. He wanted to go home. He wanted to round up every pillow in the house and scream into them until his throat was raw. If Nicky was off being moody-

Alex stepped from one tense scene to another when he rounded the corner and found Nicky, his mother, and Nicky’s parents all clustered in the corridor. Only Hanna smiled when she saw him. 

“Sasa! Hej!”

“Hej.” Alex smiled, feeling everything melt away to be replaced with deep rooted love. “You sleepy? It’s so late.”

“No.” She shook her head emphatically. Hanna was wearing her Backstrom jersey, her curls falling across her forehead. She rubbed at her eyes and leaned her head against Nicky’s shoulder. 

It took Alex a moment to really see what was happening. Nicky’s parents were speaking Swedish at him, standing across from him. They looked unhappy, but maybe Alex was projecting. Tatiana was standing beside Nicklas, her lips pursed and a crease between her eyebrows as she frowned. 

Nicky took a measured breath. “Hanna is still shy with you.” He replied, in English. “It’s not...not fair for her, to be uncomfortable.” 

Alex stilled, realizing what he was listening to. Nicky turned slightly, enough that he made eye-contact with him before turning his focus back to his parents. 

Anders said something else and Catrin did too. Nicky shook his head. “Tatiana has watched her since she was born.” 

More Swedish. 

Nicky looked like he wanted to bolt, but he shifted his weight and stood his ground. “I needed help. I asked you and you said you wouldn’t change your tickets. You left, after we lost.” 

Catrin looked close to tears as she spoke, voice pitched with emotion. Alex wanted to back away, but he didn’t want to give the appearance that he wasn’t supporting Nicky in this. 

Hanna yawned and rubbed her eyes, snuggling her face against Nicky’s neck and twirling his wet hair around her hand as she closed her eyes. Nicky rubbed her back. “Hanna knows Alex’s parents very well. She feels safe with them. She needs time to get to know you.” He paused, before adding, “I’m not leaving her with strangers. Now, I need to take my daughter home and put her to bed.” 

Nicky turned and walked away, Alex following in his wake. He was still upset about the game, but his anger had been put back in perspective; he’d needed something to remind him of what was most important and Nicky’s conversation was like plunging into an ice bath. 

“You ok?” Alex asked. 

Nicky looked up at him, exhaustion settling across his features. “I’m fine.” 

“Nicky…” 

Nicky shook his head. “I am. I’m fine. If they-“ He shook his head. “I can’t deal with them right now. I tried for them to be involved, I did.”

“They’re upset mama brought her?” 

“Tatiana offered to sit with them, so all of them could sit together. They didn’t want to sit in the box. They wanted to take Hanna to sit with them in their seats...I guess my mom tried to hold her and Hanna screamed.” 

Alex tried to imagine that, for a moment. 

Nicky kissed Hanna’s forehead. “You did so good tonight, alskling.” He murmured. “I love you. Jag älskar dig.” 

Hanna fell asleep in the car and Alex nearly dozed off himself as Nicky drove them home. Nicky put Hanna to bed, not bothering to change her from her jersey. Alex was brushing his teeth when Nicky came and wrapped his arms around Alex’s middle, kissing his shoulder. 

“I think we can do it.” He admitted quietly. Alex wanted to argue but- 

It was nice to hear it said out loud. It was better to have Nicky saying it to him. Nicky knew what they’d done before, he remembered how every loss felt as acutely as Alex did. Nicky wasn’t one to promote false hope. If Nicky thought they could do it- 

At the beginning of the season, Alex had said it was going to be different. He’d been cocky and sure; he’d forgotten how that felt. Something loosened in his chest and he started to relax. “Gotta get a picture for the baby book.” He said, grinning. 

Nicky nodded, eyes twinkling with laughter and hope. “Yeah. For the baby book.” 

They lost in Pittsburgh. 

They won the next game, and Nicky blocked a shot off his hand and didn’t miss a shift. 

Alex bullied his way through to the medical room, afterwards, to where Nicky was sitting. He was holding an ice pack to his hand, and arguing emphatically with one of the trainers. 

“I’m fine. I can play.” Nicky said. “I played half this game already.” 

The trainer was not cowed by the murder eyes. “Your hand is broken.” He pointed out mildly. 

“It’s just a finger.” Nicky said, eyes darting to look at Alex, maybe to gauge his expression. Alex’s stomach had a sinking feeling. 

“Which is part of your hand.” The trainer said cooly. “You need to be careful with it, or it will never heal properly.” 

“If I don’t take face offs-“

“Look, this isn’t my decision.” The trainer finally said. “And it’s not yours either.” Nicky made a frustrated noise. “Go take your pain killers and ice your hand. This isn’t my call.” He said, walking away. 

Nicky’s face screwed up into a scowl and he looked like he wanted to punch something. “I can play.” He said to Alex. “It’s not really that bad.” Nicklas was a terrible, terrible liar and Alex loved him for it. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Alex said quietly, one arm on Nicky’s waist. 

The familiar words cut through whatever was holding Nicky up and he slumped into Alex’s chest with a heavy breath. “Fuck.” He whispered, voice rough. “Fuck.”

“I know.” Alex wrapped both arms around him. 

“I- Shit. Sasha…” 

“I know.” Alex mumbled into his ear. “It’s gonna be ok.” 

They won, but Nicky walked into the room with his hand wrapped and everyone’s eyes were drawn to it, falling quiet. Nicky ignored them and headed to his stall before disappearing into the showers. 

Alex didn’t think about how much a broken hand (broken finger, Nicky had insisted) could hurt, until they were alone in their hotel room and Nicky quietly took the pain medicine he’d been given. Alex paused. “How bad?”

Nicky didn’t look up. “I just want to sleep.” He said softly, staring at the floor between his feet. 

“How bad?” Alex repeated. 

“It’s fine.” Nicky said tersely, not looking up, the fingers of his good hand clenched tight around the medicine bottle. 

“Backy. How bad?” Alex asked, exasperated. 

“It fucking hurts, ok?” Nicky snapped, jolting to his feet to pace towards the door. Alex thought, for a moment, he was running away, but he stopped just short. “It fucking hurts and I can’t do shit about it.” 

Alex nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. Stupid question, yeah?” He managed to smile. “Come here, come here. Let’s sleep.” 

Nicky looked torn, but he ultimately crawled carefully into bed with Alex. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t- I’m sorry.” He said, worrying at his lip with his teeth. 

Alex smoothed a hand over his hair. “Just sleep. Won’t be so bad in the morning.” 

Alex was wrong. By morning, Nicky’s finger was dark purple and swollen to more than twice its normal size. It hurt to look at, let alone do much else with. Let alone hold a stick. 

Trotz actually laughed when Nicky told him he wanted to play, because the man knew no fear. “You can’t even bend it! I can’t put you on the ice like that.” He softened his tone and patted Nicky’s shoulder. “The boys can get this done. Trust them.” 

Alex had never felt relief like what he felt when they beat Pittsburgh. Finally. Finally. He could stop hearing about Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins standing as a roadblock to the Cup. 

Finally. 

He made it through the handshake line and into the locker room and he wasn’t sure if his feet ever touched the ground. His throat was starting to feel sore from shouting, his cheeks sore from smiling.

They won. He won. They did it. He did it. 

Nicky was in the locker room when Alex finally entered, and everything else faded away. Alex went straight to him, unable to keep himself from laughing, bubbling over with pure joy. Nicky hugged him tight. 

“You did it.” Nicky said, smile crinkling his eyes. 

“We did it.” Alex said in his ear. “You and me.” 

“You and me.” Nicky repeated. 

It was too early to break out the champagne, but it wasn’t too early for beers. Nicky was holding one in his left hand, his right hand in his lap, leaning against Alex on the plane. He was only on his third drink, but he was starting to look bleary-eyed. 

“You ok?” Alex asked in undertones. 

“M’fine.” Nicky mumbled. 

Alex raised his eyebrows and draped his arm over the Swede’s shoulders. Tom offered a dramatic retelling of Andre’s attempts to fix his hair after the game and Nicky turned to hide his face in Alex’s chest, giggling uncontrollably. 

Tom paused his story and all eyes went to Nicky. “How much has he had to drink?” John asked, cocking his head. 

TJ snorted. “How many of those pills has he had?” He countered, leaning back on his seat. 

“Fuck you all.” Nicky snickered, cheeks flushing pink. 

Alex let his head fall back with laughter, holding Nicky close. He was warm and pliant, covering his face with one hand. 

“Papa’s stoned!” Tom announced cheerfully, raising his beer. The others started to laugh. 

Nicky tried to straighten up and school his expression, but quickly cracked again, slumping back into Alex’s arms. “Shhhut up.” He slurred, pointing his broken hand at them broadly. 

“Quick, Nicky, who's your favorite teammate- besides Ovi?” Tom asked, eyes sparkling mischievously as he leaned forwards. 

Nicky narrowed his eyes. “Sasha’s not my favorite.” He shook his head once, before grabbing Alex’s leg to stabilize himself. 

“Who is?” 

Nicky hummed, leaning back to survey them. Alex could see the wheels turning, though they were muddled. Finally, he grinned, self-satisfied. “Eller.” He announced. 

Lars looked up, surprised, pulling an earbud from his ear. “What?” Everyone else looked confused; even Alex wasn’t sure where this was going. 

Nicky continued, with a shit-eating grin. “He has the best name.” 

Alex groaned and ruffled Nicky’s hair. “Terrible.” He proclaimed. The others voiced their agreement, smiling at the spectacle that was Nicklas Backstrom under the influence.

“Who’s really your favorite?” Tom persisted. 

Nicky looked up. “Obviously, Sasha.” He smirked. “He has very, uh, talented hands.” 

Tom covered his face. “I don’t wanna hear about that.” 

“You asked.” Nicky pointed out. 

“I said besides Ovi, though.” 

“No one else-“

“Ok, literally anything else.” Tom interrupted. “Anyone? Osh, what about you?” 

“Nicky can talk more, that’s fine.” He grinned, winking at Nicky. “Tell us more about Ovi’s hands.” He leaned back in his seat, watching as Nicky’s ears turned pink. 

“Fuck you.” He laughed, embarrassed. Alex pulled him close again and Nicky went easily, turning his head to bump his nose against Alex’s cheek, somewhere between an accident and nuzzling. 

“Awww, he’s so sweet when he’s drugged.” TJ grinned, laughing harder when Nicky flipped him off with his good hand. “You’re much less scary like this.” He pointed out. 

“I’m not scary.” Nicky protested. 

“You make the murder face though.” Tom agreed. “I used to be scared of you.” 

“Used to?” Nicky asked, not lifting his head from Alex’s shoulder. 

“Well, then you adopted Andre and you fed all of us.” Tom laughed. “It’s hard to be scared of someone who made us meatballs.” 

“Otherwise you’d just eat ketchup and mac and cheese.” Nicky muttered. 

“Probably.” 

“He still eats like that.” Andre piped up. 

“Hey, I eat salad and shit.” Tom said, defending himself. 

“Mostly shit.” 

“Whatever, like we don’t all know about your sweet tooth.” Tom laughed. “Andre has, like, a secret stash of chocolates. All the time.” 

Andre glanced at Nicky, almost imperceptibly, and Nicky nodded. “Nicky taught me to.” He said. 

Tom paused, looking thoughtful, like he thought anything Nicky did might have some merit. Alex thought it was sweet how he still looked up to Nicky. “Really?”

“Chocolate makes people happy.” Nicky said quietly. It took the humor out of the conversation, though not in a negative way. The words were too earnest, too endearing, to be really funny, but they weren’t sad either. 

Alex squeezed Nicky’s hand and the blond squeezed back lazily, grip going slack. Alex shifted and pulled Nicky to lay across his lap, his eyes closing as soon as he was horizontal. Alex threaded his fingers through his hair, and Nicky fell asleep quickly. 

The conversation continued as they finished off the beers, until they plane finally landed back home. Alex gently roused his partner and herded him to the bus, where he fell asleep against the window, snoring quietly. 

Alex decided to take Nicky to his parents’ house, so they wouldn’t have to drive over in the morning. He texted his mother to let her know their plans, leaving out the part where Nicky was wasted off two beers and pain pills. 

Still, she must’ve suspected something when Alex steered the blond into the house and he smiled sleepily at her. “Than’ kyou for being so good t’ Hanna an’ me.” He said, his speech a bit slurred. 

Tatiana smiled at him warmly. “You’re family.” She assured him. “We love you.” 

Alex pushed Nicky towards the bedroom. “Ok, you go to sleep, ok?” 

“You’ll stay?” Nicky asked, looking up at him, pausing with his hand on the doorframe. Alex’s heartbeat extra hard against his ribs and he hugged him tight. 

“I stay.” He promised. 

“How long?” Nicky asked, crawling into bed and barely making it under the covers. 

Alex settled in beside him and kissed his forehead. “Forever sound good?”

“Yeah.” Nicky smiled at him, eyes falling shut. “Forever.”

Alex fell asleep beside him and woke up lying on his back, with Nicky’s head on his chest and arm tight around his middle. Nicky had his leg thrown over Alex’s. “Nicky…” Alex whispered. Nicky groaned, shaking his head. “How do you feel?”

“Fine.” Nicky grumped, hand clenching tighter around Alex’s shirt. 

“Uh huh.” He said, disbelief obvious. “How’s hand?”

Nicky was quiet a long moment; Alex suspected he was about to be lied to. Finally, Nicky spoke. “It hurts.” He admitted. 

“You take medicine?”

“Maybe just Tylenol.”

Alex chuckled. “Yeah, ok. Probably best.” 

Nicky raised his head, squinting. “Where…”

“My parents house.” Alex rubbed his back. “You don’t remember?” 

“I...no. I don’t. Sorry.” Nicky stretched, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Sorry about all that last night.” 

“Don’t say sorry. You were so cute. Very sweet.” Alex assured him. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Nicky said dryly, sitting up and grinning at Alex. 

Hanna was already awake when they made it out to the kitchen. She smiled wide when she saw Nicky, enthusiastically babbling at him and flapping her hands. 

Nicky picked her up, unable to hide a wince has he did. He shifted his hold on her, settling her on his hip. 

Tatiana looked at him expectantly. “Hand?” She asked, nodding at the wrappings around it. 

“It’s not that bad.” Nicky said, smoothing out Hanna’s hair. 

Tatiana raised her eyebrows, looking unimpressed. “Can’t do faceoffs, it’s not so good.” She countered. Alex ducked his head to hide his smile and Nicky had the decency to look embarrassed at being caught in a lie. 

“My finger is broken.” He admitted. “But I’ll play next round.” 

She favored him with a fond but slightly exasperated look, one with which Alex was extremely familiar. “I know. Be careful with hand, though. It’s important.”

“Yeah.” Nicky sat down, settling Hanna on the edge of the table in front of him, holding her so they were face to face. “You want to watch Sasha with me?” He asked her. “Where’s Sasha?” Hanna pointed at Alex and Nicky beamed at her. “So smart.” He praised. 

“Where’s Babushka?” Alex asked. Hanna turned her head, catching sight of Tatiana and smiling and pointing. 

“Babu!” She chirped happily. 

Nicky tickled her sides and kissed her. “You’re so smart. I love you. Jag älskar dig.” Hanna laughed and leaned into him, pressing a wet kiss against his shirt. Nicky closed his eyes as he snuggled her close and Alex watched them happily. 

His mother caught his eye, giving him a knowing look. Alex felt his cheeks heat up, dropping his gaze to look at his phone. Tatiana cleared her throat. “Are your parents...how are they?” She asked. 

Nicky shrugged. “They’re going to come over for lunch. I don’t know...It should be fine.” 

It was fine, mostly. It was uncomfortable; the air was thick with tension, with awkwardness. Hanna was skeptical and Nicky was tense. Alex felt out of place, but Nicky seemed to relax when he was nearby. 

“English, please.” Nicky said, when Catrin spoke Swedish. “We do English first.” 

Catrin frowned. “Hanna should learn Swedish.” 

“She needs to learn English, so she can go to school.” Nicky said. “And Alex doesn’t speak Swedish.” 

Anders raised his eyebrows. “She is not going to school in Sweden?” 

Nicky forced a smile. “It would be a long drive.” He tried to joke, but it fell flat. 

Catrin shook her head. “We thought...thought you come back to Sweden when you stop playing.” 

Nicky froze for a moment. “I’m not done playing.” He said slowly. 

Anders chuckled. “Not so young now. Can’t play forever.” 

Nicky pushed Hanna’s hair off her forehead. “I’m only 30.” He said softly, barely looking up. 

Anders and Catrin shares a look. Catrin nodded and spoke. “Of course. But...you have a baby now. Getting older...it’s harder...things get hurt and don’t get better, always.” She looked pointedly at his hand. 

Nicky dropped his hand out of sight, cheeks slowly turning pink. “I’m fine. I’m not done.” 

“Of course.” Catrin said, trying to sound soothing. “But soon-“

Nicky cut in. “Not soon. My contract-“

“Of course, I know, but-“

The blond sighed heavily, loudly, and Alex suddenly got an impression of what Nicklas must have been like as a teenager. “You don’t know.” He said, trying for patience and falling short. “Hanna is not moving to Sweden soon. So, she’s learning English.” 

“Is she learn Russian too?” Anders asked, not even glancing at Alex. 

Nicky bristled. “What if she does?” 

“I think-“

“She might learn Russian. She has family that’s Russian.” Before his parents could object, he took a deep breath. “Did I show you the swing set we made?” 

“Only in pictures.” Catrin said, smiling at the change of subject. “Hanna, do you like to swing?” Hanna’s eyes went wide at the sound of her name. 

She shook her head. “No.” She said quickly, covering her face. Nicky chuckled fondly, scooping her up from by his feet. 

“You love to swing.” He said, kissing her cheeks. “Let’s show your grandparents, ok?” She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck loosely, looking over his shoulder. 

“Sasa?” She asked expectantly. 

“Sasha too.” Alex promised, following out to the yard barefoot. 

Anders hummed when he saw the swing set. “This looks nice. Did you…” he trailed off into Swedish. 

Nicky nodded. “I designed it. Alex helped me make it.”

Alex grinned lazily. “Nicky the mastermind. I’m just the muscle.” He joked. Nicky’s parents laughed and the tension from inside seemed lost, the mood finally trending towards something less hostile. It was like finally being able to take a deep breath again. 

Hanna pointed to her swing and Nicky set her in the seat, pushing her. She laughed and kicked her feet happily, curls blowing in the breeze. Anders clapped a hand on Nicky’s shoulder. “This is good. She loves it.” 

“When she gets older, I can change the swings. She doesn’t do the slide right now. She’s too little.” Nicky said, smiling at the praise. 

Anders glanced at Alex. “You both did good.” He said slowly, careful with his words. 

“Thank you.” 

Eventually, Hanna tired of swinging and they sat on the patio while she toddled in the yard, pushing the empty swing and wandering back and forth. During a lull in the conversation, Nicky touched his mother’s hand to get her attention. “You should try talking to her now.” He suggested quietly. 

Catrin smiled and squeezed his hand. “You sure?” 

“Yeah.” 

They all watched as Catrin slowly walked closer to the swing set, smiling and waving when Hanna caught sight of her. “Hej.” Catrin said, crouching down. 

Hanna looked at her thoughtfully, fingers in her mouth. She looked at back at Nicky and he smiled reassuringly. 

“Hej.” Hanna repeated quietly. Catrin didn’t move towards her. Finally, Hanna picked up a leaf and held it out to her. 

“Oh, very pretty.” She said, accepting it happily. “I like it.” 

Hanna looked at Nicky again. “Papa?” 

Nicky waved. “Can you say Farmor?” Hanna looked skeptical. 

Catrin looked at her. “That’s me. I’m your Farmor.” She repeated herself in Swedish, or at least Alex assumed. 

“Mo?” Hanna tried. 

“Yes. Far-mor.” She said slowly. 

“Mo?” Hanna said, chewing on her fingers. “Momo?” 

Catrin giggled. “I can be Momo.” She said agreeably. Hanna held her arms up and Catrin picked her up. Catrin started singing to her, a melody that sounded familiar. Hanna’s eyes brightened and she beamed at Catrin happily. 

Hanna grabbed Catrin’s finger and led her back to the patio. Nicky picked her up and set her on the table, so she could see everyone. Nicky kissed her cheek. “Who’s that?” He asked, pointing at Alex. 

“Sasa!” 

“Good job.” He kissed her again and she giggled at him. “Who am I?” He pointed at himself. 

“Papa!” 

“Yes!” He glanced at his mother and then back at Hanna. “Who is that?” He pointed at Catrin. Hanna paused for a long moment, a thoughtful look coming over her face. “Can you say Farmor?” Nicky said slowly. 

Hanna smiled. “Momo.” 

Nicky laughed quietly. “Can you say Farfar?” He asked, pointing at his father. 

“Fa?” 

“Good, that’s good.” Nicky nodded. “They’re my parents. My papa and mama.” He explained. “They love you too.” 

Alex hoped Hanna couldn’t see the nervous look that flittered in Nicky’s eyes like he could. 

Eventually, Hanna grew tired and fussy, reaching for Nicky to hold her again. “Time for your nap.” He said, rubbing her back tenderly. 

“No.” Hanna yawned. “Papa…”

Nicky grinned and shook his head. “Yes, it is. You’re very sleepy.” He stood. “I’ll be right back.” He promised. 

Belatedly, Alex realized that left him alone with Nicky’s parents. Awkwardness settled over them as the door closed behind Nicky. 

Anders turned the conversation to hockey, something safe. “You play very good this year. Whole team, very good.” He said. 

Alex nodded. “Good year. Nicky, especially. He’s so important to the team.” Catrin and Anders both looked please, so Alex continued; it was easy to talk about Nicky. “The boys look up to him a lot.” 

Anders smiled easily. “I always worry...he was so shy. Always worry it would be hard for him to…to lead.” 

Alex shook his head. “The whole team loves Nicky.” 

Catrin squeezed Anders hand, both of them looking proud. “Good. That’s good.” She said. “Your mother said…” Alex felt his stomach drop, but Catrin continued. “She said he is very good with Hanna. We worried...it’s hard to have a baby. Especially by yourself.” 

Alex relaxed. “He’s not by himself. Team is like family.” 

After Nicky’s parents left, the blond dropped onto the sofa heavily, leaning his head back against the cushions. Alex sat down next to him, squeezing his knee. Nicky leaned into him and was quiet for a long moment before he spoke. “That was good, right?” 

“Yeah.” Alex nodded. “Think so.” 

“Ok.” Nicky nodded. “I’m exhausted.” 

“You take a nap too?” 

“Maybe.” Nicky hummed. “Hanna did better.” 

“Getting used to them, maybe.” 

Nicky nodded, and then chuckled. “Kuzy’s gonna be mad.” He grinned. 

Alex laughed. “I won’t tell him.” 

They won the first two games of the series with Tampa. 

Alex almost couldn’t believe how well they were playing. As much as he tried, he couldn’t avoid all the talk about how Tampa was the better team, how the Capitals had been lucky so far but it would run out. Maybe it was so hard to ignore because Alex knew they had been lucky, to an extent. But they’d also worked hard. 

They lost game three. Nicky had been petitioning to be put in, but Alex knew his hand wasn’t ready. 

Trotz asked him anyway. “How much is Nicky trying to bullshit me about his hand?” He asked. “How bad is it really?” He fixed Alex in a strong gaze, and for all that Alex towered over Trotz, especially in skates, he didn’t want to lie. 

He also didn’t want to tell the truth. “I don’t know.” He shrugged, looking away. 

But he did. 

He knew it was still swollen and he couldn’t bend it. He knew Nicky had made a mess trying to feed Hanna left-handed. He knew he iced it after every practice and he knew the pill bottle on the bathroom counter (the one Nicky steadfastly pretended to ignore) was slowly emptying. 

Trotz rolled his eyes. “At least try to lie.” He crosses his arms. “Is he gonna be able to play?”

“Nicky can always play.” Alex promised. 

Nicky played game four and they lost again. Alex wanted to wallow, feeling exhausted that the series was tied up, but he couldn’t; Nicky needed something, even if that was only a distraction. Nicky had played beautifully, but after the game Alex could see how his lower lip was raw from being bitten. 

“You want ice cream?” Alex offered, on the bus back to the hotel. 

“No.” Nicky shook his head, leaning forward in his seat. The ice pack he’d brought from the arena was already melted and useless. 

“You want to watch a movie?”

“Whatever you want.” Nicky bit his lip and closed his eyes, forehead against the seatback ahead of him. “Shit.”

“Bad?” Alex asked quietly.

“Yeah. Shit.” Nicky winced. “Fuck.” He held his hurt hand in his good hand, pressed to his chest. 

Alex didn’t want to ask if he was ok to play. He knew, first off, and he didn’t want to put Nicky in the position of lying to Alex and himself by saying he was. He wasn’t, but he would anyway. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

“Me too.” Nicky rasped. 

Back at the hotel, Nicky took his pain medicine and Alex made him a fresh ice back. Nicky accepted it without looking up, sitting on the edge of the bed in his game day suit. Without Hanna, there was nothing to distract him. Without anyone except Alex, there was no one to hide the pain from. 

Alex wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a hug, kissing the side of his head as he pressed close. Nicky was shaking, from pain or fatigue Alex didn’t know. He pressed his face into Alex, trying to breathe steadily until the medicine started to help. 

Alex rubbed his back, keeping him close. He was so tired. So tired from playing, so tired of losing, so tired of hearing the same questions over and over, until they echoed in his brain and filled him with self-doubt. Can they really do this? Have they just been lucky up til now? 

Injuries were starting to accumulate and Alex knew he was lucky not to be on that list yet. In the room, he couldn’t let on that it got to him. Even though he’d never made it this far before, he couldn’t let the boys know it was getting to him. Nicky though, Nicky could know, probably already did. He didn’t know how to tell him. 

In the locker room, in front of the microphones, Alex could play at being boisterous and a little cocky, like everyone had come to expect of him. He could tell them whatever they wanted to hear and he believed it, mostly. He liked that version of himself but he couldn’t do it all the time. 

Nicky squeezed Alex’s hand. “I still think...I still think we can do this.” He said quietly. 

Alex squeezed back tight. “Yeah, ok. Let’s do it.” His voice cracked, but Nicky wouldn’t tell anyone. Alex hid his face in Nicky’s hair, which smelled like the bland shampoo from the locker room and distantly like sweat. 

“Six more. That’s all. Six more.” Nicky said, with a quiet conviction that Alex needed. 

“Six more.” Alex repeated. 

They lost, at home. 

“Six more.” 

And, facing elimination, they won. 

“Five more.” 

Alex loved his team, his team that always seemed to play better when their backs were against the wall. He loved Holtby, who gave them everything he had. He loved Andre and DSP, he loved Oshie.

But he loved Nicky the most. Nicky, who skipped press to disappear with an ice pack. Nicky, who couldn’t hide the wince when he picked up Hanna but still scooped her up to pepper her with kisses anyway. Nicky, who told all of them it was getting better even when Alex knew it wasn’t. Broken bones didn’t get better overnight, especially broken hands when you kept playing hockey. 

The morning of Game 7, Alex let Hanna distract him from the nerves coiling in his belly. She didn’t know, of course, but she was a good distraction anyway. 

“Sasa, up?” She asked, holding her arms out to him, eager to escape the confines of her high chair. 

Alex picked her up and leaned over to turn her upside down. She shrieked with delight, giggling and smiling at him. 

Nicky smirked. “She just ate eggs and milk, so…” 

Alex laughed. “Ok, don’t want to see again.” He kissed Hanna’s cheeks. “So sticky.” He said, settling her on his hip. 

“Sippy cups are hard.” Nicky explained, gesturing to the wet front of her shirt. 

“Very.” Alex agreed, grabbing a wet paper towel to clean her hands and face with. 

“Ach! Sasa, no. Sasa…” she whined, squishing up her face into a stern frown. 

“I talked to your mom, she’s going to bring Hanna tonight. So, we need to keep her up longer before her nap, so she can stay up later tonight.” Nicky explained. 

“Your parents know?” Alex asked. 

Catrin and Anders had made gradual progress in gaining Hanna’s trust, but she was still reluctant and Nicky was still wary. Just when everything would seem fine, they couldn’t help mention how one of Kris’ kids was already talking or walking better at Hanna’s age, or something to the affect. Hanna still didn’t tolerate them picking her up. 

“They know. She’s going to sit with your mom. They understand.” Nicky said quietly, picking at the wrap around his finger. 

“Good. Good for her to be there.” Alex nodded, trying to pull the sopping wet shirt off of a squirming child. “You want to wear wet shirt?” He asked her. She shook her head. “Ok, hold still.”

She still whined at him when he tried to pull it off. “Papa, papa…” 

Nicky covered his mouth to hide an amused smile. Once she was free of the shirt, she toddled at full speed back to Nicky. He picked her up, grimacing a bit at the strain it put on his hand. 

“Do you want to wear papa’s jersey or Sasha’s jersey?” He asked, heading towards the nursery. 

“Papa!” She said, clapping her hands. 

Alex followed, watching Nicky smile at her, eyes full of love. Hanna babbled at him as he picked out fresh clothes for her. “She say anything in Swedish?” Alex asked. 

“Hej, you know. She says tack, sometimes, which means thank you.” 

“Tack.” Alex repeated. He should know that. 

“But right now, I think she’s just making things up.” Nicky said fondly, dressing Hanna and reaching for the comb. 

“Noooooo….” she whined, covering her face. 

“Yeeeeesssss.” Nicky said, mimicking her. She looked at him between her fingers, looking unimpressed. “Your hair is messy.” 

Alex watched as Hanna tried to squirm away and Nicky deftly untangled her curls. 

“Do you want a bow?” Nicky asked; Hanna had been gifted a collection of pretty hair things from the Oshies for her birthday. 

“No!” She shook her head, shutting her eyes. 

Nicky tried to contain his smile, to no avail. “Ok. No bow.” He said agreeably, picking her up. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you. Jag älskar dig.” 

Keeping Hanna up past her nap time was easy at first. Alex played with her, crawling around on the floor and pretending to be a monster while she laughed and screamed happily. Finally, though, the exhaustion hit her and she crawled into Nicky’s lap. 

He kissed her forehead and held her close while he climbed up onto the couch. She snuggled against his chest, one hand twirling his hair. 

Alex sat beside them and turned on the TV. Hanna watched a nature documentary about fish with muted interest as her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. 

“After...we should take her to an aquarium sometime.” 

“She’d like that.” 

Hanna was barely clinging to wakefulness when Tatiana arrived. She barely even lifted her head. “Oh, look so tired.” Tatiana cooed, smiling at her. 

Hanna hid her face against Nicky’s chest. “No.” She protested weakly. 

Nicky chuckled, his breath ruffling her hair. “You’re silly.” He whispered to Hanna. “I don’t know how much later she can make it.” Nicky said to Tatiana. 

She shrugged. “I bring her…ear covers.” She said, miming the ear protectors. “She can sleep with those.” 

“I have a wrap for her if you want. She likes that.” Nicky offered. “Thank you for bringing her.” 

“It’s important she there.” Tatiana said. “Shouldn’t you both nap?” 

Alex grinned. “Mama’s in charge.”

“Give me Hanna, go sleep.” She said. 

Hanna snuggled into her babushka’s arms and fell asleep quickly. Tatiana kissed her forehead and looked down at her lovingly. She smiled at Alex when he watched, Nicky already upstairs. _“I’m going to miss her this summer._ ” She confessed. 

_“I know. She’ll miss you too. Nicky wants to take her to Russia.”_

His mother frowned. _“Maybe not a good idea. That might not be safe for you.”_ She smoothed her hand over Hanna’s hair. _“We could all go somewhere, maybe.”_

_“I’ll ask.”_

_“Are you going to Sweden?”_

_“Nicky’s cousin is getting married. He wants me to go with them. I think he’s nervous to go alone.”_ Alex explained. 

Tatiana nodded. _“I know. I tried to explain to his parents how good he is, they should be so proud, but...I don’t think they understood.”_ She shook her head sadly. _“Hanna is precious. They are so lucky.”_

Alex nodded. _“They always...they always compare her to her cousins. I know Nicky hates it.”_

Tatiana tutted softly. _“She’s perfect.”_

 _“I know. They say she doesn’t talk as much as she should.”_ Alex said, feeling himself getting angry at the thought. _“They didn’t say it, but they kind of implied that...you know, that her birth mother...that she might’ve used drugs. And that’s why she doesn’t talk yet.”_ Alex said uncomfortably. 

Tatiana raised her eyebrows. _“She’s perfect. You didn’t even walk until you were 16 months. The doctor said you were just lazy.”_ She teased. _“Poor Nicklas. I don’t understand how they can’t just adore her.”_

Alex fell in love with Hanna the first day he met her. _“I know.”_ He traced his finger along her arm, to her tiny chubby hand. _“I know, she’s so perfect.”_

 _“For me, as your mother, I love to watch you with her. It makes me so proud of you. How they don’t feel like that...I don’t understand.”_ She shook her head and blinked to clear her eyes. _“You should go nap, tonight’s a big night.”_

 _“Ok. I can take her upstairs if you want.”_ Alex offered. 

Tatiana shook her head, smiling down at Hanna. _“I think I’ll just hold her. She’s going to be so big next season, she won’t want this.”_

Alex went upstairs, sliding into bed behind Nicky and falling asleep with him pulled to his chest. 

They won. They won. They won the Prince of Wales Trophy and Alex touched it, because fuck these Canadian traditions that seemed to be designed to keep him from actually celebrating. 

They were going to Vegas. Finally, finally, Alex really believed they could do it, just like he had at the start of the season, when everything had been fresh and everyone had been optimistic. 

“Four more.” Nicky said. “Four more, baby.” 

Alex was going to drink so much beer. God, he was exhausted. He wanted to sleep for a full 24 hours and he wanted to scream and he wanted to-

He wanted to kiss Nicky, but he couldn’t. Not in front of everyone. 

He could pose for photos with him though, Nicky’s swollen finger hidden strategically behind the trophy. Finally, his mother picked her way through the crowd and deposited Nicky’s tearful, sleepy toddler into his arms. 

Nicky smiled softly at her, rocking Hanna against his chest. “Hi there.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” 

Someone yelled over for them to pose for another picture with the trophy and Alex held it while Nicky held Hanna, both of them smiling and exhausted. 

Eventually, the chaos in the locker room started to become organized energy. Hats and gear were distributed, group photos were taken, beers were passed around. Nicky shook off the drinks offered to him; he claimed it was because of Hanna but Alex knew he’d already taken a pain pill for his hand. 

Ear protectors on, Hanna fell asleep despite the ruckus. 

“Oh my god, she’s so cute.” Andre cooed. “Can she wear my jersey next?” 

“Maybe.” Nicky said, favoring Andre with a fond look. “You played so good.” 

Andre flushed at the praise, or maybe It was from the beer. Either way, he looked pleased. “Thanks.”

Finally, Tatiana took Hanna home and Alex caught Nicky watching the boys decide where they were going with a speculative look, like he was considering joining them. 

“You wanna go out?” He asked, settling a heavy hand on Nicky’s shoulder to get his attention. The blond leaned into the touch and shrugged. 

“Maybe just for a bit.” He chuckled, smiling at him. Nicky was loose and relaxed, his skin warm under Alex’s hand.

“Mama said she’s taking Hanna home with her.” Alex said. 

Nicky nodded slowly, biting his lower lip. “So, we’d have the house to ourselves.” He said, glancing sideways at him. Alex never thought the prospect of a babysitter could elicit want deep in his gut, but here he was. He squeezed Nicky’s shoulder and stroked his thumb over the back of his neck. 

“You ready?” Alex asked, leaned forward to whisper in Nicky’s ear, his voice coming out as a low rumble. 

Nicky shivered slightly and Alex smirked. “Yeah. You should buy me a drink first.” 

Alex chuckled and leaned in to bite the ridge of his ear, smiling when Nicky inhaled sharply. “Just a drink?”

Nicky looked thoughtful for a moment. “And fried pickles.” 

Alex threw his head back laughing, pulling Nicky close. “And fried pickles.” He agreed easily, kissing the side of his head. 

In short order, they were ensconced in a booth at the bar surrounded by friends and, more importantly, fried pickles. Nicky had a beer in hand that he was nursing slowly, leaning against Alex. Alex rested his hand across Nicky’s thigh under the table. 

Andre, Nicky, and Evgeny were talking around him, but Alex was distracted, his mind wandering. Everything felt like a reaccuring dream, felt like something he’d woken up from in the past and was experiencing again. He held his glass tight, cold against his palm, and reminded himself this was real. After all this time, he was finally going to the final round of playoffs. 

Nicky nudged him and Alex turned his head to new green eyes, which watched him carefully. “You ok?” Nicky asked quietly, his voice barely audible under the music and conversation. 

“Thinking. Doesn’t seem real.” He admitted. 

Nicky smiled reassuringly. “It is.” He said. “We did it. You and me.” 

“You and me.” Alex repeated. 

Nicky finished the rest of his drink and Alex couldn’t draw his eyes away from watching his throat work as he swallowed. Nicky smirked at him. “You should take me home.” He said, cheeks a little pink. 

Alex didn’t need to be told twice. 

Nicky spent the ride home slouched in the passenger seat, tracing absent patterns across Alex’s thigh as he drove. Once they were inside, he pinned Nicky against the living room wall, kissing his neck and working his hand under his shirt. 

“You gonna be loud?” Alex asked, before biting a bruise into the juncture between the blond’s shoulder and neck. 

“I don’t know.” Nicky said, voice breathy. “You gonna make me?” 

Alex growled and pushed him harder against the wall, slotting his thigh in between Nicky’s legs. Nicky was pliant, letting his head lull back. He was half hard already, his fingers slowly working to undo Alex’s shirt. 

Alex lost track of time kissing him, but his shirt fell off his shoulders and Nicky had finally gotten his belt undone. Alex’s breath caught in his throat when Nicky wrapped a hand around his cock. 

“Fuck, Nicky…” he sighed, relieved. 

“Upstairs?” Nicky suggested. 

That sounded so far away. “Couch?” Alex countered. 

“Yeah, ok.” Nicky agreed. 

At the last second, Nicky twisted around and pushed Alex back onto the couch, straddling his lap and kissing him heatedly. 

“So much clothes.” Alex complained between kisses. Nicky chuckled against his mouth and helped Alex strip him down to nothing. Nicky slid Alex’s underwear down and swallowed his cock in one fell swoop, so suddenly that Alex jolted at the rush of sensation. 

Nicky cupped his balls in one hand as he blew him, moaning encouragingly when Alex tugged on his hair. Alex wrapped the curls around his fingers and pulled, the vibrations driving him closer to the edge. 

“Fuck, Nicky...your mouth. So good. Fuck.” He panted, writhing as Nicky flicked his tongue. 

When Alex finally came, he dropped a hand to Nicky’s neck to feel him swallow. Nicky lifted his head to look at him, his lips red and slightly swollen. His hair was a tangled mess from Alex’s yanking on it and he was still catching his breath. “Come here, come here.” Alex said, pulling him up. 

Alex kissed him, tasting his cum still lingering in his warm mouth and then he motioned for Nicky to lay down. Alex kissed each cheek before spreading them and licking his tongue across Nicky’s hole. He smiled to himself when he heard Nicky muffle a sound. 

He teased at his rim for awhile before he slipped a single finger inside. Nicky’s skin felt overheated to the touch, squirming and trying to push back against Alex, starting to get desperate. Alex slowed down, until Nicky was making wanting, frustrated noises. 

He crooked his finger just right and Nicky gasped, sinking back against him.

“You cum like this?” Alex asked, barely lifting his head, so that his breath blew warm across the wet skin just below. 

“Don’t stop.” Nicky said shakily. 

Alex grinned and lowered his mouth back to his ass, adding a second finger, scissoring them and stretching Nicky’s hole open. He pushed his fingers in deeper, brushing the tips over his prostate. 

The blond pressed his face into a pillow, moaning. Alex smiled to himself, nibbling at Nicky’s rim gently and feeling goosebumps rush across his skin. He kept pumping his fingers in and out deliberately, until Nicky was barely holding himself together. 

“Come on, Nicky.” Alex whispered. “I got you.” 

Nicky whimpered, biting down on his hand to keep from making more noise, cumming as Alex started to add a third finger. 

Alex rubbed a hand over his hip, letting him catch his breath. “Ok, get up.”

“Shit, hold on.” Nicky panted, voice thready and edged with laughter. He opened one eye to look up at Alex. 

“You’re gonna fall asleep on couch.” Alex said. 

Nicky groaned. “S’my couch.” He protested, shifting his hips to roll over slightly. 

“You sleep here, you get stiff, I have to hear you bitch about it.” Alex teased. 

Nicky laughed quietly. “Yeah, probably.” He said, letting Alex help him up and pass him tissues. 

As they curled up in bed together, Nicky’s arms wrapped around Alex’s waist not unlike an octopus, the blond whispered in his ear. “We’re going to Vegas.” 

Alex grinned, eyes closed. “You wanna win the cup for Hanna? Take lots of pictures?” 

Nicky squeezed him tight. “Sure, why not?” He said, happiness tinting his tone


	9. June

“One more.” Nicky said, sliding down the wall to sit beside Alex on the floor in the hallway, watching their teammates kicking around a soccer ball. 

Alex turned to look at him. “One more.” He repeated. 

Nicky nodded, pulling the ends of his sleeves down over his hands. “Your mom said Hanna did good on the plane.” He said, changing the subject. 

“Good. She liked it?” Alex asked. 

“She slept, at least.” Nicky chuckled. 

Alex nodded; there were a few hours until the game started. Soon, he knew Nicky would tell him it was time to eat. They’d eaten before games together for 11 years, give or take a few injuries. Watching Nicky frown over a salad before he allowed himself pasta was as much part of Alex’s routine as anything else. 

He tried to convince himself this was just any other match, but he felt nervous and excited in a way he hadn’t since he was a child playing in his first real game. Time seemed to tick by slowly, but Nicky was steady and unflappable as always and Alex let himself be distracted watching a few videos of Hanna on Nicky’s phone.

Soon, they had the real thing. Tatiana appeared, rounding the corner with Andre who pointed them out to her. Alex raised a hand and stood to greet them. Nicky did the same, breaking into an indulgent smile when Hanna called his name. 

Tatiana easily handed the toddler over, both Alex and his mother watching as Nicky cuddled her close and kissed her, a litany of affectionate but foreign words following. Hanna wrapped her arms around Nicky’s neck and clung to him, watching the boys kicking the soccer ball. 

“Thank you.” Nicky said. “I’m so glad she’s here.” 

Tatiana shook her head. “Important she doesn’t miss anything. Did so good with the plane. Could take her anywhere.” She laughed. 

“That’s good.” Nicky said. “Hopefully she does ok going to Sweden.” He set Hanna down and she took a couple tentative steps towards their teammates, stopping and looking back at Nicky. He smiled at her and motioned for her to keep going. 

Tom noticed her first. “Hi, Hanna. You wanna play?” He asked, squatting down to her level. She stuck her fingers in her mouth, shaking her head so her pigtails bounced back and forth. “You wanna help me play?” He offered. 

She studied him for a long moment and finally held her arms out to him. Tom picked her up and showed her how he could bounce the ball on his knees. She giggled and smiled broadly. 

Alex and Nicky watched as the game devolved into them trying to see who could make Hanna laugh the hardest. The surprise winner was Evgeny, when he bounced the ball off his head. 

He chuckled. “You never smile at me before.” He told her. “You like me now?” She smiled shyly and hid her face against Tom’s neck. 

Nicky nudged Alex to make sure he was paying attention as Evgeny held his arms out to her. She frowned at him for a long moment and he frowned back at her comically. She burst out laughing again, reaching her little hands to him. Evgeny took her, looking surprised and happy. 

“Finally not so shy?” He asked, tickling her chin. “That’s ok.” 

“Hey, Hanna. Can you say Kuzy?” Tom asked. “Kuzy?” 

Hanna made a thoughtful face. “Coo-coo?” She tried. 

“Kuzy?” Tom tried again. 

“Coo-coo.” She said with more confidence. Tom laughed and Evgeny looked pleased. 

“Ok, how about Tom. Can you say Tom?” 

“No.” She said, grinning when Nicky covered his mouth to hide his laughter. Tom frowned at him. 

“Did you guys teach her that?”

“No, I swear.” Nicky laughed. 

Alex grinned. “Smart girl. Knows not to listen to you.” He teased. 

Alex worried that he wouldn’t be able to remember everything. He worried he would forgot the anticipation, the build-up, before the game. He worried he would forget how it felt to have Nicky beside him on the bench. He clung to Nicky as the clock ticked down, his heart pounding in his ears. 

When the buzzer finally sounded, Nicky was vaulting over the boards to swarm the ice and it took Alex an extra moment, tears springing to his eyes. They won, they did it. His parents were there, Hanna was there, they were in Las Vegas and they’d just won the Stanley Cup. He’d imagined winning ever since he was a kid, but to have actually done it...it was the best feeling in the world. 

Nicky was laughing and tearful when Alex finally caught up with him. He’d been screaming incoherently, but he had to try to tell Nicky something important. “Hey, I’ll give you second.” He said, almost too elated for words. 

“Fuck.” Nicky managed, face tucked in against Alex’s neck, maybe to hide the tears on his cheeks. 

“After me.” Alex said, shaking, because he’d imagined how this would go a million times too, but to finally be planning this...it was almost too much. “I’ll give it to you, baby.” 

“Ok, yeah.” Nicky managed, voice rough with emotion. 

Alex held him closer, wanted to hold him forever, but there were thousands of people watching, millions if you counted the ones watching on TV. “Here we go.” He said. 

“Fuck, yeah.” Nicky laughed, wiping his face. “Let’s do it.” 

The Stanley Cup weighs 34.5 pounds, but it felt like nothing. Alex could only feel the roaring of his team, of their fans, of himself, as he lifted it. He skated his lap with it before circling back to pass it off. “Backy! Nicky!” He shouted.

Nicky’s face was split into a broad smile and his cheeks were flushed red. Alex handed it off to him and he screamed wordlessly, raising it over his head. Alex trailed after him, watching as Nicky tried to adjust his hand. 

“Carry it with me.” Nicky said, looking at him. 

“You sure?” Alex asked, even as he stepped in beside him. 

Nicky fumbled with it and laughed, eyes crinkled and dimples in his cheeks. “Don’t let me drop it, come on.” 

Alex laughed too, and they carried it together. Nicky passed it off and Alex threw an arm around his shoulders, holding him close. Family was starting to reach the ice and Nicky took off as soon as he saw Hanna. 

He swooped her up over his head and kissed her cheeks, hugging Tatiana too. Alex hugged his parents and leaned over to kiss Hanna. Nicky settled her on his hip, still smiling as he spoke to Hanna. 

Nicky’s parents emerged from the throng of people, overjoyed and hugging Nicky and Alex both. They congratulated Nicky in Swedish before turning to Alex. 

“Congratulations.” Catrin smiled at him. “You two, you deserve this.” 

“So much fun to watch you play.” Anders added. “This is...this is amazing.”

“Thank you.” Alex said, swallowing emotion. “Tack.” He added, belatedly. They both beamed at him gratefully and Nicky looked proud too. 

Hanna blew kisses at her grandparents (by blowing raspberries, they still hadn’t taught her the proper way) and then surprised everyone when she held her arms out to Catrin. “Momo?” She asked. 

Nicky passed her to Catrin, who bounced her in her arms. He looked at Alex and just laughed, leaning against his shoulder. Someone shouted for them, they were doing pictures, and Alex pushed Nicky in the direction of center ice. 

Alex couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good. He’d been carrying the team’s struggles on his shoulders for so long, and finally it had been lifted. 

“Finally.” Nicky said, echoing his thoughts. 

“Finally.” 

They took pictures with Hanna in the Cup, her hair tied up with red bows and wearing Nicky’s jersey. She smiled at Alex when he lifted her up, reaching her hand up to touch his nose. 

“Sasha’s nose.” He said, laughing when she giggled. He blew a raspberry against her neck and she squealed happily, hugging him tight. “Sasha loves you.” 

“Sasa.” She repeated. 

“Yeah. Sasha loves you.” Evgeny skated up to them and Alex smiled. “Who’s that?”

“Coo-coo?” She said. She frowned at him until he frowned back and then she giggled. 

“Here, go to Coo-coo.” Alex teased. 

Evgeny laughed and held her up in the air before hugging her. “Very last game, finally you’re my friend.” He teased her. 

“She’s very smart. Knows you are weird.” Alex teased. 

Evgeny rolled his eyes. “But likes you, so obviously likes weird.” 

Nicky had been roped into taking photos with Andre, hugging the younger man close and laughing. Finally he came to join them and Hanna tried to lean out of Evgeny’s arms to reach for him. 

Nicky took her easily, peppering her with kisses and terms of endearment. Ultimately, Hanna left with Tatiana before she could get sprayed with champagne. 

They got drunk. Drunk wasn’t even strong enough to describe it. Alex hadn’t stayed up all night for years, but they exited a club to the sun rising and he looped an arm around Nicky, stilling in the sidewalk to admire it. Nicky leaned into the embrace, sweaty and sticky and smelling like booze. 

“S’pretty.” Nicky slurred. 

“Yeah.” There was a plane they needed to go catch. The Cup was in TJs hands up ahead of them, gleaming in the morning light. 

“We did it. You an’ me.” Nicky said, laughing and swaying. 

“You and me.” Alex repeated. “You and me.” Nicky leaned close to him, only centimeters between their lips. Alex thought about kissing him. 

“C’mon, cameras.” Tom said, throwing an arm over Nicky’s shoulders. “Let’s go.” Nicky laughed and let himself be pulled along without complaint; he was pretty drunk. 

They piled into a bus and Alex sank down into a seat beside Nicky. Nicky blinked at him thickly and then grinned. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Alex gave into temptation and ducked his face to kiss him. Nicky melted into it. “Ready to go home?” 

“Ready to sleep.” Nicky groaned. 

They barely slept on the plane, but someone had the foresight to distribute breakfast burritos and Gatorade. Of course, it didn’t do much good when they chased it with more champagne. 

“Hey, carry the Cup off plane with me.” Alex decided at the last second, watching Nicky pick up his things. 

Nicky looked up. “You sure?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Need my center.” 

Nicky tried not to smile. “What about Kuzy?” He teased, even as he moved closer. 

Alex cracked a grin. “I draft you. You’re my center.” He explained. 

Nicky looked pleased, flushing pink. “Fine, fine.” He said, giving in easily. 

They spent the next few days in a state of near-constant drunkenness. Alex vaguely remembered swimming in a fountain, going to a Nationals game, giving interviews. By the time they’d finished the parade, the partying was starting to catch up with him. With both of them, really. 

“Should’ve done this when I was 22.” Nicky said, taking Advil. “Fuck, my head is killing me.” 

Alex laughed, but reached for the bottle. “Sound like an old man.”

“I hurt everywhere.” Nicky continued. “Look at this bruise.” He lifted his shirt to reveal a bruise on his side. 

“Looks like a hickey.” Alex said, vaguely remembering trying to wake Nicky from a nap and being distracted by the warm skin where his shirt had ridden up. 

“Is it?” Nicky asked, looking up at him. 

“Maybe.” He admitted. 

Nicky laughed, shaking his head. “Oh my god…” he ran his fingers through his hair. “Can we just...do something simple today?” 

Alex nodded. “Mama wants to do dinner. With everyone. Your parents, us, everyone.” He said, looking up from his phone. 

“I can do that.” Nicky agreed. 

Nicky spent the morning dozing on patio furniture at Alex’s house, with Hanna snuggled up in his arms. 

Tom, Andre, and Evgeny came over after lunch. Andre and Nicky sat side by side, talking as Hanna walked around the patio in front of them, her lovey clutched in her hand. 

Alex manned the grill for a while, sipping a beer and letting the happiness wash over him. Nicky came up behind him and hugged him around the middle. “Smells good.” He said quietly. 

“Good. Hungry?”

“Yeah.” Nicky didn’t move. “How’s this summer going to work?” The question was like weights being strapped to his ankles, bringing him down to earth for the first time since the game had ended. 

Alex paused. “I don’t know. Have to...lots of things they want me to do with the Cup.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. He chewed at his lip, thinking. “If you can’t come to Sweden, it’s ok.” 

Alex shook his head. “Want to, though.”

“Yeah, but...people will talk. I don’t...it wouldn’t be good if anyone found out now.” Now that they had the Cup, he meant. It would be dramatic, it would stain this perfect memory with invasive questions and speculation. Alex didn’t want that and he knew Nicky didn’t either. 

“I know.” 

Nicky forced a smile. “I don’t have to be in Sweden all summer. Just when I have the Cup.” He shrugged. “We could take Hanna somewhere. To the ocean, maybe.” 

“Take her to see fish?” Alex teased. 

Nicky laughed, looking back to where Hanna was playing peek-a-boo with Catrin. “Yeah.” 

Alex took the Cup to Moscow. They partied more, they went to the World Cup, and he saw his whole extended family. His grandmother got to touch the Cup. 

_“I’m so proud of you.”_ She said, patting his arm. 

_“Thank you.”_ Alex said, sitting beside her. Despite everything, even with all the distractions in the world, he missed Nicky. 

_“You look…sad. Why?”_ She asked. 

Alex wondered what she would think if he told her. Would she be upset? Would she be less proud of him? 

Tatiana leaned close to his ear. _“You can tell her.”_ She whispered, squeezing his shoulder before hugging her mother and handing her a plate of cake. 

Alex looked at his grandmother. _“I’m dating someone.”_ He explained quietly. _“And I can’t see them over the summer.”_

She frowned. _“Well, why not?”_

 _“It would be bad if people found out.”_ He explained. 

Her face soured. _“Is she married? Alexander, we raised you better-“_

He shook his head. _“No, no, not married.”_ He interrupted quickly, holding up his hands. 

She paused. _“Oh. They’re not a she?”_ She guessed. Alex nodded, holding his breath until she smiled. _“Well, what’s his name?”_

 _“Nicklas. Backstrom. Nicky. From my team.”_ He fumbled. 

She beamed at him. _“He was such a sweet boy.”_ She said fondly. _“He should come visit, I miss him.”_ Alex laughed; when he and Nicky had played for Dynamo, he’d drug his reluctant teammate to a host of Ovechkin family gatherings. Nicky was quiet, polite, and (most importantly, to his grandmother) ate everything put in front of him. 

_“He adopted a baby girl.”_ Alex said, relaxing into the conversation. _“Do you want to see pictures?”_ He pulled his phone out, scrolling back to the first pictures he’d taken. _“Her name is Hanna. She’s one year old now.”_

His grandmother cooed over the pictures and Alex missed his little family a bit less. It felt right, to be able to show them off to people. He wished he could do it all the time. 

A day later, Nicky and Hanna flew to Sweden. Alex got texts updating him on their progress, a series of pictures showing an increasingly tired looking Nicklas toting Hanna in her carrier against his chest. 

Nicky called in the evening. Alex answered and walked out to the backyard for privacy. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Nicky sounded weary. 

“How was flying? Hanna do ok?” 

Nicky sighed. “She did ok for the first few hours.” He said. “But after that, she got grouchy.”

“Oh?”

“She had a hard time sleeping. Kris’s kids are keeping her occupied right now. They’re 3 and 5.”

“Maybe she sleep good tonight.” 

“God, I hope so.” Nicky murmured. “How’s Moscow?”

Alex settled on the back steps, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Good. Told my grandmother about us. She’s happy. Likes you because you ate so much.” He teased. 

“She makes really good food.” Nicky said, defending himself. 

“The best.” Alex agreed. “I don’t think...I don’t think I’ll tell anyone else for a while.” He admitted softly. 

“Do you think…” Nicky cleared his throat. “Do you think they wouldn’t...be ok with it?” 

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. Don’t want to find out.” He admitted, chuckling. “Everyone is so happy, don’t want to risk it.”

“Yeah. That’s fair.” He sighed. “Lucas and Maja aren’t old enough to understand why Hanna doesn’t have a mom.” He said after a moment. 

“Oh. That’s...what did you say?”

“I tried to explain that I adopted her...I think they think her mother is dead.” He laughed quietly. “Which, she’s not. I don’t know how to tell them without making them think their parents are going to give them to someone else one day.” 

Alex laughed, even though he suspected he shouldn’t; it was a serious topic, but it was too cute to imagine Nicky trying to explain it to his towheaded niece and nephew. “That would be bad.”

“Right?” Nick giggled. “Kris would be pissed. I just told them I loved her enough for two people. But...she does have you for that too, so.”

“Not her mama, though.”

Nicky hummed. “No, but you love her.” 

Alex smiled to himself. “Love both of you.” He said warmly. In the background, he heard Hanna’s voice. 

“Can you do video?” Nicky asked. “Hanna, come here.” 

“Yeah, hold on.” Moments later, Alex hit a few buttons and was smiling at Nicky. Nicky turned his head and said something in Swedish, though Alex heard his name. 

Hanna’s face popped into view and she smiled widely. “Hej! Hi! Sasa, hej!” She said with a laugh. 

“Hi, Hanna. Are you having fun?” Alex asked. “Do you like Sweden?” 

Hanna looked up at Nicky, who hugged her and adjusted her on his lap. “Can you say ja?” He coaxed her gently. “That means yes.” 

“Ja!” She babbled a bit more, her hands fluttering as she spoke. Alex listened attentively, nodding his head and making affirmative noises when appropriate. She looked delighted when he responded, her eyes lighting up. 

Eventually, Hanna got distracted by her cousins and Nicky turned the phone so he could watch her toddle down the hall. 

“She’s walking so good.” Alex said. 

“I know. She’s running.” Nicky looked at him. “I want to take her out on skates soon.” 

Alex nodded, feeling sad he would miss that milestone. “Good. She’ll like it.” 

Nicky smiled. “I won’t do it when you aren’t there.” He promised quietly. 

Alex relaxed. “Oh. Good. Good.” 

Nicky laughed softly. “I left her skates in D.C anyway.” 

Alex stayed in Russia until after Nicky’s day with the cup. He received countless pictures of Hanna sitting in it, with varying levels of happiness. It was nearly the end of June when Alex finally decided to fly back to D.C. 

He didn’t know what to do with himself. His house didn’t feel like his house anymore; it was his parents’ house. Nicky’s house felt too empty and quiet without anyone else there. He ended up at TJ’s, playing with his girls and trying not to think too hard about anything. 

TJ settled down on the floor beside Alex after Leni had gone to take her nap and Lyla was suppose to be having ‘rest time’. Alex could hear her humming at the top of the stairs still. “She’ll usually still nap in the summer.” TJ explained. “But not if she thinks it’s our idea.” 

Alex chuckled. “Doesn’t want to miss anything.”

“Exactly.” TJ handed him a beer and turned the TV on quietly. “So, speaking of missing things...you ok?”

“Just...house is too empty.” He shrugged. “Miss Nicky, miss Hanna.” 

“Yeah. That sucks. When are they getting back?” TJ commiserated. 

“Two days.” Alex said. 

TJ smiled at him. “Well, you’re welcome to come over here. Lauren is doing a work thing and she’s gone until the end of the week, so I’ll take all the help I can get.” He took a sip of his beer. “I love them, but they’re a handful.” He laughed softly. 

“Yeah.” Alex nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” TJ bumped their elbows together. 

The Oshie house was the sort of organized chaos that Alex loved in families. Leni and Lyla weren’t misbehaved, but they were kids and when given freedom they were much more likely to choose cereal for dinner than anything else. The fact that Alex and TJ ate it with them was more of the failing, but it was summer and they’d won the Stanley Cup; if Alex wanted to eat rainbow cereal for dinner, he would.

“Where’s your baby?” Lyla asked, sitting down beside Alex and looking concerned. “Did she get lost?”

TJ muffled a snort and Alex smiled. “Hanna is with her Papa. With Nicky.” 

“Oh.” Lyla took a bite of cereal, looking thoughtful. “Are you her dad?”

“No, Nicky is her dad.”

Lyla sighed at him. “You said he’s Papa. He can’t be Papa and Dad.” 

Alex didn’t have the logic to explain why that wasn’t correct, so he just nodded. “I just love her a lot. Like to spend time with her and Nicky.” 

Lyla nodded. “That’s what my dad does. I think you might be her dad.” She informed him seriously. 

“Not yet.” TJ said, grinning at Alex. “You have to do paperwork to be someone’s dad. And Ovi hasn’t done that yet.” 

“They give homework?!” Lyla asked, scandalized. “I never want babies.” She lamented, shaking her head. TJ ducked his head as he tried not to burst out laughing. 

Two days later, Alex went to the airport to pick up Nicky and Hanna. When they finally came into view, Nicky lugging a suitcase behind him with Hanna strapped to his chest, Alex broke into a broad grin. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Nicky sounded exhausted, his voice rough from lack of sleep. “Thank you.” 

“Flight ok?” Alex asked. Hanna whined against Nicky’s chest and the blond shook his head. 

“Can you take her?” Nicky said, already starting to remove Hanna from the carrier. Wordlessly, Alex accepted the toddler, who buried her face against his shoulder and sobbed weakly. 

“She ok?” 

“She got a cold.” Nicky said. “So, now I have a cold.” He scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” He rubbed Hanna’s back and smiled to himself when she settled down. It was only 5 in the afternoon, but both Backstroms looked on the verge of falling asleep. 

When they reached the car, Nicky relaxed a bit. “I missed you.” He said when the doors closed. 

“Missed you too. Missed both of you.” Hanna whined plaintively from her car seat and Nicky groaned as he turned around to check on her, like his whole body ached. 

“I know, alskling, we’re going home.” Nicky murmured, trying to soothe her as best he could. When he faced forward again, he slouched low in his seat. “She cried almost the whole flight here.” Nicky said, biting his lip. 

“Poor Hanna.” Alex said. He looked sideways at Nicky, who looked beyond exhausted. “Poor Nicky.”

Nicky gave him a small smile. “I think people thought I kidnapped her. I gave her Tylenol first and it did nothing.” 

Alex chuckled. “Oh no.” 

“I had Benadryl, so I gave her some and she finally fell asleep.” He closed his eyes. “It was awful.” 

“Kris’s kids sick?” Alex guessed. 

“Yeah.” Nicky shrugged. “The oldest, Lucas, he does pre-school for part of the day. Kris said since he started school, he gets lots of colds.” In the back seat, Hanna’s malcontent sounds died down and she finally fell asleep. 

“That sucks.” 

“Yeah.” Nicky agreed. “Everyone got it.”

“Good at sharing.” 

“Mhm.” He took a sip of Alex’s water and glanced sideways at him. “How was your flight home?”

“Great. Didn’t have a sick baby, slept the whole time.” Alex teased. 

Nicky cracked a smile. “Rub it in, thanks.” He rested his hand on Alex’s thigh and let his eyes close. “Don’t let me fall asleep.” He mumbled as he fell asleep. 

Alex smiled fondly at him and didn’t wake him until they pulled into the driveway. “Home.” He said, squeezing Nicky’s hand. 

“Hmm, what?” Nicky stretched, blinking at him. 

“Home, sleepyhead.” Alex smiled. 

“Oh.” Nicky glanced over his shoulder at Hanna. “How do you think she’ll do with the jet lag?”

Alex shrugged, going around to the back of the car to get Nicky’s suitcase. “Harder to come back, so probably will wake up in the middle of the night.”

Nicky nodded, gently removing Hanna from her car seat and grabbing the diaper bag too. Hanna sobbed once and settled down. Nicky rubbed her back. “I know, I’m sorry. I don’t like flying either.” He commiserated. 

Inside, Nicky tried to coax Hanna into eating something. She whined and pushed the food away. Alex watched for a bit before speaking. “She needs to eat?” He asked. 

“I don’t want her to wake up hungry in a few hours.” Nicky explained. 

“Maybe milk? Better than nothing.” He suggested. 

Nicky nodded and Alex poured a sippy cup of milk for Hanna, who gulped it down eagerly. “Tastes good, yeah?” Nicky tickled her feet. “You want cereal now?” 

He put a few pieces of cereal in front of her and she frowned at them until Nicky picked one up and ate it himself. Then, she started to eat, watching her father warily. 

A small snack was better than nothing at all, and Hanna was more or less content when Nicky carried her to her nursery. She fell asleep before he’d finished singing her lullaby, as Alex watched from the doorway. 

Back downstairs, Nicky let Alex pull him into his arms, snuggling up on the couch. He laced their fingers together and went slack against him. Alex thought he would fall asleep, but he didn’t. 

“I love you.” Nicky said after a while. 

“I love you too.” Alex replied. 

Nicky nodded and cleared his throat, fidgeting his fingers. Alex looked at him curiously. “So, I was thinking...I was wondering…” his ears were starting to turn pink, and his cheeks. 

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Ok?”

Nicky shifted nervously. “The whole time we were gone...I couldn’t stop thinking how...how much better it would be with you there.”

“I missed you too.” Alex promised. 

Nicky shook his head. “I want...I- I love you. And- and I like being with you. You make me happy. The happiest I’ve ever been.” He confessed. 

Alex kissed his cheek. “So sweet.” He teased. 

Nicky flushed more. “I was thinking...if...if you’d want to get married. Sometime, I mean. We don’t have to- not right away-“

Alex cut off his rambling with a kiss. “You proposing?” He asked. 

Nicky was looking anywhere but his face. “I don’t know. Maybe? We can- we don’t have to.” He said quickly. “This is good, this is great, what we have. If you don’t want-“

Alex kissed him again. “Want. Definitely want.” 

Nicky stilled, starting to relax. “Oh. Good. I...good.” 

A laugh rumbled up in Alex’s chest. “So nervous. You think I say no?” He asked softly. 

“Not exactly. I know the timing is...hard. But…” Nicky finally met his gaze. “I don’t want to be apart like that again, because we’re trying to hide this.” He squeezed his hand meaningfully. 

Alex nodded. “Ok.” He squeezed Nicky’s hand in return. “We tell everyone and get married.”

“Ok.” Nicky smiled broadly at him. “Sounds good.” 

“You have to propose better, though.” Alex teased playfully. “Didn’t even get on one knee. Don’t even have a ring.” 

Nicky threw his head back, laughing. “Maybe you should propose.” He suggested. 

“I have to do all the work.” Alex pretended to complain. 

Nicky smacked his arm and rolled his eyes. “If I do it, it won’t be so flashy.” 

Alex shrugged; he liked flashy, loud things, but he liked Nicky too. And Nicky was the opposite of flashy. “Gonna be best, no matter what.” Alex assured him. 

Neither of them wanted to cook, so Alex ordered take out while Nicky leaned against him trying to keep himself awake by flipping through channels. Alex tousled his hair lightly and Nicky tilted his head back into the touch. “Gotta stay awake.” Alex poked him. “Ordered pad thai for you.” He teased. 

Nicky smiled sleepily and snuggled up against him. “M’awake.” He mumbled. 

“Uh huh.” Alex snorted. 

Nicky shook his head. “I want to go to a beach.” He said finally. 

“Yeah?”

“I think Hanna would like it.” 

“She likes fish.” Alex agreed.

“Somewhere quiet. Your parents could come too.”

Alex smiled and squeezed Nicky’s shoulder. “They’d like that. Mama misses Hanna.” 

Nicky nodded. “She misses her too. She asked for her while we were in Sweden. My parents did not like that.” He added with a chuckle. 

“They doing better though?” Alex had avoided bringing it up, but he’d been anxious the entire time Nicky had been gone, dreading his parents saying the wrong things. 

“Mostly. They still...I don’t think they love her as much as Lucas and Maya.” He said quietly. “They said some things...but I think they’re learning to.”

Alex stroked his fingers through Nicky’s hair. “What did they say?”

“Stupid shit.” Nicky shrugged. “Like, we took a family photo and they said how much Hanna stands out, because her hair is so dark.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I know.” Nicky agreed. “And they kept saying she doesn’t talk enough. And I spoil her.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Not milk, won’t spoil.” 

“Kris’ wife, Sofia, she said when Lucas was born, they were very critical about how she was with him.” Nicky explained. “That made me feel better.” 

“Huh.”

“They worry about how things look, to other people.” Nicky explained. “But, I think they...I think they are starting to understand better.” 

“Kris and Sofia were good?”

“Great.” Nicky assured him. “Having Hanna meet her cousins was fun. They got along very well. She loves Maja so much.” He laughed. 

“Wedding was good?” Alex asked. “You never sent pictures of you dressed up.”

“I sent you pictures, after.” Nicky said demurely, his eyes flicking to Alex’s face. 

Alex laughed. “Weren’t dressed up then.” He teased.

“That’s not true.” Nicky started. “I had my bow tie on.” He smiled to himself, looking a bit smug; Alex loved it. 

“Ok, ok. They were good pictures.” Alex allowed. 

They ate dinner and then Alex decided it was time for bed, even though the sun was still up. Nicky yawned when he pointed this out. Alex rolled his eyes. “Hanna’s gonna wake up in the night. I’m tired too. Jet lag sucks.” 

Nicky nodded. “Good point.” He covered another yawn. “I didn’t use to get so tired.”

Alex ushered him towards the stairs. “Didn’t use to be so old, either.” He said playfully.

Nicky laughed quietly, careful not to wake Hanna. “I know. But you’re older than me.” 

Alex shook his head. “Always 22, on the inside.” He joked. 

“Not 18?” Nicky asked, closing the bedroom door. 

“Didn’t have you when I was 18.” Alex said, watching as Nicky went pink and rolled his eyes at his sappiness. 

“Ridiculous.” He grumbled, tugging on pajama pants. 

“Best.” Alex said, crawling into bed with him. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Alex thought for a moment. “Are we engaged?” 

Nicky opened his eyes to blink at him. “I thought you wanted a better proposal.” He smirked. Alex huffed. 

“Don’t need that.” 

“I don’t know...it’s gonna be complicated.” Nicky yawned. “But...if you want...I’d like that.”

“I want.” Alex promised, kissing him. “Really want. Don’t have to figure it out now.” 

“Ok.” Nicky murmured. 

“Sleep.” Alex told him. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose. “I’m trying but you keep talking.”

Alex bit back a laugh and snuggled close, letting Nicky burrow up against him, holding tight. Both fell asleep within minutes. 

At 3AM, Alex woke up, feeling oddly awake and mentally cursing time zones and jet lag and plane travel in general. The bed was empty and he groaned and pushed himself up. 

The nursery door was open and he stopped in the doorway to watch Nicky rocking Hanna in the chair he’d made. Nicky was humming quietly, bottle in hand. He smiled sheepishly when he realized he was being watched. “I know she’s suppose to be done with bottles, but…” he shrugged. 

Alex came to sit beside them on the floor, leaning against the dresser. He brushed his fingers over Hanna’s unruly curls and smiled when she blinked at him sleepily. “Hi, solnyshko.” He cooed at her. 

She smiled around her bottle, eyes falling closed again. After her bottle was finished, Nicky rocked her a bit longer. “She’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” He whispered, looking up at Alex. “I love her so much.”

Alex squeezed Nicky’s knee. “I know. She loves you too. She’s lucky you’re her papa.”

Nicky swallowed, looking down. “Thank you.” He said softly. “I’m lucky to have both of you.” 

Alex’s eyes were suddenly misty and he blinked to clear them. “I know, I’m best.” He tried to joke, his voice coming out too watery and fond for it to work. 

Nicky’s lips quirked upward in a warm smile and he stood slowly, carrying Hanna back to her crib. Alex stood too, kissing her forehead and watching as Nicky did the same before he lowered her down. In her sleep, she sighed and grabbed her lovey before settling down. 

They both stood watching her for a long moment before Nicky cleared his throat. “Bed?” He suggested. 

Alex shrugged. “Breakfast?” He countered, following Nicky out the door. 

Nicky groaned. “I hate jet lag so much.” He scrubbed his hands across his face. “Can you make scrambled eggs?” 

Alex laughed, squeezing his hand. “Yeah, ok.” 

They’d barely recovered from their jet lag when they flew to the Bahamas. Alex found a secluded resort, the kind of place they were unlikely to be recognized. Alex’s parents were joining them the next day. Hanna was unamused about flying again, no matter how much her father plied her with promises of fish. 

“Fisssshhhh?” She repeated skeptically. 

“Yes, fish.”

“Fishy?” She pointed to Alex’s iPad. Dutifully, he pulled up the video of fish he’d downloaded for her and she clapped her hands happily. “Fishy!” 

“We’re going to see real fish.” Nicky explained. 

Hanna frowned at him. “Fishy.” She repeated. 

“Ok. We’ll see fishies.” Nicky laughed and shook his head. 

The flight wasn’t long and the flight attendants all took a liking to Hanna immediately, bringing her a packet of snack cookies. 

“Tack.” She chirped, kicking her feet as she clutched her new snack in hand. 

Nicky looked up. “Tack means thank you.” He explained. 

“You’re welcome.” The flight attendant smiled back. 

Hanna napped on the plane, tucked in against Nicky’s chest and drooling slightly. Nicky dozed off too; Alex snapped a few photos, saving one as his background. 

Neither Backstrom woke up until the plane landed, and even then, neither seemed particularly awake. Nicky let Alex steer him to get their luggage and squinted in the bright sun when they finally stepped outside.

After they’d settled in their room, there was enough time to walk along the beach. Hanna was immediately entranced, and also frightened by, the ocean. She stared at it with wide eyes, clinging to Alex’s shorts. 

Nicky smiled at her reassuring. “It’s fun, I promise.” He said, taking a few steps into the water, so that the waves only came up to his ankles. 

Hanna shook her head. “Papa, up?” 

“Come here so I can pick you up.” He said, squatting down. “It’s just water.”

She shook her head and hid behind Alex’s leg, arms wrapped around him. Alex patted the top of her head, which was covered with a sun hat. “Water’s where fishies live.” He told her. 

Her grip loosened slightly. “Fishy?”

Nicky nodded. “Yeah. Do you want to help me look for them?”

“Up?”

“Yeah, I’ll hold you.” He promised. 

She watched him a moment longer before taking a couple tentative steps closer. Nicky settled her on his hip and walked out deeper into the water. Alex followed, until he saw a few schools of fish. 

Nicky pointed them out and Hanna’s mouth fell open as she watched, enthralled. “Fishies!” She whispered, looking at Nicky. 

“Yeah. Do you like them?”

“Ja.” She nodded, eyes fixed on the fish. 

Nicky chuckled. “Good.”

“Papa, ssssshhhhh.” She said, holding her finger to her lips to tell him to be quiet. “Fishies.” 

Alex had to turn away to keep from laughing too hard and Nicky bit the inside of his mouth as he tried to contain himself. “They can’t hear us, I won’t scare them.” He promised. “Do you want to touch the water? You could wave to them.” 

Hanna thought for moment and then nodded. Slowly, Nicky lowered her so she could touch the water. She stuck her hand in it, waving at the fish. 

They had dinner at the resort and returned to their lodging, a small bungalow along the beach. Hanna fell asleep easily in her portable crib and Nicky and Alex sat outside looking out over the ocean, baby monitor on the table beside them. 

Nicky was fidgeting with the label on his beer, peeling it off slowly. Alex watched out of the corner of his eye, until the label had been fully removed and the blond started folding it like a fan, just to have something to do. Alex didn’t want to pry, he didn’t, but…

“You ok?” He asked. 

“What? Oh, yeah.” Nicky’s cheeks went delicately pink. “I’m ok.” 

“Good.” Alex said slowly. 

“Yeah.” Nicky tucked the label into his pocket, seemingly aware he’d been caught fidgeting. “Do you want to walk? Just a bit.” 

“How far can monitor go?” 

“Not too far.” Nicky said. “Just a little bit.” 

Alex nodded. They beach was empty and they strolled down towards the water. Alex picked up a couple sea shells. Nicky smiled at him. “Those are pretty.” 

“Like you.” Alex said, if only to see Nicky blush more. 

“You’re ridiculous.” He said softly. He had one hand in his pocket, maybe still playing with the label, Alex thought. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.” Alex promised. 

Nicky glanced over his shoulder but the beach was empty as far as they could see. “I’m so happy I get to do all of this with you.” Nicky said. “You make everything...so much better.” 

Alex smiled. “You do too. I’m lucky.” He chuckled. 

Nicky nodded and knelt on one knee, so easily that Alex didn’t realize what he was doing at first, until he saw there was a ring in his hand. “Would you marry me?” Nicky asked, with an endearing nervous edge to his voice. As if Alex would ever say no; as if Alex hadn’t already said yes. 

Alex dropped to his knees with him, kissing his face. “Of course. Already said yes.” He said, laughing between kisses. He took the ring and turned it over in his hand. “Beautiful.” He said, smiling. It was silver, with a band on tiny diamonds down the center. 

“I know we can’t...can’t tell people yet, but...I saw it in Sweden and I just...it was yours.” Nicky shrugged, looking down so his hair fell in his face. 

Alex pushed the blond locks aside to kiss him again. “You had ring the whole time?” He asked, smiling. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded, grinning. “You said you wanted a better proposal, so…”

“Brat.” Alex rolled his eyes. 

“Do you want me to do it again?” Nicky asked, a smirk crossing his lips as his eyes glinted mischievously. 

A part of Alex did want to keep hearing proposals, but they would never be better than this. “No, this is good. Much less lazy.” 

Nicky laughed, hiding his face against Alex’s neck. “Good.” 

“Very sweet, little cheesy. Perfect.” Alex assured him, smiling when Nicky chuckled. “Just like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far! I hope you all enjoyed it. I have a lot of ideas for future fics with Hanna and family, so this isn’t goodbye forever.


End file.
